Archive for March, 2010

March 18, 2010

observations

This incident happened many years ago when I was a Quality Assurance technician working in a PC notebook manufacturing line. (this post could be too technical to some…)

I don’t quite remember what I was involved in, but the situation kind of called for my attention at the assembly station. There were many rejects coming from the assembly station, most of them related to the fragile LCD flex cable connection. Some were damaged, and some had unflushed insertion.

So I stood there to make some observations. It was then I noticed that the assemblers (all of them were young female operators) weren’t given a fixture to provide a stable platform for the LCD cable assembly. As a result of that, each of the builders had to resort to their own method of finding an effective way to assemble the LCD module.

Then I noticed one lady – called ‘Rose’ – who stood out from the rest, who managed to devise the most effective and productive method of them all. What she did was, she let the LCD panel lean 45 degrees on herself. That way, she could free both her hands, and use them to effectively insert the LCD cable to the back of the LCD (the rest were using 1 hand to hold the LCD, and another hand to assemble the cable). Rose’s method was faster, more stable and very efficient.

So I asked her partner, Sue, to adopt Rose’s method to assemble the LCD. After some tutorial, Sue started to assemble her stuff with Rose’s method. But instead of making her more productive and efficient, it made her even slower, and even damaged some of the parts. That was because the LCD she was assembling kept falling flat on the table. At first I couldn’t understand why it didn’t work on Sue. But after much more observation, I finally figured out the problem, and started to laugh like a shitfuck.

Rose had bigger tits, and Sue was flat-chested.

Now how’s that possible? Because of the distance of the stool from the bench, versus the fixed assembly tray, the size of their tits kind of played an important role to decide whether they’re able to support an LCD with their chest. In the case of Sue, she didn’t have what it takes to support the LCD, and the LCD would slip right off her flat chest.

“Eh, apa you gelak-gelak aa??”

“You punya equipment out-of-spec… HAHAHAHHH!”

That goes on to prove that sometimes, bigger tits have its advantage in the technical aspect too. They’re not solely for cosmetic.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 12 Comments
March 15, 2010

Cameron Highlands

I always had the impression that Cameron Highlands is the ‘tame’ version of Genting Highlands. You know, instead of theme parks and casinos, Cameron has farms and fresher air. A laid back place to relax and shit. That was what I experienced when I visited that place 11 years ago. Time was slow there, and things were simple.

But not anymore. Went there again last weekend, and discovered that the place has turned into a shithole. Cameron Highlands, like Genting Highlands, sucks donkey cock. Actually, it sucks even more than Genting Highlands.

Let me tell you why. I’m going to make this in point form.

1) Bad traffic. It has only 1 main (small 2 way traffic) road connecting between all the towns and commercial spots, and there are like, hundreds of thousands of vehicles there. As a result, you get a simulation of what happens when a woman flushes down her big piece of sanitary napkin down the toilet bowl – an overflow of shit all over. Laid back and relaxing? Not really. Traffic jam, lack of parking space, frustration and cusses? Yes. That’s not my idea of relaxation.

2) Lack of fun. In the scale of 1 – 5, with 5 being the best? I’d rate the fun factor as 0.5. There’s basically nothing there. Only stuff commonly found in any pasar malam or wet market, nothing unique. And another thing that I noticed was, the people there seem to be very gung-ho about their strawberries. You’d see strawberry themed merchandise every-fucking-where. Giant styrofoam figures, pillows, lamp covers, etc. It was as if they invented and introduced strawberry to the world. “I see strawberry also, I tulan” – quote from me.

3) Run down. The roads there suck. Full of potholes, pebbles and garbage. We went to the pasar malam in the evening, it was full of garbage as well. The public toilets, like Genting Highlands, are a true reflection of our Malaysian hygiene. Filthy as hell. But they’re much worse than Genting because you have to actually fucking pay to go into their shitty toilet! The parking’s free though, if that’s any consolation to anyone… and not many of them around.

There you go. Some people say, Cameron Highlands is a great place to host gatherings with friends or relatives. I don’t know about that but, if it is the company of people that makes one enjoy an event, then why can’t that person do it somewhere nearer, cheaper or more convenient? It doesn’t fucking make any sense. Maybe I’m just hard to please and being pain in the ass, I don’t know. But it was really dumb of me – that’s for sure – to expect things to be exactly like how it was 11 years ago.

To make it short, it’s a boring place. The only thing nice is probably the tea plantation scenery there. But if you were to ask me, I’d say it’s not worth the trouble to go all the way up there.

michaelooi  | places  | 20 Comments
March 10, 2010

pork porridge

Like I said, Penang Hokkien is a very unique dialect. It has evolved in such a way, that one who is not familiar with it will find many confusing slang that do not seem to make any sense at all. Like this phrase – BAK MOY

Literally, it means ‘pork porridge’. But every Hokkien bastard in Penang knows, that the phrase is commonly known as something else. It means ‘dead’ colloquially. Usage is easy, it functions like a slang substitute for the word ‘dead’.

Eg:
Michael Jackson bak moy liao.
[translation: “Michael Jackson is dead”]

Ah Seng eh mah bak moy.
[translation: “Ah Seng’s grandmother died”]

Lim peh ai bak moy liao… bo lui heng siau
[translation: “I’m gonna die soon… too much debt”]

Or it can be used in anything that has to do with death, depending on your creativity

Eh, lu oo ki chiak Ah Seng eh mah eh bak moy bo?
[literal translation: “Are you going to eat Ah Seng’s grandmother’s pork porridge?”]
[true translation: “Are you going to attend Ah Seng’s grandmother’s wake?”]

So there you have it. If someone were to mention that phrase before your name in Hokkien, please beware that he could be implying a sinister intention instead of wanting to treat you a bowl of pork porridge.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 14 Comments
March 8, 2010

MB

Whenever I am cutting through the country roads when fetching my wife back to her hometown, there is always this one type of driver that peeves me down to my spine – I’d call them, The MBs. It is an acronym of something rather insensitive, so, just take it as it is.

These MBs, are usually identifiable by their trademark of sticking an arm out of the window. Usually males of Malay descent. No one knows why do they do that. Some say they do that because they smoke. But I’ve seen many of them who weren’t smoking, and would still stick out an arm just for the hell of it.

Now, why do I harbor such a deep animosity towards these MBs? That’s because they’re road hazards and they make our lives difficult. How? By driving like sloths. Almost all of them would drive at speed lower than 30 kph. That’s roughly the speed of an old man with arthritis on a bicycle. If one has a skull cap on, that’s a Pak Haji variant of the MBs. These Pak Hajis are the elites of being extremely slow like fuck, and their speed is roughly 20kph to a total stop on the middle of the road. These people are so slow on roads, that heavy trucks are desperate enough to overtake them at tight corners – endangering the oncoming traffic in the process. God knows how many people were killed in road accidents because of them.

I suspected that these people drive so slow because of their intrinsic habit of being rustic. Pretty much like why a dog still runs in circle before going to sleep despite living in an urban setting. These people are so used to riding on bull carts and buffaloes, that it got ingrained in their DNA to move at that range of speed (this also explains why they are not able to operate any indicator switch inside a darn car. Carts and buffaloes do not have switches). That’s why when they get to drive a motorized vehicle, they couldn’t help but being fascinated with the fact that they don’t have to feed that thing some hay or flog it to make it move. Just step on the pedal and off they go. They’d then stick their arm out of the window to feel the wind caressing them and have a Pocahontas moment there.

To all of you MBs out there, fuck you. I hope all your chickens will turn into toyols and steal all your goats, and you’d have nothing to fuck when you’re bored.

michaelooi  | traffic shit  | 11 Comments
March 3, 2010

brand recognition

Two of my colleagues were chatting with each other on their instant messenger. One was in the lab located at the other side of the factory, one was right next to my cubicle. The one next to my cubicle got up and went away, and left his IM on.

Seeing a golden opportunity to play a prank on him, I typed the following into the conversation box from his computer :

“Fuck you [the lab guy’s name]”
“Suck my dick”

Almost instantly, the lab guy replied,
“Is that you Michael?”

This, my friends, is a perfect example of ‘brand recognition’. And I’m proud of it.

michaelooi  | nonsense  | 7 Comments