January 25, 2010

jinxed

I was at my cube working when I had the sudden urge to defecate. You know, the kind that comes out without warning and full of fart. I didn’t want to wait until it gets out of control so, I quickly rushed to the nearby toilet – in hope that the condition does not develop into a full scale diarrhea. (it was quite a distance from my cube to the toilet).

But before I could even reach the toilet, I was blocked by this fucking dumbass manager who wanted to have an impromptu discussion with me. You see, there is this one thing I absolutely abhor about the managers in Company X – is that they have the tendency to stop you in the middle of a corridor and engage you for a discussion. They never call your desk phone when you’re at your desk, or when you’re in the same meeting with them. They always do it at the corridor. I don’t know what the fuck’s with that.

That was exactly what’s happening that day, and it couldn’t have happened at a worse time. I wanted to go to shit very badly. But I couldn’t escape, because the manager is an important person, and he was asking me something even more important. I realized that I couldn’t just wave that fucker off so, I decided to play along nice, and held on my urge while fending off the manager’s stab at my knowledge. It took him about a whole minute – which felt almost like forever – before I could resume my rush to the toilet to shit. I swear, if I were to be held any longer, I would have farted right in front of him or worse, soil my underwear. That would have been catastrophic.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s going to help if we can have a special express lane in the office dedicated to the people who do not want to be disturbed. Or perhaps a ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ pass in bright yellow around the neck that gives absolute immunity from any form of disturbances to the wearer. Those who violate the rule, shall be made to wash all the cars in the parking lot, or made to empty those bloody pad bins inside the Ladies for a work Quarter. That’s definitely going to perk up the productivity a little.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 

6 Comments to “jinxed”

  1. eric says:

    Congrats on making it successfully to the toilet, despite the ‘obstacle’. Had similar situation once, in the board meeting room. Cannot tahan the excrutiating urge and to risk imbuing the room with extra aroma, I switched presentation slots with a colleague, in exchange for a jug of oh-kau. What to do, a man’s gotta go means gotta go la!

  2. woody says:

    Mike,

    You wanna know why.. ?! Adding to your lesson #4

    “They never call your desk phone when you’re at your desk, or when you’re in the same meeting with them. They always do it at the corridor. I don’t know what the fuck’s with that.”

    When they are in meeting, they probably so busy IM-flirting with new young sexy female staff. When they are at their desk, they are probably so busy surfing porn waiting to die of heart attack . Where got time to talk to you, that’s why when they see you in the corridor, they suddenly remember they are actually at work place..

    -woody :)

  3. EinsamSoldat says:

    Corridor meeting, a way to show to other managers that you are freaking busy(mean business) on the expense of actual productivity.

  4. jen says:

    if you were engaged in my co, for sure you shit on ur pants already =P

  5. michaelooi says:

    eric – It’s fast becoming a culture. I can stand up from where I work at any one time now, and I’d see at least 2 groups of people discussing shit on the corridor.

    woody – Well, the sad thing is, there aren’t that many sexy female staff in Company X… Those who are sexy, are usually retarded.

    EinsamSoldat – Yeah, that’s what I thought too. To attract attention…

    jen – So how many times have you shat yours? ;-)

  6. KittyCat says:

    They call it ‘management by walking around’! Haven’t you guessed why they do that yet? It’s to show everyone that they are doing their jobs – who’s gonna know they called you or even if they went into your office? Bet they talk to you extra loudly TO BE SURE THE HIGHER POWERS CAN HEAR THEM in those corridors too ;-)

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