December 19, 2010

80’s HK swordsmen drama

The world according to 80’s Hong Kong swordsmen TVB drama

1) Everyone has the same great straight hair, uniformly bundled/tied the same standard way with killer sideburns. There’s no balding issue, split ends or dandruff problems.

2) If a person happens to sport an unconventional hairstyle or is half bald, he is one of the bad guys.

3) If you ever get critically injured in a swords fight, you can always get help from the forgotten old hermit fuck who lives near a cliff out-of-town, and ask him to heal your injuries with his Chi palms placed strategically on your back until some smoke comes out from your head.

4) If you see a guy with long overly white gleaming hair (like Saruman in The Lord Of The Rings) and luscious eyebrows, chances are high that the guy has mad skills in kung-fu. Do not mess with him at all cost.

5) Every hot chick the hero likes has a jealous cousin or a loser admirer who always have the inclination to cooperate with the guy with white hair (see #3 above) to ruin the hero’s shit.

6) Every general or high ranking officer in the emperor’s army has a hot daughter or an impetuously stupid son.

7) The best kung-fu is learnt from an ancient forgotten book waiting to be found (and there are many of them), not from a kung-fu master. But if you have comprehension problem that makes you misinterpret the ancient book (never mind physically fit to learn kung-fu), you could get seriously deviated and become a deranged mad evil fucker (dubbed as ‘run fire + possessed by evil’)

8) If you are seriously stressed or mentally drained after getting dumped by your childhood girlfriend, you can get a life changing moment by meditating for 10 years in an isolated cave without food/water, and getting +500 points for your kung-fu skills and wisdom.

9) A guy’s traits and character can be proportionally reflected by his facial hair. Long beard, wise. Dense and thick beard, badass. Thin mustache, chicken ass pervert. No beard, immature. Unshaved bristles, hardcore laborer or been-through-hell.

10) The robed guy with a big straw hat and black veil is a stealthy assassin with mad kung-fu skills and speaks in a hushed tone. Everyone in public will get suspicious of him, except the loser he intends to kill.

I happened to lay my eyes on an old Hong Kong swordsman drama on Astro the other day, and some nostalgic memories came wafting in – the time when I was just a kid watching VHS tapes with my mom. I wonder how many of you guys have been through that… or is it just me.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 

10 Comments to “80’s HK swordsmen drama”

  1. Maryann says:

    Good one! It’s not just you. I can relate to what you written. As I read your post, nostalgic memories came flooding in too..

  2. einsamsoldat says:

    Not forgetting the villians are usually those barbarian from mongols or from the Ching dynasty who happened to be the current ruling gov in the story. Hero start as a noob but big hearted good samaritan clueless of hot babe digging him, in the middle of the story lotsa struggle & betrayal. In the end hero is Uber kungfu master but do not want to be the leader to lead the kungfu world.

  3. ah beng says:

    i wonder how the hell did we get suckered in those dramas those days..and always wanna be like the heroes..not to mention “fly” like them

  4. Arkane says:

    The hero’s master will get seriously wounded by the badass villian but will be able to pass on some skills to him before he dies but those skills will be incomplete/insufficient for the hero to use. However at a critical juncture during the final showdown, the hero will encounter a sudden enlightenment (maybe from watching 2 cats copulating) and will be able to fully understand the gist of the master’s skills to defeat the villian lord.

  5. Abba says:

    Oh! Oh! And when they fight in the air, there’d be rays of blue and red/green lights shooting out from their fingers that goes “chiu chiu chiu!”

  6. ahsiang says:

    Not to forget they don’t need low cost air flight, because they can “jump” or “fly” to the destination in split second!

  7. wils0n says:

    and the most powerful of all kungfu move, “MUN FATT CHIU ZHONG~~~~~~” [boulders falling from the sky trampling the enemy coupled with a recognizable background music.

  8. Eric says:

    Fuwah! Quite a few 80’s HKTVB kungfu serial veterans here – I’m one too. And all of your descriptions transported me back to those days…… especially the laser-chi zapping duels… chiu chiu chiu!

  9. banksie says:

    like ur run-fire term, cool!

  10. ShaolinTiger says:

    Love all the old shaw brothers kung fu movies – many similar topics :D

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