December 7, 2010

nosferatu

I notice that I’ve been bitching a lot about things lately. Being too busy at work, I kinda took up bitching to even up the odds, lest I get constipated.

Anyway, just wanted to ask, have you guys ever seen someone and you get that feeling that he’s an asshole, even if you have never met him before? Well, there’s this manager for this function group which I support at my new workplace, I got that feeling about him when I first met him. I call that guy ‘Nosferatu’. I gave him that name because he fucking looks like one – fiendish look of a cross between a vampire and a mutated sewer rat. Lanky and old, with the complexion of a bloated dead puffer fish’ underbelly; if he stays still for a minute, one would surely mistaken him as a cadaver. Probably arm oneself with a wooden stake before going near him.

At first, I thought it was his looks, you know, being ugly as shit. But as I work through the first few weeks of my job, I started to discover that it was actually deeper than that. It was my sixth sense. Pretty much like what some animals experience whenever a big tsunami is coming to fuck things up. I get that strong feeling whenever he’s around. So I started to take notice of him, and kind of discovered a disturbing trend of his that pretty much underscores the suspicion. I kinda noticed that he has this fetish for people of Indian ethnicity (he’s a Chinese), people who are bald and bitchy girls who have big tits. He has about a few dozens of employees and treats everyone as equally as shit except people who fall into the combination or either of these 3 categories.

Indian, baldy or busty bitch.

Hell, if one were to look at this from a high enough angle, one will see that his department is slowly dividing into 2 groups. Fetish and non-fetish. And the numbers of the non-fetish group is dwindling (which consists of a bunch of really abled individuals in my humble opinion). So this guy is kinda like setting a really bad trend here with his fetishism. Man this is fast becoming like, an infestation. Or even discrimination if you want to call it. If you’re not dark, bald or bitchy busty, you’re fucked. So far, I have already had a significant run of problems coming from Nosferatu’s horde of good-for-nothing pets – a couple from a bunch of his Indians, one time from a stinking baldy of his and a few from his busty bitch secretary.

I think I have stumbled into a world of stinking office politics. This is not looking good for me at all. Someday, I’m gonna masturbate on Nosferatu’s keyboard to unbalance all his Chi, Chakra, zodiac rotation or whatever – so that all his Indians are gonna turn fair, bald honchos grow hair and his bitch gets a deflated pair.

michaelooi  | ramblings  | 

7 Comments to “nosferatu”

  1. ahsiang says:

    wow, I am improving my English (at least the “nouns”) by reading your posts :P
    Now I can rant better in my blog, thanks!
    Too bad I cannot use these in office email :P

  2. Caroline says:

    He’s rounding and recruiting ahneh and minachi tenggahs to protect his sorry excuse of an ass. Bitchy, Baldy, Busty.

  3. Arkane says:

    First time i’ve heard of a bloke with 3-in-1 fetish. I know of individuals of such kinds of fetish but usually they are limited to either one of them, never 3 of those together.

  4. michaelooi says:

    Arkane – A nosferatu is not a bloke. It’s an undead.

  5. Jenson says:

    Nice rhyme at the end

  6. Pookyma says:

    The last sentence rhymes really well…

  7. Eric says:

    Uh oh, a possibly nasty confrontation between Mr Fetishit Undead and Michael Ooi looks imminent…….. Make sure u’ve got some good quality stakes on the ready.

The commenting function has been closed.