April 21, 2010

bitches who couldn’t drive

You wouldn’t believe how many bitches who couldn’t drive are working in Company X at any given moment. I personally don’t fucking know, but to give you an idea, there were no less than a dozen of accidents already in the parking lot alone (once with an ambulance summoned, I’m not shitting you). Probably even more. I have personally seen 3 of them, and all were female drivers.

They can be categorized into 4 major categories,

1) Bitches who don’t know how to stop-look-go.
You heard of that Mazda tagline ‘zoom zoom’ before? That’s what this group of bitches do when they come to an intersection. They’d zoom right through it without stopping or looking. Company X used to have 2x intersections more than it has today, thanks to a few accidents by this group, the management decided to barricade half the number of intersections to reduce the number of accidents in the parking lot (yes, believe it). And notwithstanding that, we employees still occasionally see some bitches getting into a car wreck in the parking lot.

2) Bitches who think the parking lot has a minimum speed limit of 110kph.
Speed demons with a cunt. They’d probably drive slower on a public road… I don’t know, but when it comes to Company X parking lot, they seem to have that urge to speed as if their pudendum is on fire and they need to put out the fire pronto. There was once, an employee was reversing out of a parking lot (after looking, of course) and a bitch was speeding from nowhere and crashed into that reversing car. The speeding car had to be towed away because it was in a total wreck.

3) Bitches who couldn’t park for shit.
The idea of parking a car is to fit the damn car into the rectangular box provided. This group of bitches would do the complete opposite. They’d park their cars all ways imaginable, to NOT FIT into the rectangular box. They’d park their car diagonally across 2 lots, over the outline, up on the divider, an inch close at the left but a meter wide at the right, you name it. I once even saw a lady driver wrecking her bumper in slow motion against the divider, with a car full of cronies laughing like hyenas inside. It was fucking disturbing.

4) Bitches who do not observe traffic flow.
Their intrinsic sense tells them, that if a terrain is flat enough for her tires to roll on, then it will be considered a drivable surface. They’d drive against the traffic flow, on places where cars are not allowed, across empty lots, etc. Remember the female engineer I used to have in my team? She got into an accident in her short 2 months tenure in Company X. How? She drove diagonally across the empty parking lot boxes and crashed into another on-coming vehicle. And countless of incidences before that I myself encountered – bitches driving against the traffic flow on my lane etc…

****

That is why, when I see a car with a female driver in proximity in Company X parking lot, I get very very anxious and cautious at the same time. It seems that I have developed this subconscious set of mechanism to protect myself from harm (from those crazy ass female drivers in Company X), pretty much like a mole rat being primordially territorial about its personal space… If a female driver were to invade my personal space, I’m gonna fucking dive and get hostile later.

michaelooi  | ramblings  | 

5 Comments to “bitches who couldn’t drive”

  1. infinitium says:

    This is why you need a 110dB Hella twin-tone air horn… useful for waking said drivers up from their trance. Also applicable in general to lane drifters, queue jumpers, slow drivers in fast lanes and other scum on the road.

  2. EinsamSoldat says:

    My ex-manager driving mantra “Utmost respect is given even to prostitute but not a single quarter given to female behind the wheels.”

  3. michaelooi says:

    infinitium – Eh, what air horn? what lane drifters? what fast lane? This is parking lot lar macha. My Hella air horn is inside my car. When I walk, I only have 2 air bags down there, and an extra long breathalyzer (for females). Those aren’t going to attract a lot of attention inside the pants…

    einsamsoldat – That’s because a whore gives you pleasure, whereas a reckless female driver gives you headache and tension.

  4. vincent says:

    I know a woman driver who was speeding in the industrial area where my workplace is located. Everybody knows the roads are full of potholes because of the millions of lorries passing through everyday. Despite that, she was speeding, hit a pothole, burst two of her tires and destroyed both rims.

    And she claimed she was going at 60kmph.

  5. Caroline says:

    I know what you mean, Mike. Lady drivers are… let’s just say they lack the brains to drive when they are behind the wheels. Though I would like to think I do not suck in driving (I really don’t.. >.<) but hey.. it's a stereotype already. Women can't drive for shits.

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