September 6, 2010

corporate induction

Today is my first day of work. As a newbie, I was required to attend a 2-day corporate induction program by Company Y’s HR department. Again, curse on my rotten luck, I was the only exempt staff in the big group of production operators (mostly Indons, if not Malays) in the orientation. As a result of that, all of the materials had to be conducted in BeeEm (Malay language). When I first joined Company X 13 years ago, I had the same experience – orientation in BeeEm, amongst a group of operators who looked at me like I’m from another planet. What’s most heart wrenching was – I later learnt that all exempt staffs in Company X attended their orientation in English, nice setups, free lunch, with hot chicks etc. #$%^&*(

Anyway, there was a moment in the orientation when the HR couldn’t find the guy who was supposed to present his part (about general security). So the HR chap went to get the guy’s assistant instead, a middle aged Indian man (a security guard) with a belly bigger than Honda City’s trunk. The guy lumbered into the orientation room with a confused look, a clear sign that he wasn’t paid enough to do stuff like that. Even more distressing for him was, the slide projected in front of him was for IT security, which was not supposed to be on his missing boss’ turf and a mistake from the previous HR guy. It all looked very alien to him.

So instead of going to the HR guy to get the correct slide, he went on to fiddle with the keyboard (he didn’t know how to even use the controls) and managed to only press the ‘ENTER’ key until the slides expired. Then came the big ‘WTF’ expression on his face and he went for his plan ‘B’. He stood in front of the projector (slide image amusingly projected on his huge belly), and summarized the whole fucking shit in basically 5 sentences (not verbatim) :

- You orang mesti pakai badge di dalam ini building, kalau tidak saya tangkap.
– Jangan ambik keluar apa-apa barang dari ini building, kalau tidak saya akan tangkap.
– Kalau you mau bawak barang masuk, you mesti declare, kalau tidak saya akan rampas.
– Kalau you nampak asap, api atau dengar loceng, cepat-cepat keluar dari ini building.
– Itu lucah mia barang, you jangan tengok kat komputer.

He did it in less than 10 minutes (inclusive of the comical entry part), of what supposed to take an hour to complete. Same shit, different method. I think Company Y ought to promote this guy to become a Director, immediately.

michaelooi  | experiences  | 

12 Comments to “corporate induction”

  1. kstang says:

    Syiok! I like Company Y already

  2. Ryan says:

    Just enjoy the comedy :-)

  3. michaelooi says:

    So far, better office… but shittier computer. Got some, lost some.

  4. EinsamSoldat says:

    I guess in each enthusism of new work environment it is similar to those puppy love teenager relationships :D

  5. Eric says:

    The shitty induction programme aside, sound like u found a potential workplace to start anew in carving your mark very soon (if not already) – physically, mentally, emotionally. Way to go! (and keep us updated lar)

  6. myles says:

    The Indian dude rocks! I like him! Good Luck with your new job!!

  7. Plunny says:

    Hahaha, no nonsense dude!
    You mesti dengar, kalau tidak saya akan tangkap!

  8. frankie says:

    So howz the chick there? Better grade?

  9. michaelooi says:

    frankie – A balance of good and bad. But definitely better than my previous workplace.

  10. blog follower says:

    Hi Mike, glad you have found a job. :)

  11. dSaint says:

    glad to know bro.. still in pg or kl?

  12. michaelooi says:

    dSaint – In Penang bro

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