Archive for April, 2010

April 16, 2010

madman

I saw this fat mamak (Indian-Muslim) guy when I was having my dinner with my family yesterday. He ambled into the coffee shop looking hammered, and teased the fat coffee shop lady owner who was frying some chickens nearby, who also seemed to know him. The lady didn’t give a shit about the guy, and then hollered to her husband (who was inside the premise) to make something (inaudible) for that almost shitfaced mamak.

Then the mamak guy went on his way towards a table – in a rhythmic gait like he was Mr. Fucking Bojangles – all smiling and talking shit to himself. When his drink was served, he even teased the fat coffee shop lady owner’s husband, who also didn’t give a shit about him. He then continued to talk and laugh to himself. At that instance, I started to get a bit disturbed and worried because I realized that he wasn’t really hammered, but more like out in the head. You see, he was just a table and a half away from us, which was really near. Trust me, when you have your own kid with you, you’d be worried when you see a madman within 100 meter proximity.

Anyway, I kept an eye on that mamak blimp, you know, just in case he goes amok or something like that. But luckily, he kept to himself the whole time, except for some really bizarre twitching and self cackling. Then suddenly, that guy turned to look at me, and it hit me like a train after I got a good look at his face. That guy was someone I knew! He was one of my primary school classmates! And if I remember correctly, I think I may have even pummeled him up before!

The guy’s name is Ahmad Anwar. Remember the story I wrote about my friend Pukemachine who stole a calculator belonged to someone named Maqbul? Well, this Anwar guy was Maqbul’s bitch. They’re always together. They came to school together, sat together, ate together and played together. In today’s society, they would have been duly labeled as ‘totally gay’. But they were just very close (ok, I don’t really know. Come think of it, they COULD be gay). So close, that the teacher thought they were fraternal twins.

I remember this Anwar used to be a skinny fart who was a very reserved character. He was always filthy and most of his exercise books were stained with curry (along with Maqbul’s as well), and he always get reprimanded by the teacher for having the curry stains on his exercise books (which was really funny to me at that time). He was always the last 5 in class (if not 3), and I remember he could not even recite the full list of alphabets in his late primary. The guy was lazy, a total mess and was destined to be a bum in his adult life. Looks like he got more than what he was destined for. He is now an orang gila, a madman, talking to himself and the parasites inside his bloated belly. This is just so frigging sad.

I was so goddamn worried that Anwar would come over to my table to remind me of something I don’t remember (like pummeling him up when we were in school?). But luckily he didn’t. He didn’t even know that I was me. So I quickly got my wife and kid to finish up and left promptly. Anwar gave me a smile before we were out of his sight. Creepy.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 9 Comments
April 13, 2010

pathetic

Spotted this in the news today, makes me want to cry…

[source]
Two cops commended for saying no to bribery
GEORGE TOWN: Corporal K. Irabathon, 51, and Constable M. Mathavan, 25, felt insulted after they were offered bribes while on crime prevention duties.

For refusing the bribes, the two were commended by Penang police chief Deputy Comm Datuk Wira Ayub Yaakob during a monthly police briefing at the state police contingent headquarters in Penang Road yesterday.

Kpl Irabathon said they were on duty on April 7 near a shopping mall in Bayan Baru when they spotted a suspicious-looking individual.

“We approached him in front of a bank and told him we needed to carry out a check.

“He then took out a stack of money, about RM200, and tried to push it into our hands.

“I advised him to keep the money. He was insistent in bribing us, so we arrested him.

“After checking his motorcycle, we found an iron rod and a switchblade.”

During the ceremony, eight officers from the Elite MPV Police Unit also received commendation letters for making several major arrests including crippling a drug syndicate at the Jelutong Expressway and for another drug-related case which involved a stolen car.

The officers made a grand entrance in two Mitsubishi Evo MPVs.

Another 11 police officers also received commendation letters.

Has our Malaysian police force gone to the stage where corruption is so goddamn rampant that we have to commend or thank the personnel for not accepting bribes? Isn’t this just pathetic and sad? A pat in their back for NOT COMMITTING A CRIME, whilst they SHOULD be doing the law enforcement and crime control in the country! This is as ridiculous as thanking a doctor for not killing us… or a priest for not raping our children…

Do lah something more useful. Not accepting a bribe is not something to commend on. Not in my book anyway.

michaelooi  | snippets  | 4 Comments
April 12, 2010

what’s changed?

I was asked by this career consultant the other day – “How has Company X changed you over the years?”. Well, that actually got me thinking – being with Company X for more than a decade, I surely must have evolved at some level. All living things evolve. (this is different from ‘what have I learned’. This is something that changes you subconsciously, just like an evolution). So after cogitating hard about that question, the first thing that came up in my mind was (which I gave as an answer at the same time),

“Acute tolerance to shitty food!”

That’s right. The one thing that I can name. The food in Company X cafeteria is the worst I have ever tasted. They’re sometimes tasteless, occasionally too salty, always cold with congealed grease, not to mention expensive! And if your stars are not congruent with the cosmic energy of your Chinese zodiac animal’s reproductive organ, you’re going to get a badass food poisoning and purge slime for the rest of the day as a bonus.

I was once even in the Company X cafeteria committee (I was forced to join the committee for complaining too much to the boss), and had the access to some of the audit materials. The experience of watching the kitchen audit pictures was worse than watching that ’2 girls 1 cup’ coprophagia video clip. [*starts to convulse violently and about to have a fit*]. It was so bad, that the committee had to keep the audit shit classified! Goddamn!

I don’t know if this is more for the good or the bad for me. I realize that I appreciate food more outside of Company X, and hasn’t complained about my wife’s cooking for many years. And likely even developed some kind of immune to food poisoning, as my body got used to eating filth and crap all these years… To give you an idea, I accidentally ate a bug the other day. I thought it was just the normal shitty food. Only realized it was a bug after found it to be abnormally crunchy and spat out a leg. Fucking sad, I know.

So when I say Company X ‘changed’ me a lot, I really do mean something even deeper inside.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 3 Comments
April 7, 2010

Jap kid

I have a precocious 6 year old half-Japanese neighbor who likes to talk to everyone like his best friend. My wife and I met him near the apartment elevator yesterday…

My wife: “Hi [Jap Kid], what are you doing?”

Jap kid: [excitedly] “Mai ney ber… kururu kuru ku kururuku”

I couldn’t make out a thing he said.

Me: “Your?”

Jap kid: “Mai ney ber… kuruku kururku kurku”

Still couldn’t make out a thing he said.

Me: “Your neighbor something?”

Jap kid: “Mai ney ber… kuruku kurku kuruku”

I was losing my patience.

Me: “Your neighbor’s name is Muruku?”

Jap kid: “No.. no… Mai ney ber… kuru kuru ku”

Me: “Oh your neighbor’s name is Muruku. Good… good!”

Jap kid: “No no no…”

And I went into the elevator. (My wife and daughter stayed around to play with him)

michaelooi  | dialogs  | 6 Comments
April 5, 2010

lousy career adviser

A few days ago, I had the chance to accompany a young nephew of mine to go to a college to inquire about its available courses. Though he is still not very certain about what to study, but I think he was certain about one thing that day – is that what a bad and lousy career adviser I make.

Basically, I kind of dispensed some unorthodox advices to that young guy such as, “Go for a course that has the most pretty chicks. If you don’t like the studies, at least you’d enjoy the company.” Of course it was just a suggestion, because it’s really entirely up to him. If he has to ask me, frankly speaking, that’s what I’m going to tell him. Just go for what you think is fun. And ‘fun’ for a guy at his age is no other than having infatuations with different chicks at the shortest interval.

Anyway, this kind of reminded me of my time when I was in the same dilemma at his age. I remember I didn’t go around to collect information like him because I didn’t have the same luxury. What mattered to me was not the ‘what’, but more on the ‘how much?’. I remember an aunt of mine (dad’s elder sister) – who for some weird fucking reason seemed to have the impression that I’m a thick headed troublemaker – was so determined to send me off to become a sailor, that she convinced my mom and offered to pay for the course itself. She told me, I could at least get 3 meals there and I get to sail around the world for free… But the whole idea was more to lower the chance for me to land my ass in motherfucking jail by staying out of trouble and away from the society, at the ocean.

I couldn’t help but feel insulted there because I wasn’t anything like Hannibal Lecter (I guess that was how my hatred towards my relatives started) and decided to go to work for an uncle of mine (mom’s brother) who was running an electrical firm. From there, I got some solid advice from him, who told me – electronics is the future. That was how I decided to go for electrical/electronics engineering. I chose engineering because it will be ‘da thing’ in the 21st century, not really because it was something I love doing. If things were to go fairy tale and I get to do things I love, I would have been a successful bum now – because I love to sleep, fuck and eat.

But come think of it, if I were to take that sailor offer back then, I’d be having some ripped off shirt with revealing pecs and nasty six packs, killer tan and probably sleeping around with some chicks at some exotic port somewhere… as opposed to being a droopy eyed corporate drone wearing a fake Polo office shirt with doughy physique, fish belly pale complexion and a chronic short sightedness sufferer for staring at the computer screen too much – I realize that I might just have fulfilled my dreams if I were to take my aunt’s offer 15 years ago. Oh well. So I guess this is all just about sticking to a decision and having no regrets about it.

michaelooi  | ramblings  | 3 Comments