Archive for 2010

December 15, 2010

nincompoops do not know

Caught this shocking news in TheStar today…

Malaysia run by competent politicians, Najib assures investors
ALOR GAJAH: Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak has assured investors that the country is run by very competent politicians.

“I assure you that Malaysia is not run by incompetent politicians but by very competent politicians,” he said when officiating the opening of AUO Sunpower Corporation Sdn Bhd’s manufacturing plant here Wednesday.

He cited the US$600mil (RM1.88bil) investment to set up the world’s largest solar panel manufacturing plant as a good example of “effective partnership” beteeen the federal government, state government and foreign investors.

The plant, which covers 108,000sq m, is a joint venture between US-based Sunpower Corporation and Taiwanese company AOU.

It will be able to produce more 1,400 megawatts of high-efficiency solar cells annually by 2013 and will employ 4,000 workers and engineers.

Yeah right, they’re soooo ‘competent’ that they need the Prime Minister to tell everyone in the press. “Hey, my son here is hot and has a big dick! You girls should totally sleep with him!”

The fact is, if the politicians in Malaysia can be deemed as ‘competent’, then the bunch of sniff ass macaques in Penang Botanical Gardens would be in the positive 3 times the standard deviation of the competency distribution curve (if you do not know what that means, never mind).

michaelooi  | snippets  | 6 Comments
December 12, 2010

food list

A friend I knew back during my newsgroup days wanted to know what are the cheap good stuff in Penang that he should try out. I made him a list, and thought of sharing it here.
You guys should fucking thank me like, seriously.

Henry, here’s a sample list of food in Penang you must try (where the locals go, tourists don’t know) – and none of the stuff in this list is expensive. All cheap.

Mee Rebus / Pasembur – N5 26.044 E100 18.898 (island)
My favorite joint for mee rebus and pasembur (always have these 2 together). The mee goren so-so, but claimed to be famous as well. Lunch time only.

Laksa / Chee Cheong fun / Duck Porridge / Muar Chee – N5 22.972 E100 18.242 (island)
One of the best laksa in Penang (apart from the Penang Road laksa). I personally would recommend this over any others (the Air Itam laksa is not even half this good). Also check out the Chee cheong fun with special shrimp paste (mixed with peanut butter), best muar chee in Penang – all at the same place. There is also a stall next door selling awesome tou foo fah. Closed on mondays. Lunch only.

Char Koay Teow – N5 23.333 E100 23.218 (mainland)
One of the best in Penang (definitely wayyyy better than that stupid Lorong fucking Selamat char koay teow). Closed on Tuesdays I think, lunch only. Note: The guy who stir fries the Koay Teow is the dad with mustache. If you see the son, or the wife stir fries the koay teow, don’t order. Wait until the dad shows up. The old man sometimes have business to settle outside and comes in late for work.

Banana Leaf Indian food – N5 23.281 E100 23.288 (mainland)
Just nearby the char koay teow place. Cheapest in Penang, and one of the best. (I acknowledge that the Indian food business is a gray territory, because most of them are pretty good. But this is definitely good and cheap).

Cendol – N5 20.964 E100 26.074 (mainland)
Shared this with you before. A stall just outside the food court. Best cendol in the world (served with pulut). Only RM1.20. I always whack 2 bowls back to back (without the pulut though). After 12pm only. Closed on certain week days, not sure which.

Bak Kut Teh – N5 21.627 E100 26.689 (mainland)
Notice that there are 2 joints opposite each other with the same name. Both are equally awesome, because both are estranged brothers from the same master (that’s what I heard). But I personally prefer this one (the one near a road junction). Serves lunch and dinner (but closed in between lunch / dinner hours). Closed on certain days, not sure which.

Yam rice – N5 23.066 E100 23.463 (mainland)
There are 2 shops here selling Yam rice (served with pork spare parts + pickled vegetables soup). Both are equally good. Lunch only.

Curry Mee – N5 23.610 E100 17.888 (island)
Curry mee is a very subjective topic. Different people have different definition of how a bowl of good curry mee should taste. To me, a good bowl of curry me has to have garlic in its ingredients. This stall in a morning market here, is one of the very few in Penang that serves curry mee with a distinct garlic taste. Morning only, 8 – 9 am. Make sure you ask for more chilli paste (because that’s what making it special).

Curry Mee – N5 25.156 E100 19.451 (island)
Been quite a name in the internet lately. If you missed the morning curry mee above, come here. Also one of the very few curry mee with distinct garlic taste. Lunch (and dinner, I think). Cocky bastard manning the stall inside but, his food is pretty good, so it is forgivable.

Yong tou foo / Popiah – N5 24.799 E100 19.100 (island)
The Yong Tou Foo here is a fav amongst the locals, and the popiah sold by a mamak family is also awesome. Only available from 1.30pm onwards till 4pm. A true roadside hawker style.

Char hor fun – N5 22.925 E100 18.253 (island)
One of my favorite Char Hor Fun stall (watt tann hor). After 6 pm only. Closed on Mondays I think.

Lor Mee , Char hor fun, Hokkien Char, Marinated pork soup – N5 24.857 E100 19.980 (island)
One of a kind black vinegar Lor Mee you must try. Also serves best Char Hor Fun and Hokkien Char in town. Brought many outstation friends here before, all were very impressed. After 6 pm only.

Oyster Omelette, Firewood pizza – N5 24.994 E100 19.429 (island)
Sin Kim San coffee shop’s oyster omelette. I’d kill a kitten to have a plate of the oyster omelette here – it is THAT good. 8 bucks a big plate with fat juicy oysters. The stall is located on the same row as the firewood pizza – which in my opinion, is the BEST in the WORLD (really). The pizza usually have to wait for at least 40 minutes due to the long queue. Go there after 6pm. Closed on Mondays I think.

Hokkien Mee / Oyster Sauce chicken rice – N5 23.539 E100 18.443 (island)
I’ve blogged about the stall in this coffee shop selling Hokkien Mee before. It converted me into a believer of Hokkien Mee (I wasn’t a fan until I came here). The chicken rice stall next to it is also very good. Go there in the morning (8 – 9am is fine).

Hokkien Lor Mee, toast, coffee – N5 25.048 E100 19.742 (island)
You know Old Town? Fuck Old Town. Come here instead. You get better food at a fraction of Old Town’s price. The Hokkien Lor Mee (shrimp soup mixed with the starchy gravy) is my favorite. Ask for pickled garlic. At a short distance away (shortcut walk through the back alley of this Hai Onn coffee shop), you can buy a plate of Char Koay Kak (stir friend rice cake), at this location N5 25.030 E100 19.745, and bring over to enjoy with your toast and bowl of Hokkien Lor Mee.

Char Koay Kak 1 – N5 25.398 E100 19.307 (island)
The location is unmarked and is approximate. Everyone who lives in Penang know this stall. Only available after 8pm (could be earlier – not sure). Extra greasy with pork lard and artery clogging. But VERY good. Closed on Sundays.

Char Koay Kak 2 – N5 24.270 E100 17.201 (island)
The Char Koay Kak here is also nice. Equally greasy and artery clogging, this will be my hang out joint if I don’t feel like going to town to get Char Koay Kak 1 up there. Closed on certain days, not sure which.

‘Sup Kambing’ – N5 25.330 E100 20.045 (island)
This is the famous Sup Kambing (actually, many types of soup) at upper Penang road. If I ever go drinking with my buddies in this area, chances are high that I’d drop by for a bowl of heaty ‘sup kambing’ (mutton soup). Also serves decent roti canai, nasi kandar and a whole of bunch of those kind of stuff. Dinner till wee hours in the morning.

Chee Cheong Chok – N5 24.898 E100 19.583 (island)
Chee Cheong Chok is a cantonese styled pork spare parts porridge. Roadside stall, been here many years. If pork spare parts is your thing, you really must try this. Night time only (go there after 8pm).

Beef soup Koay teow – N5 24.685 E100 22.322 (mainland)
Best beef soup koay teow in Penang, easily, hands down. If you have not tried Ta Han beef soup koay teow at Kg. Benggali, then you’ve not tried anything. Outside the coffee shop, there’s a stall selling ‘Kan Tong’, which is a type of creamy sweet grain dessert, operated by an Indian bloke who speaks fluent Hokkien (sometimes operated by an Indian lady). Use the dessert to wash down your beef soup, all in less than 10 bucks (beef soup + dessert). You’ll cum in your pants. Opposite the coffee shop, there is also a Malay lady selling kick ass curry puffs at only 40 cents a piece. So if you can try all 3 in one lunch, you would have achieved nirvana in a true 1Malaysia fashion, while cumming in your pants. Go there during lunch time (as early as 11am). Closed on Tuesdays.

Wan Thun Mee –
Wan thun mee is a stupid no brainer food. Only requires good quality noodles, and some soy sauce or something. One gotta just know how to mix the right amount of sauces to get it right. So that boils down to how good the wan thun (pork dumpling) is, and for that you can go to following stalls that I’ve personally been and found to be quite ok:
Sri Siam coffee shop – N5 21.874 E100 26.726 (mainland) – lunch only. Closed on Tuesdays.
Chulia street – N5 25.089 E100 20.183 (island) – go there after 7pm.
Terengganu road wtm – N5 24.338 E100 18.512 (island) – unmarked/approximate location. Go there after 8pm.
Greenlane – N5 23.704 E100 18.101 (island) – Go there after 7 pm.
Greenlane Heights – N5 23.610 E100 17.888 (island) – same area as curry mee recommended above. Morning only.

Ok, I think this should be good enough for you for now. I think I can go on to produce a dozen more lists like this… hahah. Enjoy your search man.

Michael Ooi

michaelooi  | food  | 13 Comments
December 7, 2010


I notice that I’ve been bitching a lot about things lately. Being too busy at work, I kinda took up bitching to even up the odds, lest I get constipated.

Anyway, just wanted to ask, have you guys ever seen someone and you get that feeling that he’s an asshole, even if you have never met him before? Well, there’s this manager for this function group which I support at my new workplace, I got that feeling about him when I first met him. I call that guy ‘Nosferatu’. I gave him that name because he fucking looks like one – fiendish look of a cross between a vampire and a mutated sewer rat. Lanky and old, with the complexion of a bloated dead puffer fish’ underbelly; if he stays still for a minute, one would surely mistaken him as a cadaver. Probably arm oneself with a wooden stake before going near him.

At first, I thought it was his looks, you know, being ugly as shit. But as I work through the first few weeks of my job, I started to discover that it was actually deeper than that. It was my sixth sense. Pretty much like what some animals experience whenever a big tsunami is coming to fuck things up. I get that strong feeling whenever he’s around. So I started to take notice of him, and kind of discovered a disturbing trend of his that pretty much underscores the suspicion. I kinda noticed that he has this fetish for people of Indian ethnicity (he’s a Chinese), people who are bald and bitchy girls who have big tits. He has about a few dozens of employees and treats everyone as equally as shit except people who fall into the combination or either of these 3 categories.

Indian, baldy or busty bitch.

Hell, if one were to look at this from a high enough angle, one will see that his department is slowly dividing into 2 groups. Fetish and non-fetish. And the numbers of the non-fetish group is dwindling (which consists of a bunch of really abled individuals in my humble opinion). So this guy is kinda like setting a really bad trend here with his fetishism. Man this is fast becoming like, an infestation. Or even discrimination if you want to call it. If you’re not dark, bald or bitchy busty, you’re fucked. So far, I have already had a significant run of problems coming from Nosferatu’s horde of good-for-nothing pets – a couple from a bunch of his Indians, one time from a stinking baldy of his and a few from his busty bitch secretary.

I think I have stumbled into a world of stinking office politics. This is not looking good for me at all. Someday, I’m gonna masturbate on Nosferatu’s keyboard to unbalance all his Chi, Chakra, zodiac rotation or whatever – so that all his Indians are gonna turn fair, bald honchos grow hair and his bitch gets a deflated pair.

michaelooi  | ramblings  | 7 Comments
December 1, 2010

Fucking Assholes

I’ve talked about douchebags, but have you guys heard about fucking assholes? Let me tell you about fucking assholes.

Fucking assholes, are the people who are ill prepared for a job or a meeting, and then will give stupid justification for their fuck up like it is their god given rights. And then these people, will waste more time to do/process the job that should have been done earlier, at the expense of other people’s time, taking twice or more amount of time to get simple things done. These, my friends, are fucking assholes.

I met a bunch of fucking assholes today. My customers. Bunch of cocksucking middle aged incompetent degenerates, who came into the room spending time READING, the very same Excel file sent to them earlier (for review) – wasting my time.

I walked out on them because, Fuck them.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 9 Comments
November 24, 2010

we deserve it

Company Y is a big company. I only work in one of its small divisions, which is located in a separate building from the main plant. Now this main plant, is a huge motherfucking building. Consists of all kinds of people. Most of them engineers, being a technology company and all.

For some strange fucking reasons, the division that I worked for, is like an unwanted bastard child. The people from the main plant would look down upon us. If we were to send them emails, it will be treated with the lowest priority, if not with contempt. They talk to us derisively and often with a heightened tone. It’s like, we’re dealing with a whole separate apartheid system in there.

At first, I was damn pissed off for having to deal with this kind of shit. You know, it’s not my idea of fun when you have to deal with people like them almost every goddamn day. But then, I kinda discovered something about them that made me all cool about having this ‘bastard child’ identity.

You see, I went into their office for the first time about 2 days ago for an important meeting, and I discovered something about these ‘people from the main plant’. Their cubicle is only 1/3 of mine. That’s right, only 2 feet max. They cram about 5 engineers into a small cube, of what would have been the size for only (less than) 2 in my office (actually, we have individual cubes). I mean, there isn’t even enough space for me to whip out my dick. If I stretch my arms in there, I probably would knock over a few monitors and cause injury. And that was when my pang of conscience overwhelms me, and I went – “My god, these poor fuckers… no wonder they’re so stucked up in the ass!”. And not only that, I also kinda discovered that their wage is at least 30% lower on average than our’s. That’s like, being a midget having a short dick with erectile dysfunction.

The world looked so much brighter to me from then on. Looks like being a bastard child isn’t that bad after all…

michaelooi  | work shit  | 8 Comments