Archive for December, 2010

December 30, 2010

2010 roll up

I have to admit, I haven’t been particularly fond of 2010. You see, I’m a guy who pines for mediocrity, who likes to play things safe. I’m the kind of person who avoids interaction, calculate my steps ahead, plan for my outings right to the idea of where to park the goddamn car, et al. If you look at it in an angle, you can say that I am suffering some mild variant of OCD crossed with a partial mental condition of being antisocial (with a little hint of Tourettes). Yeah I am like that.

So, naturally, when I left Company X with that large sum of VSS payout, I immediately tumbled into a vortex of darkness. Being somewhat of a ‘going alone’ kind of guy, going around for interviews wasn’t particularly my idea of having fun. So, it didn’t take very long for depression to set in. I had insomnia, and I even dreamnt about some of the douchebags I met in the interviews ruining my shit. I started to develop this feeling of weariness, of the need to suck ass, just so that the douchebag on the other side would hire me.

Anyway, I bummed for a total of 1 perilous month that felt like forever before I found a job at this place which I named as Company Y – a fast paced MNC that squeezes its employees over and over like an overused giant sugar cane machine. But in between the tremendous pressure and inadequacy, I have done more useful stuff in 3 months than I ever did at Company X in a year. So, in some aspect, I am grateful that I am learning and progressing – but on the other, I’m kinda sad that the quality of my life actually tanked (which I don’t want to talk about).

So much about my career. My daughter Regine turned 4 this year. She started to dine and talk to us like a regular person. She’s able to speak fluent English and Mandarin now, and a little bit of a couple of dialects. She’s also kind of self sufficient – which is somewhat a relief for both Emily and I – being able to flip switches around the house on her own, go to the toilet without needing any assistance, switch her own channels on the TV, doing her own shit at her own time and in some extend, even uses my computer to entertain herself. I reckon that it won’t be long before I’d need to buy her a computer. I’d say my little girl’s growing up a bit too fast. I’m finding it hard to catch up.

I guess that’s about it. 2010 was all about big changes for me. Didn’t enjoy it. Don’t feel like talking much about either.

There will be no resolution for the new year. I might do something about that feeling of weariness that keeps growing every day though, and if I do, it’s going to be an even bigger change than that hellish period of ultra fucked up uncoolness. If that happens, I’d definitely write about it. But until then, I’d continue to wallow around until I find light, and hopefully, get my life back.

Happy fucking new year. Don’t drink and drive.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 16 Comments
December 28, 2010

It’s never about the money

Company Y recently announced that it’s gonna increase some of its benefits for all employees, in conjunction of the holidays etc. Then I overheard one of the guys in the office say – “Yeah, this is going to make some people think twice about leaving Company Y”. He was sort of like, commending on the effort of the management to curb the high turnover rate in Company Y…

That was when I told him – fool, it’s never about the money.

How could anyone be so damn naive to think that it’s about the money? It’s almost never about the money when an employee chooses to leave. It’s always about something else, almost never money. It is insulting to think that this is just a money problem. Pffffft. If it’s all about the money for a person, then that person is not worth to be retained in the first place… because money’s never enough. Grass’ always greener on the other side, ever heard of that? Attrition in an organization, my friends, is caused by many factors. And you can best bet your ass that money isn’t even in the top 5 causes.

Want to know what’s the top cause of people wanting to leave a company? The supervisor. That’s another way of saying – your boss. Your goddamn boss is the cause of everything. I don’t need a PhD to tell you that. I know it because almost, almost everyone that wanted to leave the workplace that I knew, never bitched anything about the money (and I’ve spoken to like, A LOTTT, of people). But I did, though, hear them bitch about how shitty it was for them to work under their superior/boss. From being a nutcase to being a slob, bosses have the direct influence over how an employee feels about being appreciated, motivated and wanting to fucking work there. It’s never about the fucking money. Grow the fuck up.

But I acknowledge the fact that, it’s not easy to be a boss. It’s fucking hard. It’s harder than pleasing your in-laws with a dick through a proxy reproductive system in the form of their beloved daughter. But realize one fact though, they’re paid high to do that ultra difficult job. If they’re not good at it, who the fuck else will? And why do we even bother to pay them that much? They might as well go fuck themselves. So, it’s never about the money. It’s about JOB SATISFACTION. And in the world according to me, job satisfaction equals to how much of an asshole the boss is. It’s never about the money. Never.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 16 Comments
December 22, 2010

long time no trolls

Someone posted this in my ‘food list’ entry…

Tai Koh
December 22, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Mr Sixty Minutes, may I suggest that you try not to be a smart Alex but giving directions using Lon & Lat as the angular distance of the earth coz you are not a qualified Astronomer, RF or even NASA practitioner. You are merely talking to mostly laymen on your site and try to project your thoughts to them using simple English words…..KISS (Keep it Simple & Sweet or Keep it Simple Stupid). Dont act smart coz to me you are not qualified. For example, just tell them one of the best “Sup Torpedo” is fronting Hotel Malaysia instead of N….E.
Even Bubble (MJ ex monkey) is smarter and can do better than you Looi!! I can spot few like you(but smarter) at Botanical Garden or along the back lane of Bukit Bintang . Take my advice, attend a charm school in the evening. Bring along a few sticks of fried chicken legs fried by Madam Looi.

Here’s my courteous reply to the troll,

michaelooi
December 22, 2010 at 6:15 pm
Tai Koh
One – It’s 62%, not Sixty Minutes.
Two – It’s ‘Smart Alec’, not smart alex. Term does not even apply here.
Three – MJ’s pet’s name is Bubbles, not Bubble. Notice the ‘s’ you fucking dumbass.
Four – Those are common GPS coordinates, if you don’t know anything about it, shut the fuck up.
Five – My surname’s Ooi, not Looi you retard.
Six – Fuck you for being so stupid.

michaelooi  | mails/posts  | 18 Comments
December 21, 2010

The Plier Solution

I actually invented a term during my tenure at Company X that not many people know of.

I call it – The Plier Solution.

It means, a simple straight-to-the point solution to a complex set of requirements set by a dimwitted boss.

How was this term originated? Well, back when I was with Company X, my job was to analyze failed electronics merchandise returned as part of the warranty claim from our end customers. But for some strange fucking reasons unknown to us, many of the returns were invalid. About 60 – 70% of the returns would be diagnosed with a ‘no trouble found’ finding from yours truly, and as you can see, it was none of my fault. There’s nothing I could do about it, because I couldn’t control what people choose to return to us.

But my then senior (superior actually) didn’t seem to think so. He must have thought I had the supernatural ability to mindfuck the customers to not send us too many stuff that are not defective. So, he conveniently set a goal for me and my group – to achieve less than 50% of ‘no trouble found’ rate on customer returns. I tried to protest over the dumbass idea, but the guy riposted with a crude remark that it was necessary to gauge our ‘competency level’ (the fucked up notion that we’re too incompetent to duplicate the defects customers reported) and refused to discuss any further.

So in order to illustrate how fucking dumb the idea was, I took a plier and showed it to my senior, and told him that a plier’s gonna be all I need to achieve that given goal, and even surpass it easily. How? Simple: Each time I get a ‘no trouble found’ merchandise, I’d use a plier to fuck it up bad and voila! It becomes a defect instantly. The cause? Physical damage to the board – blame it on freight handling, case closed. That way, I could steadily control my workload and my given objective, just with a fucking plier. Well, he still imposed on the plan though, maybe to not look bad in front of his direct reports. But he never really emphasized on needing us to achieve it after that.

That’s how the ‘Plier Solution’ came to be. I’ve implemented many ‘Plier Solutions’ in my working life before, and gotten shitloads of recognition for them – simply because the people who set the rules, aren’t really that fucking smart in the first place. *Snickers*

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 5 Comments
December 19, 2010

80’s HK swordsmen drama

The world according to 80’s Hong Kong swordsmen TVB drama

1) Everyone has the same great straight hair, uniformly bundled/tied the same standard way with killer sideburns. There’s no balding issue, split ends or dandruff problems.

2) If a person happens to sport an unconventional hairstyle or is half bald, he is one of the bad guys.

3) If you ever get critically injured in a swords fight, you can always get help from the forgotten old hermit fuck who lives near a cliff out-of-town, and ask him to heal your injuries with his Chi palms placed strategically on your back until some smoke comes out from your head.

4) If you see a guy with long overly white gleaming hair (like Saruman in The Lord Of The Rings) and luscious eyebrows, chances are high that the guy has mad skills in kung-fu. Do not mess with him at all cost.

5) Every hot chick the hero likes has a jealous cousin or a loser admirer who always have the inclination to cooperate with the guy with white hair (see #3 above) to ruin the hero’s shit.

6) Every general or high ranking officer in the emperor’s army has a hot daughter or an impetuously stupid son.

7) The best kung-fu is learnt from an ancient forgotten book waiting to be found (and there are many of them), not from a kung-fu master. But if you have comprehension problem that makes you misinterpret the ancient book (never mind physically fit to learn kung-fu), you could get seriously deviated and become a deranged mad evil fucker (dubbed as ‘run fire + possessed by evil’)

8) If you are seriously stressed or mentally drained after getting dumped by your childhood girlfriend, you can get a life changing moment by meditating for 10 years in an isolated cave without food/water, and getting +500 points for your kung-fu skills and wisdom.

9) A guy’s traits and character can be proportionally reflected by his facial hair. Long beard, wise. Dense and thick beard, badass. Thin mustache, chicken ass pervert. No beard, immature. Unshaved bristles, hardcore laborer or been-through-hell.

10) The robed guy with a big straw hat and black veil is a stealthy assassin with mad kung-fu skills and speaks in a hushed tone. Everyone in public will get suspicious of him, except the loser he intends to kill.

I happened to lay my eyes on an old Hong Kong swordsman drama on Astro the other day, and some nostalgic memories came wafting in – the time when I was just a kid watching VHS tapes with my mom. I wonder how many of you guys have been through that… or is it just me.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 10 Comments