Archive for September, 2010

September 13, 2010

Sudirman

You guys know Sudirman? I’m sure most of you farts who are as old as me (or older than me) know who he was. For those of you who don’t, well, he used to be a famous and truly talented Malay singer. And he’s one of the very few Malay singers whom I hold high regards of (his earlier years only anyway… his Michael Jackson impersonation in the later years was appalling though).

Good looking as he may be, there’s this very dark side of him that’s undeniably scary to me. It all began when I was very little, when I was having sleepovers at my grandparents’ place. It was located at an old pre-war kind of neighborhood in the city. Because we did not have a TV there, I always came out of the house in the evening after my dinner to hang out and stuff. And it was about that kind of hour when Sudirman would appear, and terrify the shit out of my kiddy ass.

And no, the guy was not actually Sudirman himself, but a madman who had an uncanny resemblance of the late singer, hence the nickname. He was about the same height, had the same voice (not for singing, but for screaming and cackling), only much older. But to me, he looked more like one of the cannibals in “Cannibals Holocaust” (everyone should watch this movie at least once). This fake version of Sudirman would go around the neighborhood screaming profanities in postal and threaten kids like me. Man I was so fucking scared of him. If my father was around though, he’d threaten to kick Sudirman’s ass and that madman would just bail. But I know, if Sudirman were to stay back then, I don’t think my father’s able to do anything but run for his life because that Sudirman’s stench from the gunk and chumps on his hair alone could kill anyone who was unfortunate enough to be in close proximity. That was why I never liked the real Sudirman in his later years, because as he grew older, the more he looked like that madman ‘Sudirman’.

It was all forgotten until that day when I was in the corporate induction program – where one of the Indonesian girl kinda reminded me of this madman Sudirman. The girl was masculine, had the same voice, height and was also a little bit off in the head. When the HR guy was not in the room, she’d make all these weird noises and grunting that reminded me of that madman Sudirman. It actually churned some really uncomfortable memories there… and I was actually fucking worried that she might bite me or something like that! (the amalgamation of ill thoughts – cannibals, madman Sudirman, Indonesian hostility towards Malaysian…). And I had to stay in a small orientation room with her and her pack of honchos! For 2 days!

Fucking Sudirman. Here’s a track of the real Sudirman singing one of his best songs, to commemorate how awesome that guy was when he was young. –> “Milik Siapakah Gadis Ini”

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 4 Comments
September 8, 2010

Etech Auto Parts

Have you ever felt like wanting to buy something, like a notebook or a cellphone, but felt lazy to even go out to check it out?

Well, good news for all of you… an old friend of mine, who runs a business selling retail notebooks, cellphones and some car spare parts (ask him about it), is lazy too. So he did what he thinks is convenient for all of us lazy farts who share the same ideal of not wanting to do more things – he set up a site to list all his merchandise complete with pictures and retail price in RM (ringgit Malaysia).

I’m personally not into it but, I’m helping out an honest friend trying to provide more for his family. His site is simple, just merchandise and price. You can check it out for price reference purposes, or if you decide to buy something, deliveries can of course be arranged, or COD if you’re in Penang. Or you can email him if you have inquiries, free blowjob etc. Just tell him I sent you.

Here’s his URL: http://etechautopart.blogspot.com/.

Just hop over.

michaelooi  | misc  | Comments Off
September 6, 2010

corporate induction

Today is my first day of work. As a newbie, I was required to attend a 2-day corporate induction program by Company Y’s HR department. Again, curse on my rotten luck, I was the only exempt staff in the big group of production operators (mostly Indons, if not Malays) in the orientation. As a result of that, all of the materials had to be conducted in BeeEm (Malay language). When I first joined Company X 13 years ago, I had the same experience – orientation in BeeEm, amongst a group of operators who looked at me like I’m from another planet. What’s most heart wrenching was – I later learnt that all exempt staffs in Company X attended their orientation in English, nice setups, free lunch, with hot chicks etc. #$%^&*(

Anyway, there was a moment in the orientation when the HR couldn’t find the guy who was supposed to present his part (about general security). So the HR chap went to get the guy’s assistant instead, a middle aged Indian man (a security guard) with a belly bigger than Honda City’s trunk. The guy lumbered into the orientation room with a confused look, a clear sign that he wasn’t paid enough to do stuff like that. Even more distressing for him was, the slide projected in front of him was for IT security, which was not supposed to be on his missing boss’ turf and a mistake from the previous HR guy. It all looked very alien to him.

So instead of going to the HR guy to get the correct slide, he went on to fiddle with the keyboard (he didn’t know how to even use the controls) and managed to only press the ‘ENTER’ key until the slides expired. Then came the big ‘WTF’ expression on his face and he went for his plan ‘B’. He stood in front of the projector (slide image amusingly projected on his huge belly), and summarized the whole fucking shit in basically 5 sentences (not verbatim) :

- You orang mesti pakai badge di dalam ini building, kalau tidak saya tangkap.
- Jangan ambik keluar apa-apa barang dari ini building, kalau tidak saya akan tangkap.
- Kalau you mau bawak barang masuk, you mesti declare, kalau tidak saya akan rampas.
- Kalau you nampak asap, api atau dengar loceng, cepat-cepat keluar dari ini building.
- Itu lucah mia barang, you jangan tengok kat komputer.

He did it in less than 10 minutes (inclusive of the comical entry part), of what supposed to take an hour to complete. Same shit, different method. I think Company Y ought to promote this guy to become a Director, immediately.

michaelooi  | experiences  | 12 Comments