March 8, 2010

MB

Whenever I am cutting through the country roads when fetching my wife back to her hometown, there is always this one type of driver that peeves me down to my spine – I’d call them, The MBs. It is an acronym of something rather insensitive, so, just take it as it is.

These MBs, are usually identifiable by their trademark of sticking an arm out of the window. Usually males of Malay descent. No one knows why do they do that. Some say they do that because they smoke. But I’ve seen many of them who weren’t smoking, and would still stick out an arm just for the hell of it.

Now, why do I harbor such a deep animosity towards these MBs? That’s because they’re road hazards and they make our lives difficult. How? By driving like sloths. Almost all of them would drive at speed lower than 30 kph. That’s roughly the speed of an old man with arthritis on a bicycle. If one has a skull cap on, that’s a Pak Haji variant of the MBs. These Pak Hajis are the elites of being extremely slow like fuck, and their speed is roughly 20kph to a total stop on the middle of the road. These people are so slow on roads, that heavy trucks are desperate enough to overtake them at tight corners – endangering the oncoming traffic in the process. God knows how many people were killed in road accidents because of them.

I suspected that these people drive so slow because of their intrinsic habit of being rustic. Pretty much like why a dog still runs in circle before going to sleep despite living in an urban setting. These people are so used to riding on bull carts and buffaloes, that it got ingrained in their DNA to move at that range of speed (this also explains why they are not able to operate any indicator switch inside a darn car. Carts and buffaloes do not have switches). That’s why when they get to drive a motorized vehicle, they couldn’t help but being fascinated with the fact that they don’t have to feed that thing some hay or flog it to make it move. Just step on the pedal and off they go. They’d then stick their arm out of the window to feel the wind caressing them and have a Pocahontas moment there.

To all of you MBs out there, fuck you. I hope all your chickens will turn into toyols and steal all your goats, and you’d have nothing to fuck when you’re bored.

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11 Comments to “MB”

  1. hobo says:

    Dude. This is uncool.

  2. Tan Yee Hou says:

    Yeah man you see alot of these Mercedes Benzes along the kampung roads.

    Fucking annoying man!

  3. Arkane says:

    I seen MB’s in Penang as well. No need to travel to kampung to see them.

  4. michaelooi says:

    hobo – The hobo talks about being uncool. Cool.

    TYH – Yeah, except that they don’t really drive Benz’s…

    Arkane – Some of them move to the cities. Not only in Penang, but in big cities like KL also.

  5. jen says:

    biar lambat asalkan selamat :)

  6. Kayzy says:

    If you’re driving in City roads where there’s more than 1 lane, that’s fine. But in single lane roads, you’re also wasting other drivers’ time on the road, slow is fine, but not 20,30,40 km/h, Please. Malaysians are always taught of thinking speed kills, wrong! It’s the driving attitude and habit that kills.

  7. EinsamSoldat says:

    My blood easily boils when I drive, it boils even more when some pricks doing Sunday driving in the fast lane. It reaches its limits when some cock sucking pricks driving in “luxury” car slowly as if as the passenger is fellating the driver.

  8. nick says:

    it always makes me smile when i encounter these a-holes. whenever i honk them for their stupid driving, they will retaliate by glaring at me (sometimes accompanied with the finger, making their best samseng face. this happens especially when they have passengers to impress.

    oh yeah, they are the kings on the road, everyone else is wrong, they are always right. f**kers

  9. michaelooi says:

    jen – Good luck in all your endeavors, my friend.

    kayzy – Road hogging is not fine in all kinds of paved roads. But you’re right on the attitude kills.

    einsamsoldat – I also boil all the time. Lately, I’ve been trying to learn how to deal with that… because my daughter is beginning to pick up some nasty language from me…

    nick – The thing with these people is, they never realize why are they being honked at… do you realize that?

  10. sk says:

    it happens to me one fine morning on my way to work. this MB was driving a Volvo S80 cheebyely slow on the fast lane in federal highway, what boils me is when i try to over take this MB, he accelerates on purpose. That’s it! i f**ked his Volvo with my Kembara (it’s a company car, who cares) then squeezed through some traffic and lost him. muahahaha….

  11. Riki says:

    Now i know why my BFF gave your blog a damn good rating! I feel you, man. Why? Coz this is Malaysia LAH!

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