I have to admit, I haven’t been particularly fond of 2010. You see, I’m a guy who pines for mediocrity, who likes to play things safe. I’m the kind of person who avoids interaction, calculate my steps ahead, plan for my outings right to the idea of where to park the goddamn car, et al. If you look at it in an angle, you can say that I am suffering some mild variant of OCD crossed with a partial mental condition of being antisocial (with a little hint of Tourettes). Yeah I am like that.
So, naturally, when I left Company X with that large sum of VSS payout, I immediately tumbled into a vortex of darkness. Being somewhat of a ‘going alone’ kind of guy, going around for interviews wasn’t particularly my idea of having fun. So, it didn’t take very long for depression to set in. I had insomnia, and I even dreamnt about some of the douchebags I met in the interviews ruining my shit. I started to develop this feeling of weariness, of the need to suck ass, just so that the douchebag on the other side would hire me.
Anyway, I bummed for a total of 1 perilous month that felt like forever before I found a job at this place which I named as Company Y – a fast paced MNC that squeezes its employees over and over like an overused giant sugar cane machine. But in between the tremendous pressure and inadequacy, I have done more useful stuff in 3 months than I ever did at Company X in a year. So, in some aspect, I am grateful that I am learning and progressing – but on the other, I’m kinda sad that the quality of my life actually tanked (which I don’t want to talk about).
So much about my career. My daughter Regine turned 4 this year. She started to dine and talk to us like a regular person. She’s able to speak fluent English and Mandarin now, and a little bit of a couple of dialects. She’s also kind of self sufficient – which is somewhat a relief for both Emily and I – being able to flip switches around the house on her own, go to the toilet without needing any assistance, switch her own channels on the TV, doing her own shit at her own time and in some extend, even uses my computer to entertain herself. I reckon that it won’t be long before I’d need to buy her a computer. I’d say my little girl’s growing up a bit too fast. I’m finding it hard to catch up.
I guess that’s about it. 2010 was all about big changes for me. Didn’t enjoy it. Don’t feel like talking much about either.
There will be no resolution for the new year. I might do something about that feeling of weariness that keeps growing every day though, and if I do, it’s going to be an even bigger change than that hellish period of ultra fucked up uncoolness. If that happens, I’d definitely write about it. But until then, I’d continue to wallow around until I find light, and hopefully, get my life back.
Happy fucking new year. Don’t drink and drive.