August 10, 2010

interviewed by a dipshit

That’s right, I was interviewed by a fucking dipshit.

Tall guy in his mid or late 40’s. Fish belly pale in complexion, rotund, balding and had a condition that made his eyes half closed like Jughead in Archie’s comics. He looked totally like what a pedophile should look like, and the first sight of him gave me this uneasy feeling that my interview session is gonna suck.

And I was right. At one stage of the interview, that dipshit interviewer decided to empower himself by delving into the ‘root cause’ topic which totally ruined everything. This was his first question (verbatim):

“When a supplier gives you the root cause of a problem, tell me of a tool, which you can use to verify the effectiveness of the root cause.”

I’m sure all of you know what a ‘root cause’ is. So I went ahead to explain how I’d do it based on my experience – you know, technical verification, SPC, audits, etc. But the dipshit cut me off halfway, and told me that was not the answer he expected. He stressed on the word ‘tool’ and then rephrased the whole question, which to my surprise, was not what he originally asked.

“No no no no no. That wasn’t what I asked. I asked, name a TOOL [annoyed gesture], that ONE TOOL, that can find us the root cause of a problem.”

Like I said, it was an entirely different question from what he originally asked. And fuck me but if there is such tool in this world, then we wouldn’t need engineers. We can just hire Indonesian maids to use the fucking tool to find root causes. So I was kinda stuck there because I wasn’t sure I heard it right from that dipshit, and I eventually gave up.

“The one tool that could find me the root cause of a problem? I’m sorry, that’s beyond my knowledge then. Maybe you can enlighten me.”

The dipshit then lit up like a bulb and gave me this despicable smirk. He then smugly said this (which totally got me dumbfucked)

“Ahaaaa! Let me educate you here. The tool is called ‘fishbone diagram’. You use a ‘fishbone diagram’ to find root causes.”

!@#$%^&* (self explanatory, people).

If I could yell WHAT THE FUCK, I would have done it. But you have no idea how it felt like to suppress the emotion inside like it’s a wrong thing to do. A ‘fishbone diagram’, colloquial term for Ishikawa Diagram, is a tool to brainstorm for possible contributing factors to a specific set of problems. Advanced use would be to put numerical weight to each brainstormed factor, and with it, you narrow down your scope for higher efficiency. And that’s just the beginning of many more things to do. It doesn’t fucking directly find a goddamn ‘root cause’. And that was what I told that dipshit, and yet he still had the cheek to argue, like a 5 year old child.

“No no no no. It can. It can help us to find a root cause.”

Why maybe he actually used a fishbone diagram to find out why his car wouldn’t start in the morning.
Not wanting to drag the conversation further, I replied him this,

“Maybe in your world. In my world, a fishbone diagram is a brainstorming tool.”

Not sure if he got my sarcasm, but I have that feeling I won’t get the job – simply because I’m not from his world. Never mind if he has enough life in him to get offended with my reply. The interview was concluded about 5 minutes after that. Shortest interview I had (whole thing lasted just 30 minutes).

michaelooi  | experiences  | 

22 Comments to “interviewed by a dipshit”

  1. Ryan says:

    Look on the bright side. He could be your boss if you got the job. Haha.

    So it is not that bad if you didn’t get the job lah.

  2. MaN|acZ says:

    Did you try to stuff a fishbone up his arse?

  3. Arkane says:

    OMG, i’m sorry for the company this dipshit works for. And shivers, he’s actually in a decision making position (i gather). My answer to the fuckhead’s question would be “telephathic communication with God”.

  4. michaelooi says:

    Ryan – Yeah, I actually told my wife, if I get the job, I’ll still take it. Then I’m gonna backstab that dipshit back into the deepest bowel of the waste tank.

    MaN|acZ – And how do you propose I do that, my dear homo friend?

    Arkane – Me too, I feel sorry for the company he works for. It’s actually a very prolific U.S. company. It’s sad to see people like him determining the fate of many prospective professionals.

  5. Eric says:

    From my humble experience as a headhunter, 30 min interviews is bad news. Well, in this case, could be a blessing in disguise too.

  6. littleComma says:

    it’s definitely a blessing in disguise, mike. u wouldn’t want to have him as ur boss. worse if his boss is like him too … *uughh*

  7. Rodney says:

    Michael:

    MaN|acZ – And how do you propose I do that, my dear homo friend?

    Just throw him a soap and ask him pick it up.. ;)

  8. michaelooi says:

    Eric – Yeah, blessing indeed. I’m not exactly thrilled to work for that dipshit.

    littleComma – I kinda treat every failed opportunity as a blessing nowadays. Can’t be too pessimistic in times of bad.

    Rodney – So that’s how you do it huh?

  9. vincent says:

    He is a moron.

    1. It’s not a fucking “TOOL”. It is a brainstorming method.
    2. I hardly ever use fishbone. 5WHY is simpler, and for more complicated scenarios, Kepner Tregor is more detailed.

  10. michaelooi says:

    Well, actually, all these methods and ‘tools’ are for the masses who can’t think straight themselves.

    Just like a religion. To guide the confused herd who do not have directions.

    If one is competent and experienced enough (and enlightened), he’d know where to look and what to tackle to get results. I NEVER did anything with a fucking fishbone before. (and I’d been solving problems for Company X for no less than 9 years)

  11. Rodney says:

    Michael..

    Works like a charm.. ;)

  12. windoze99 says:

    Hi Micheal, I’m an avid reader of your blog. I just wanted to share my thoughts with you if that’s okay with you. Reading your posts, it seems like there is a lot of anger inside you and that is why you, my friend, is the one who is not thinking straight. You’re going for an interview to get a job not there to demand one. If you’re the interviewer, would you hire someone with attitude like yours? Take it easy, for your won sake.

  13. michaelooi says:

    windoze99 – So, you’re saying, I’m not thinking straight and you’re with the dipshit interviewer? Wow. You know, you should really stop reading my blog if my ‘anger’ bothers you too much. I’m sure there are many happy blogs out there that may suit your style…

  14. Seremban Engineer says:

    OMG, you wasted your time talking to this dipshit!

  15. TiBuN says:

    Interview is actually a two way assessment, actually it will be good to get a job here so that you can impress the hell out of his boss :P

  16. JC says:

    The thing I hate most about job hunting is the interview part. Had experienced being interviewed by people who probably had no clue about the job themselves. Someone just know how to talk theory from books rather than the real job itself. Sure I will be polite but deep down I feel that it is a waste of my time. Especially when I have to take leave to attend the interview.

    Another thing I don’t understand is why employers make people fill up form with information which is already listed on the resume? It is a total waste of time. Ask people to fill up form only when they are hired. Damn!

  17. michaelooi says:

    Seremban Engineer – Yeah man, totally wasted.

    TiBuN – Spot on. But some people seem to think that we should do whatever we must to get the job. It’s actually for both the interviewer and interviewee to agree to a deal!

    JC – That’s because they wanted to make it easier to review your profile by using their own format/standard. If I were to make the decision, yes, I’d save the paperwork/time by directly using the copy of CV/resume. Just jot some notes on it if there’s anything more to add.

  18. AT says:

    You know half way reading I was actually guessing if the “tool” he meant could be a “search engine” and that would actually make sense, FISH BONE roflmao.

  19. woody says:

    Mike,

    Many interviewers these day acting like doing God’s work, to decide life and death of a critically ill patient, whereas in reality, they are just in the position of finding a person that fits a job. Simple as that. Yeah, they ended up over zealously wanting to show off their years of experience and superiority over “that helpless person desperate for a job”, which is sickening like what you wrote.. :), also ended up killing the confident of that person coming in for job. I encountered that before at receiving end.

    This maybe something for your learning too.. learn from “bad interviewers”, in future, just don’t repeat that, then you should be “OK”. A good interviewer usually observed more than talks, questions tends to be short/simple too. Also a tactful interviewer tends to make the interview process as a form of opinion exchange, if the exchange is successful, chances are you will get the job.
    Interestingly, I myself involved in this “evil process” too , but I learned that I found most “workable” co-workers in this way, yes , they do become my very good colleague, some even went on to become my managers too.

    Going to an interview is also a process we go and find out “our future coworkers” , if they behave like ass, chances are, we would not want that job too.

    Wish you best of luck..
    woody

  20. michaelooi says:

    AT – Search engine! Hahah

    woody – Thanks for sharing dude.

  21. iamyuanwu says:

    It looks like it came right off a Dilbert comic. X^D

  22. the engineer says:

    Fishbone? As far as i know, Haven’t heard anyone use it. Why-why is a better root cause finding.

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