Archive for July, 2010

July 14, 2010

car wash

You know, I am always against the idea of getting my car vacuumed at a car wash. Usually, I’d wash Lorraine myself, but when I’m too lazy to do it, I’d send her to a car wash. But that’s the furthest I’m willing to go. Just the wash. Strictly no vacuum, no matter how filthy the interior is.

You want to know the reason why? Banglas. For some strange reasons, our local folks are not very keen to work in a car wash so most car wash business owners have to hire these foreign workers from the deepest and darkest trench of the underworld, in the scale of bad odor. And we all know, these Banglas – after a whole day’s hard work at the car wash, sweating and perspiring – their body odor would stink to high heavens. Letting them into the car would be akin to opening a few canisters of mustard gas inside the car.

But I apparently made a mistake the other day. I subconsciously unlocked the door to let them wipe the edge of the door, and as a result of my boner, my wife and I were gassed to death. I am now blogging from the deepest and darkest region of the underworld. If you guys need any 4D prediction, you can email me because I’ve became a discontent spirit now.

(Man, they should really hire young college girls to do car wash/vacuum work. For one, they won’t likely to stink up our cars, and secondly, the girls could save more from not needing to go to the gym and get paid to exercise instead. Why the fuck isn’t this happening already??)

michaelooi  | experiences  | 14 Comments
July 13, 2010

italian connection

My wife Emily and I went to an Italian restaurant. We ordered a set lunch, a pizza and a mug of caramel coffee. It was a good lunch.

When we’re enjoying the food, I joked about how nice it would be if the restaurant owner were to come over to tell us that our meal was prepared by some handicapped people in their charity-based establishment, and we’re already doing them an honor by eating the food and therefore everything will be free out of their sheer gratefulness…

Fast forward 30 minutes later, we decided to call for the bill. I didn’t look at the bill (my bad habit), and just gave the waiter my credit card. When the receipt came later (after I paid), Emily checked on the receipt… turned to look at me in a wide-eyed expression and said “I think there has been a mistake…”

Apparently, the cashier (or whoever the chick behind the counter was) had erratically punched the wrong amount for our set lunch. There was a missing digit on its unit price – instead of RM19.90, the cashier punched RM1.90. That was when the ‘charity’ joke started to eerily waft into my mind…

What would you do if you were to be in my shoes? And what do you reckon we did next?

michaelooi  | happenings  | 23 Comments
July 7, 2010

Paul the oracle octopus

I’m sure most of you guys have probably heard about ‘Paul the oracle octopus’. This cephalopod is purportedly able to accurately ‘predict’ ALL of Germany’s matches in the World Cup. Pardon me, not really predicting the actual score, but rather who wins or loses. It’s like a 50% chance of random success. And it just happens that the octopus keeps choosing Germany and Germany keeps winning.

But of course, people don’t see it that way. People kind of see the octopus as a creature with super powers. The whole thing is actually a sham, really.

How? You see, the Paul the octopus itself is a German, reared in a German aquarium (or something). Everyday, the caretaker probably feeds Paul some food in a container wrapped with the German flag. Maybe they’ve done this a few hundred times. If you have read about the experiment of ‘Pavlov’s Dog‘, then you’d know Paul would definitely choose the container with the German flag over other flags – because it would naturally associate the German flag with food! (well, unless Paul is retarded, of course).

So this is kind of like the case with your pet dog. You put its bowl on the floor, and watch it flail its tail because it knows you’re going to feed it. When Paul sees the German flag, Paul will be thinking of food! Paul just wants the food, he cares not about your game. And this time, he kinda made a boo boo… he selected the container with the Spain flag, much to the distress of all the German fans. Paul probably realized that there’s also food in the Spain container, and decided to try it if it is something different (he must have been too bored eating the same shit everyday).

So is Spain gonna win tonight? Well if it turns out that way, then maybe Paul is an oracle after all. They should replace that armpit-whiffing-booger-eating German coach with Paul instead.

However, if Germany wins tonight, then we should all have Paul for dinner. Japanese style.

michaelooi  | ramblings  | 23 Comments
July 2, 2010

‘fckr’

My blog’s 7th anniversary tomorrow, and look what I got in my inbox? A hate mail! It’s been some time since I got one…

from Selena Perez [lettherainfall12@gmail.com]
to Michael Ooi
date Fri, Jul 2, 2010 at 12:13 PM
subject fckr

ok listen up you homo.grace was right. i dont give a shit if you think i should be warned. ur a little fcking asshole and u dont realize what ur doing to those cats. ur never gonna get a grlfriend ,or boyfriend. you arent very smart either because if anyone in authority coaght you doing that u’d be arrested for animal cruelty. only a fcking idio\t would not know what hes doing. i would nt be surprised if ure a child molester or sex offender. u disgust me. and the only reason u shut off the comments is bcuz u KNOW WHAT UR DOING IS WRONG AND U,BEING A PRICK, DONT WANT TO HEAR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

other than that the rest of ur blog is freakin hilarious but when ppl intentionally hurt animals…well, they can burn in hell for all i care
–
Let the rain fall.
I DON’T CARE.

If you manage to wade through that shit thick with errors, you should be able to tell that she’s actually mad about something I wrote back in 2005, about various creative ways to torture a cat.

Yeah, that post is prehistoric man. What took her 5 years to reach here hahah. I don’t understand why couldn’t she just fuck off or kill herself or something. What a fucking bitch. Here’s my reply to her.

from Michael Ooi
to Selena Perez [lettherainfall12@gmail.com]
date Fri, Jul 2, 2010 at 9:23 PM
subject Re: fckr

Fuck you, Selena. I hope a thousand cats would die for each and every word you spell wrong…

michaelooi  | mails/posts  | 18 Comments