Archive for 2010

January 22, 2010

what have i learned? – 03

FYI, my VSS application has been approved by the management of Company X. But I will only leave the company at the end of July. So, I have about six months hanging in the office. Long way to go, and plenty of stuff to clean up.

Anyway, I managed to squeeze some time to shirk off and thought it would be fitting for me to continue what I started a couple years back – on what I have learned from my work in Company X… [to continue from this post – “what have i learned? – 02″]

Lesson 06: An ally is more useful than an enemy
A person, no matter how incompetent or abominable, is more useful to you if he’s your ally, than becoming your enemy at work. Being your ally, that person will be more inclined to help you, to give you opportunities and in some really bizarrely rare cases, even sacrifice for you. The worst thing, not doing anything at all. But if that person were to become your enemy, that person will be more than glad to get the opportunity to see you fall or stick a knife behind your back. So it doesn’t take a very intelligent person to figure out what’s the better deal here – get yourself an extra ally, or an enemy.

I’ve learned this many times before, because I started as a very bad tempered person. Burnt many bridges. That was a mistake. (still occasionally make mistakes today. Can’t help it. Being nice is a bitch. But I’m controlling it.) Never ever burn bridges. That’s because you do not work at the same place all your life doing the same thing, and reporting to the same boss. Those bridges that I burnt (shitloads of them), may very well be the ones that I needed to use to cross chasms and raging rivers in the future. And you’ll never know if the idiot you just swore as your enemy, could potentially be your boss one day (as I have seen stuff like this happened before). So why take the chances? Just keep your shit together, it goes a long way.

Lesson 07: You are dispensable
You might think you’re the Chosen One, and no one else can do your job but you. Well, if you have a functioning vagina and a dick long enough to fuck yourself in your own cunt, you could be right. Otherwise, you’re delusional. There’s nothing in your workplace that no one else can do. Ergo, there’s no reason for you to be a total dick and act snooty all over, simply because you’re overly complacent about your position in the organization. Remember, you’re just a small pawn in a big functioning system. You’re hired to do the job. If you won’t do it because you think your dick is too big, there are always others out there waiting to take your place, and your boss will not hesitate to make that replacement.

I’m just glad that I am never that type of person. I never get pricky with my job. I can get pricky with other stuff, but never over my job. But I have seen people in Company X act difficult simply because they think their job is important and indispensable. Now that is just wrong. From my 13 years experience with Company X, I’ve never seen anyone whose job and position is indispensable. Even a CEO could get axed in as short as a week’s time. Always present yourself well, learn how to adapt… for nothing is safe and permanent.

Back to work.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 7 Comments
January 20, 2010

Jung

Think you have the worst boss in the world? Wait till you read this (this was told to me by a friend, attested by a few more of my friends who work in the same office):

There’s this lanky guy whom I know. Let’s call him Ah Boo (not his real name). He’s a manager for the company he works for. Under him, are a few engineers, amongst them, is the friend who told me this story.

Now this Ah Boo, is a well known philandering married man. He’d fuck anything that breathes, and he’s not afraid to let everyone know it (well, except his mean ass wife, of course). However, his carnal escapades are only confined to the females, and he’s not a bi. So, he’s pretty much a straight guy. But unfortunately, his indifference to his own self esteem and big mouth one day misfired and sent the wrong message to his boss – a Korean guy who goes by the name Jung.

Jung, being somewhat bored in this conservative hot hellhole of a country, summoned Ah Boo alone into the office pantry one fine afternoon in pretext of discussing something important. Ah Boo unsuspectingly walked into Jung’s trap. Once Ah Boo was in the pantry, Jung suddenly broke his calm into this epileptic seizure of sorts, and started to dance like Michael Jackson in front of Ah Boo… you know, the moonwalk, crotch grab, woo hoo and shit. Ah Boo was of course, dumb-fucking-fucked, because he had never seen anyone did that in front of him before, especially a high ranking director in his organization. Jung continued to dance like Michael Jackson for quite a while before he finally stopped, gave out a satisfying flirtatious smirk and left Ah Boo startled in the pantry.

When the bizarre encounter was told to the rest of the colleagues, none of them knew what the fuck was that all about. But all of them agreed – that was the freakiest shit ever. I told my friend, it’s probably a mating ritual dance and not a good sign. It’s not normal when someone privately dances like Michael Jackson in front of a guy. If that were to happen to me, I’m going to probably beat the crap out of that faggot Korean to a pulp out of sheer reflex. It’s disturbing to the core and should never be tolerated.

But Ah Boo decided not to do anything about it, and decided to live with it. His mistake. That was only the beginning. From then on, Jung got bolder and started to harass Ah Boo overtly. So far, I have heard about Ah Boo getting pinched in the nipples, dry humped in front of his bewildered colleagues, fondled around in the office and even asked to apply ointment on his ass (I know, this is getting unbelievable). God knows what else happened that we do not know of, which Ah Boo’s probably going to bring with him to his grave.

Ah Boo is still working in the same company though, still with Jung smirking behind his shadows somewhere. Probably getting sexually assaulted as I am writing this. Not sure if he ever thought of reporting to the authorities or consider leaving the company. Maybe he actually enjoyed it, I don’t know. But the key idea is, I want you guys to know that there’s such creepy ass boss in existence, and this is not something you only get to see on TV. So, the next time you think that you have the worst boss in the world, think again.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 11 Comments
January 18, 2010

Genting Highlands

All my life, I’ve never been to Genting Highlands for more than 10 times. I have to admit, I am never fond of that place for many reasons. I’ve only been to the casino to gamble 2 – 3 times, and have never really roamed the other areas, especially the theme parks, until last Friday – when I decided to bring my 3.5 year old daughter (with my wife) to the theme park(s) there.

So, did she have a blast? Somewhat. But not for my wife and I. We (I) think the whole place sucks donkey cock. First of all, I find that everything there is too expensive (including the rides). Not that it’s new or anything so, I’m ok with that. Secondly, as one of the major national tourist attractions, I think the place is not up to the supposed standard. Many of the areas are dimly lit and poorly maintained. Garbage littered everywhere, walls overgrown thick with moss and fungus (also, check out the water in the flume ride, it’s brown in color ughhh). Makes me feel like I’m visiting Pudu bus station. And then the toilets. Man, are they a true reflection of our Malaysian public toilets. Cracked tiles, cracked mirrors, overpowering stench of ammonia, flotilla of unidentified brown objects in the bowl, what more can I describe. It’s a turn off.

But what’s most disappointing of all, is the seemingly long face of its employees manning the rides in the theme parks. I mean, I do not really expect them to be enthusiastic with their menial job or anything, but I believe ‘being friendly’ pretty much comes as part of the job. Just force a fake smile, I don’t care. Just don’t fucking make it look like we owe them money or something. But alas, none of them smiles. It is as if, Genting has a tacit no-smile policy in effect. If any of them is caught smiling, the perpetrator will be forced to clean the filthy toilets (that’s why they’re not smiling, and the toilets are so damn fucking dirty).

Well, except for one weird Indian guy who manned that 4D motion something something ride. He was the only guy who smiled at us. He would have won the ‘employee of the month’ (if not year) award, if not for his eccentric behavior – when being asked a question, the guy would beam a megawatt smile and give an incoherent one worded reply, and enjoy the shit out of himself seeing others getting frustrated. I fell victim to his shenanigan and so did a few foreigners. The guy’s obviously not right in the head, that’s probably why he smiled at us. Or maybe he just wanted the sense of control he has over others, which he probably doesn’t get a lot from the much more intelligent society… I don’t know.

All in all, Genting’s definitely a sad place to be. Overpriced, over-crowded, bad services, and poorly maintained facilities. It’s nothing more than a souped up gambling den for people with money to spare. If you ask me, I’d say it is a waste of time and money to go there for a holiday. If you insist, allow me to suggest Pudu bus station. Or Penang’s KOMTAR. You’d get the same experience, at a much cheaper price.

michaelooi  | places  | 12 Comments
January 13, 2010

the orphan

I’ve always fascinated with the idea of being an orphan. On my way home from work today, I expressed to my wife how envious I am with being an orphan – for the orphan, though lonely he might be, has all the advantages set throughout his life.

He won’t have to worry about anyone judging him on what he does. He won’t have a cousin who always does better than he can ever do, and no one’s going to compare him against anyone. He won’t have any sibling whom he’d have squabbles with, and get hurt in the process. He won’t have to see his parents be in the worst possible shape when they get sick and he definitely won’t have to see them die one day. No relatives to badger him, and no blood relation obligations.

He’s all liberated and is set to live his life the way he wants it to be. He gets the whole blank canvas for himself to paint the colors with. It’s all about being him. But the only downside about being the Orphan is probably, loneliness. Can be quite a bitch. But then, loneliness isn’t much of a big problem if you were to compare that to the stuff I mentioned above. For loneliness, we have our friends, lovers and PS3 to alleviate the pain. It’s still a better trade off than the scum and filth we humans have to contend with every second of our awakening moment. I’d trade all my troubles with loneliness, anytime.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 13 Comments
January 12, 2010

office gossip

The following conversation was a transcript from Company X instant messenger, between myself and a female colleague (FC) of mine.

FC : did u hear about Company X juicy gossip

Me : what gossip?

FC : we heard one guy from TS [tech support] and one gal from sales got fired cause they were shagging in one of our toilets. eeewww

Me : toilet?

FC : ya Company X toilet

Me : Company X didn’t pay them enough money to book a room. But toilet can be fun

FC : hahahah

Me : make sure go to the male toilet though… because guys get excited when someone shags in their toilet. Females on the other hand, will feel offended (because they don’t get to shag). And will report to management.

FC : hahahahhahahah

Oh don’t we all know that most women are ‘kuat jeles’ type… If they don’t get to do something others get to do, they’d resort to sabotage. So, always remember, if you’re going to shag at your workplace toilet, make sure you go to the Gents.

michaelooi  | e-chats  | 9 Comments