Chinese New Year. It is a period when you get to see all these people trying to dress to impress. They’re like a bunch of creepy crawlies hiding under a rock for the whole year, and suddenly, all appear at the same time to show everyone that they’re doing real well or something. Especially the housewives. Having been staying at home the whole year, they’d go all out to look like a motherfucking clown. You know, extreme makeover, and expensive hairdo held by a shitload of hairspray.

Things that I don’t fucking understand.

Scorching 33 degrees C, and I can’t believe that there are people who’d still hairspray their hair and put on an inch thick of makeup just to visit some relatives. Imagine the discomfort. The hairspray will melt, and release all these noxious fumes in the car. Some of it would plop down and pave another layer of sticky substance over the face. And as they dab the mixture of sweat, hairspray and chemicals off their wrinkled face with a tissue paper, bits of the paper would stick on their face, and then they’d use the same fucking tissue paper to wipe their mouth – ingesting the chemicals in the process, and subsequently suffer some form of brain damage. And then throughout the whole year (with the damaged brain), they’d give us a hard time by being irrational, driving like a stupid fuck endangering lives and being a consummate bitch.

The other day, I saw a lady in her mid 70’s sporting this Michael Jackson wig hairdo near my place. Visiting relatives or something. I couldn’t help but wonder, how embarrassing it must be for her children (whom I reckon must be in their 50s or 60s). Well, at least it would be for me. I’d imagine myself make up stories to the host that my mom’s not feeling well and the drugs are making her wacky. And how hard it would be for them to be in the same car with her, slowly suffocating from the strong hairspray fume – crowbarring their lungs and livers.

So much for an auspicious New Year. I wonder if hairsprays are made flammable for a specific reason…

I don’t understand why Company X management likes to give out mandarin oranges during CNY. They’d order a truck of those crappy mandarin oranges – which taste like a can of paint – and have a bunch of its high level employees wasting the whole day, just to coordinate the distribution of those cheebye oranges.

I was pissed because one of them had to excuse himself from attending a meeting of mine to participate in the so called 1Malaysia spirit to distribute the oranges in the office. Like we’re all dying to eat the fucking oranges. It was mind boggling to see execs like that lowlife of a scumbag giving priority to this trivial matter over a potential million dollar deal.

And what’s even more fucked up, was after a whole day’s work of being busy doing real work, I was greeted by this mound of oranges on my office desk. There were 4 different types of them, and about a dozen in quantity. Half of them, came without a plastic bag or a holder. In other words, I can’t fucking carry all of them home unless I can find a plastic bag, which I can’t, or if I have 2 extra hands. So the bunch of soggy headed motherfuckers must be expecting us employees to hoover at least half a dozen of those crappy tasting oranges in the office to boost our productivity, until the number’s good enough for us to handcarry them out.

Why can’t they just fucking give us a 5 ringgit angpow instead? They would have saved all the trouble ordering, transporting and distributing those goddamn oranges! Fucking idiots.