August 2, 2010

old hags inc.

My buddies and I were walking back to the car from a night out at a pub. Because we’re all very intoxicated, we’re kind of loud and were talking shit throughout the long walk. You know, the normal stuff drunks do. On our last 50m or so in the indoor parking lot, I noticed 2 female creatures walking beside us, also on their way to their car… who looked like something that the science of evolution cannot explain… whose sole existence was to destroy urban buildings in Tokyo and fated to be beaten up by giant vigilantes clad in metallic silver tight latex suit with egg shaped tinted goggles.

On any given day, I would have ignored those eyesores but I somehow caught one of them overtly giving us a stinky eye. Because I was drunk like fuck, I was void of all the senses to be courteous and decided to say something about what I saw to the guys… [it was said in Hokkien, rather loudly]

“Hoiii! Lau ee tulan lu aa!”
[“Hoiii! The old hag is pissed at you guys!”]

Neither of the 2 creatures were actually old. It was said in a half jest just to piss them off (they’re probably in their late 20’s or early 30’s). But my bluntness kind of touched some raw nerves there and one of them yelled at me. I don’t quite remember what she yelled but, it was something like, ‘I’m not an old hag ok!!!’. She said it like it’s going to make them look young again…

My reaction? I laughed like a shit fuck (don’t know why). Square at that creature’s face. I swear, if she were to be one of those she-bitch types that could fight like an MMA contender, she could have easily tossed my ass 3 floors down the parking lot building, as I was in my most vulnerably drunk position. But fortunately, old hag didn’t resort to violence or anything like that. Strangely, they laughed back at us after that, probably delighted with the fact that some drunken idiots finally gave them some attention after a long grueling night out. What the fuck.

Anyway, their car was coincidentally parked right next to mine and as I was still laughing to the verge of puking, I rolled down my window, gestured to the driver to do the same. The driver rolled down her window and I then said this to them (not verbatim but something like that…)

“Sorry, I did not mean to call you an old hag… I was actually referring to your friend… HAHAHAHAHH!”

And I drove off to have the most wicked breakfast with the guys.

michaelooi  | rompings  | 

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