February 23, 2010

CNY rant II

Chinese New Year. It is a period when you get to see all these people trying to dress to impress. They’re like a bunch of creepy crawlies hiding under a rock for the whole year, and suddenly, all appear at the same time to show everyone that they’re doing real well or something. Especially the housewives. Having been staying at home the whole year, they’d go all out to look like a motherfucking clown. You know, extreme makeover, and expensive hairdo held by a shitload of hairspray.

Things that I don’t fucking understand.

Scorching 33 degrees C, and I can’t believe that there are people who’d still hairspray their hair and put on an inch thick of makeup just to visit some relatives. Imagine the discomfort. The hairspray will melt, and release all these noxious fumes in the car. Some of it would plop down and pave another layer of sticky substance over the face. And as they dab the mixture of sweat, hairspray and chemicals off their wrinkled face with a tissue paper, bits of the paper would stick on their face, and then they’d use the same fucking tissue paper to wipe their mouth – ingesting the chemicals in the process, and subsequently suffer some form of brain damage. And then throughout the whole year (with the damaged brain), they’d give us a hard time by being irrational, driving like a stupid fuck endangering lives and being a consummate bitch.

The other day, I saw a lady in her mid 70’s sporting this Michael Jackson wig hairdo near my place. Visiting relatives or something. I couldn’t help but wonder, how embarrassing it must be for her children (whom I reckon must be in their 50s or 60s). Well, at least it would be for me. I’d imagine myself make up stories to the host that my mom’s not feeling well and the drugs are making her wacky. And how hard it would be for them to be in the same car with her, slowly suffocating from the strong hairspray fume – crowbarring their lungs and livers.

So much for an auspicious New Year. I wonder if hairsprays are made flammable for a specific reason…

michaelooi  | rantings  | 

6 Comments to “CNY rant II”

  1. mott says:

    Hahah..how I love Penang and her ladies.

  2. Eric says:

    Happy CNY to u too! Just got back from Penang & Koh Lipe (temperature must have been >33 deg C, more like 40!).

    Yup, u’re right, almost everyone was in their discomfort best, even at 2pm’s scorching heat. Man, I was in cotton T’s & shorts the whole week, and not enough beer & 100Plus in between.

  3. jen says:

    forgive them as they only get to dress up & show off like on a year.
    i bought a new pyjamas and felt so comfortable wearing it during the whole cny.

  4. michaelooi says:

    mott – Penang and her aunties, you mean…

    Eric – I was in my cotton T and shorts too, except that I had too much alcohol. My blood was flowing with alcohol for the whole week!

    jen – Yeah, I know… like a mad dog being let loose…

  5. EinsamSoldat says:

    Gotta love this old but goldie CNY advert which nails most chinese heads http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmoqoL3XONc The dress and the old fashion opera is as good as it gets in relating that everything is putting up a “Big Show”.

  6. SK says:

    cut them some slack, they may not have a beautiful childhood as you bro.
    so just let them be happy for once. Cheerio!

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