January 24, 2011

story telling

One of the immediately noticeable challenges I faced when taking care of my daughter alone, was story telling – with a Chinese book. I have been telling stories all these while to my daughter Regine, but only in English. My wife covers the Chinese department. But my daughter – obviously missing her mom very much – wanted me to tell stories from a Chinese book. More like a comic actually. Being illiterate in Chinese, I struggled to meet that demand just by figuring out the pictures like an archeologist studying hieroglyphics from an alien civilization. I managed to scan one of the stories below (after the jump) – you guys try to figure out, see if you can get it right. (I eventually gave up, and my daughter ended up telling me the story herself)

My take on this without guide:
1: Once upon a time, there was a kingdom full of rats, which was the kingdom’s staple food and main source of protein.
2: One day, the princess was given a rare gift of a cat from another kingdom, which she ate and took a deep liking.
3: When the next hunger struck, the princess cried like a banshee because all she cared about was having another meal of cat stew.
4: So the king had his soldiers post up a sign to offer for a small reward for any darn cat brought to the palace.
5: The call was answered one day, and the soldier announced to the king that he has a visitor.
6: It was an odd looking shadily bearded man with a goat. “We people from the middle east worship goats as both food and intimate companion, the princess would love it!” The king asked the soldier to bring the goat to his private chamber instead, and extended the search for a cat.
7: He then had his soldiers to post up another sign for a mediocre reward for any darn cat brought to the palace.
8: Next, appeared a guy with a do-rag with an owl. “We people from the hills eat owls because they taste awesome!”. Fearing for an infection due to the recent outbreak of avian flu, the king had the do-rag guy flogged 20 thousand times and had him impaled with a spear.
9: The king then had the soldiers put out a big banner with the picture of a darn cat, and offered the biggest reward for any darn cat brought to the palace.
10: A couple of dudes then came with a Bengal tiger in a cage, and to the king’s fury, he yelled at the 2 startled visitors “I said I was going to offer the biggest reward for a cat! Not to bring me the biggest cat you fucktards!”
11: Not long after that, a stray cat climbed up into the princess’ chamber and started purring, because it had thought the sound made by the sobbing princess was the mating call by another cat.
12: The princess went hysterical upon seeing the cat and quickly grabbed the animal. The king looked on, feeling happy that his daughter finally get to eat some cat stew again.

michaelooi  | nonsense  | 

10 Comments to “story telling”

  1. Tan Yee Hou says:

    hahaaah wtfff.

    eh do you have an uncensored version of it? maybe err, we can help you with it.

  2. fool says:

    nice bed time story, but what’s the morale of the story?

  3. ahsiang says:

    dang…. you are good! :D

  4. michaelooi says:

    YH – It’s about a lost cat. First notice, looking for a lost cat. Some idiot brought a goat. Second notice, a cat with big eyes. Another idiot brought an owl. Third, they did some 5s shit and posted a picture, still, some idiots brought in a fucking tiger. In the end, the cat saw poster and went home.

    Moral of the story : Everyone in that kingdom is fucking stupid

  5. Tim says:

    This is like the story of the stupid people around my life. e.g my colleagues

  6. fool says:

    and i suppose little regine should learn from that story that “most people are fucking stupid, face it. let the problem solves itself.”? boy, story books for children nowadays…

  7. I have a starge feeling that the King is not going to make lamb chops…..

  8. TiBuN says:

    It doesn’t have anything to do with the rats!

  9. michaelooi says:

    Yeah man, fuck the rats. They’re the ones who got me off track in figuring out the story!

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