That’s right, I was interviewed by a fucking dipshit.
Tall guy in his mid or late 40’s. Fish belly pale in complexion, rotund, balding and had a condition that made his eyes half closed like Jughead in Archie’s comics. He looked totally like what a pedophile should look like, and the first sight of him gave me this uneasy feeling that my interview session is gonna suck.
And I was right. At one stage of the interview, that dipshit interviewer decided to empower himself by delving into the ‘root cause’ topic which totally ruined everything. This was his first question (verbatim):
“When a supplier gives you the root cause of a problem, tell me of a tool, which you can use to verify the effectiveness of the root cause.”
I’m sure all of you know what a ‘root cause’ is. So I went ahead to explain how I’d do it based on my experience – you know, technical verification, SPC, audits, etc. But the dipshit cut me off halfway, and told me that was not the answer he expected. He stressed on the word ‘tool’ and then rephrased the whole question, which to my surprise, was not what he originally asked.
“No no no no no. That wasn’t what I asked. I asked, name a TOOL [annoyed gesture], that ONE TOOL, that can find us the root cause of a problem.”
Like I said, it was an entirely different question from what he originally asked. And fuck me but if there is such tool in this world, then we wouldn’t need engineers. We can just hire Indonesian maids to use the fucking tool to find root causes. So I was kinda stuck there because I wasn’t sure I heard it right from that dipshit, and I eventually gave up.
“The one tool that could find me the root cause of a problem? I’m sorry, that’s beyond my knowledge then. Maybe you can enlighten me.”
The dipshit then lit up like a bulb and gave me this despicable smirk. He then smugly said this (which totally got me dumbfucked)
“Ahaaaa! Let me educate you here. The tool is called ‘fishbone diagram’. You use a ‘fishbone diagram’ to find root causes.”
!@#$%^&* (self explanatory, people).
If I could yell WHAT THE FUCK, I would have done it. But you have no idea how it felt like to suppress the emotion inside like it’s a wrong thing to do. A ‘fishbone diagram’, colloquial term for Ishikawa Diagram, is a tool to brainstorm for possible contributing factors to a specific set of problems. Advanced use would be to put numerical weight to each brainstormed factor, and with it, you narrow down your scope for higher efficiency. And that’s just the beginning of many more things to do. It doesn’t fucking directly find a goddamn ‘root cause’. And that was what I told that dipshit, and yet he still had the cheek to argue, like a 5 year old child.
“No no no no. It can. It can help us to find a root cause.”
Why maybe he actually used a fishbone diagram to find out why his car wouldn’t start in the morning.
Not wanting to drag the conversation further, I replied him this,
“Maybe in your world. In my world, a fishbone diagram is a brainstorming tool.”
Not sure if he got my sarcasm, but I have that feeling I won’t get the job – simply because I’m not from his world. Never mind if he has enough life in him to get offended with my reply. The interview was concluded about 5 minutes after that. Shortest interview I had (whole thing lasted just 30 minutes).