March 31, 2010

moon blocks for your future

The Chinese are the most creative people. Do you know that they actually invented a tool, or rather, a method, to communicate with their gods? (the Chinese have thousands of gods, not only one). The device is called ‘the moon blocks’ (as I learned the English equivalent name from the net). In Chinese, it is called jiǎo bēi (筊杯). But as a child, it was known to me as ‘seng pui’ in Cantonese. (I’m sure most of us Chinese are familiar with that thing, especially 4D punters *wink*)

This pair of ‘moon blocks’ tool is quite simple. It is made of 2 wooden blocks, that looked like a pair of kidneys (our variant). Each block will have one round side, and one flat side. So by tossing the 2 blocks on the ground, it will randomly give out 3 possible results that represents 3 possible answers that can be given by a spirit/god – Haha, Yes and No.

Haha – represented by both blocks with flat side facing upwards. It means that the god/spirit is laughing at your ass because you’re so fucking dumb and stupid

Yes – represented by one block with flat side facing upwards, and the other down. It means ‘yes’ as an answer to your question.

No – represented by both blocks with flat side facing downwards. It means ‘no’ as an answer to your question.

So you can imagine how fun it is when you can communicate with your desired god, deity or dead relative. Just fire a question and you’ll get an answer. Eg.

“Dear god, am I going to get laid tonight?” [toss the moon blocks]

“Come on god. Please be serious. Am I going to get laid tonight?” [toss the moon blocks]

“Is it because I’m not good looking enough?” [toss the moon blocks]

Hoooboy. Reality check confirmed by your god. Cool tool, eh? That’s why when one of my colleagues lamented to me how complicated it was for him when his boss died (in an accident a few weeks ago), I actually suggested him to use a pair of ‘moon blocks’ to communicate with his boss (in modern days, ‘moon blocks’ can also be substituted by 2 coins, or a pair of shoes…)

Boss am I doing a good job? [toss moon blocks]
Boss do you approve to give me a 50% increment this year? [toss moon blocks]
I’m asking you again, do you approve to give me a 50% increment? [toss moon blocks]

Just toss until he says yes. (that’s what the every Chinese do anyway, toss until the desired answer comes up). It’s going to be wicked. If this works, I’m gonna kill my boss tomorrow and use this solid method to climb the corporate ladder.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 

3 Comments to “moon blocks for your future”

  1. Chichicha says:

    C’on Ooi, you can’t simply toss that block at anywhere you like. You can’t toss it and ask for your desired answer while you shitting and having nothing to do in cubicle. You got to toss right infront of your “target”, even have to do it right infront of his/her tomb if he/she is dead. No joke…

    If your boss still kicking alive in office, how you gonna toss for those questions?

  2. Ah Beng says:

    Well Mike did say kill his boss, then he can toss the moon blocks infront of his grave hehe

    so..what happens if you get all the yes you want with buying a 4D number ( dear god, would i get first prize if i bought this number 8888?) then loss? hehe will he be asking again ( dear god were you joking with me on the number?)

  3. michaelooi says:

    Chichicha – No shit sherlock. Read properly.

    Ah Beng – I don’t know ler, I didn’t invent that damn thing. I thought you guys are smart enough to spot the satire of the whole thing…

The commenting function has been closed.