Archive for 2009

February 6, 2009

Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day, as we all know, is a day of celebration for lovers to express their love (and of course, unscrupulous merchants to rip out your gonads through your wallet). It is a day full of love, and a day where people get out to spend like lunatics (which can be a good thing at times of bad like now, stimulate the economy maa…). But apparently, some bigots don’t think it works that way… check this out,

[source]

Valentine’s Day ‘haram in Islam’
JOHOR BARU: The state Religious Department yesterday reminded Muslims here that Valentine’s Day was haram in Islam. The fatwa had been declared in 2005, but the warning, said Mufti Datuk M. Tahrir Samsudin, was the department’s yearly reminder to Muslims not to engage in un-Islamic activities. He said such celebrations “involved elements of vice” and violated Islamic tenets and values. He said the Christian elements found in the celebration also did not correspond with Islamic practices.

‘Involved elements of vice’. I wonder what is so ‘vice’ about showering your loved ones with gifts and attention… Stupid maybe but, ‘vice’? If the Mufti was referring to the sex after meal/gift, haven’t they already outlawed Muslims from having sex out of wedlock? And in the case of a married Muslim couple, where sex is permitted, how ‘vice’ is the couple gonna get? Kind of defies logical sense, isn’t it? Yeah right, like we rape farm animals and act like hantu pocong on Valentine’s Day… ffftttt… what a sad human being.

michaelooi  | snippets  | 23 Comments
February 4, 2009

bracing for the worst

We all know the whole world is folding up. We’re in very bad times now. Everyone is either worrying about losing their job, or worrying about getting a job. If the trend keeps going at the current rate, it will only be a matter of time when there aren’t enough food to go around, and we all then will have to worry about how to live to see the next day.

Now, the big question is – are you going to sit around doing and thinking nothing until that day comes? That was what me and my colleagues talked about this morning. All of us agreed on one thing, that the circumstances aren’t going to be that bad if you’re a farmer. Because at times of worst, the least a farmer could do is sustain his own ass. You know, grow his own vegetables, milk his livestock and shit. But for corporate drones like me and that fat guy behind the desk there, we can’t do that. It’s near impossible to self sustain in our world because we simply don’t have enough land to run a fucking farm… as most of us dwell in condos and apartments.

So how? All my colleagues seem to have no idea on what to do but die a vagrant. But not me. My answer for that is – rabbits. Rear some rabbits. Alright, technically, you only need 2 rabbits of opposite gender, and have them make out like no tomorrow. Rabbits breed fast so, in a short span of time, you’d get like, rabbits to the power of 20 (or something like that).

Now why rear rabbits? For food you numb nut. They taste like chicken and they provide a good source of protein. It’s a way to self sustain when the situation warrants for such desperation. Small and quiet, you’d have no problem fitting a lot of rabbits in an apartment. Feeding them will not be difficult either, because they’d pretty much eat anything with roots and green (cheap vegetables, green bananas, anything). Once a rabbit is ripe of age, just skin that little shit up and you can prepare it like chicken (and you can use the skin to make a really cool looking external harddisk enclosure pouch). If you’re a long term person, you can also make rabbit meat jerky for storage with those old little trick you learn from a Chinese cook book. It’s meat at your disposal and it’s a perfect idea.

If you think this is too inhumane and gross, well, you can always choose to die… or you can go for the roaches instead, it’s your choice. The bunnies however, will keep you going and going and going, until one day the sky opens up and someone gives you your job back.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 12 Comments
February 2, 2009

“Ip Man” (2008)

There was already a hype going around about this flick before I watched it – that it was one of the best martial arts action flick EVARR. I was then like ‘Uh oh’, that’s not going to be good because, if you use the word ‘EVARR’, then that shit has to be top notch good… and with expectations set THAT high, things tend to disappoint.

And as I reckoned… it didn’t cut the cake. I mean, it wasn’t bad per se, but, it didn’t live up to the expectation that it is one of the best EVARR. Sure enough, Donnie Yen delivered a never before solid performance (he was Christian Bale good), and the fight choreography was impressive. But it was the plot that ruined the whole thing.

I don’t know if it’s just me but, do you guys notice that there has been like, a fucking dozen martial art flicks out there that went with the ‘beat-the-Japanese’ theme? I understand this is to placate the Chinese audience but, do we really have to do this so fucking often? This is as hackneyed as what the Hindustans did with their train fights and groupie dances. I mean, come on, can’t these people come up with a better and more intelligent plot at all? Something new? Something fresh? Hello?

If you were to ask me, I’d say the “Once Upon A Time in China” franchise was a better watch. The fights might not look as good as contemporary action flicks but, they’re still way more superior as a package. They were with much more surprises and interesting plots (also, check out the “Swordsman” franchise). Those are the best. “Ip Man” however, is definitely not in that ‘EVARR’ league. 6/10 (only for the action, nothing else)

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | Comments Off
February 1, 2009

“Afro Samurai: Resurrection” (2009)

I am never a fan of Japanese manga. Too fucking emo and shit for me. And besides, I don’t understand Japanese and I absolutely hate dubbed audios (though it doesn’t make any fucking difference for animated characters).

But “Afro Samurai” is different. The first time I saw it, I immediately fell in love with its styles and stuff. Over the top violence and gore… Exaggerated poses and maneuvers. I immediately knew this is my kind of shit. Remember those nice short animated manga in “Kill Bill” with blood jetting out of mutilated bodies? Afro Samurai is many times more violent than that. That’s why I love it.

“Afro Samurai: Resurrection”, despite being the first full length movie ever released, does not have a standalone plot. It is somewhat a continuation from a 5-episodes-series released back in 2007. That means, you’ve got to watch the 5-episodes-series to be able to fully grasp what the fuck’s going on in “Afro Samurai: Resurrection”.

The plot revolves around the life of Afro Samurai (voiced by Samuel L. Jackson), a samurai warrior of African descent, and 2 head bands – the No.1 head band, a much coveted prize of being the most awesome samurai ever existed (almost godlike), and the No.2 head band, the only headband that allows a samurai who possesses it to challenge the No.1 title. Sort of confusing but, one really needs to watch the 5 episodes to understand (email me if you want to know where to download the 5 episodes). Afro Samurai, who possesses the No.1 head band (explained in the 5 episodes) and a semi-retired peaceful life, one day got his ass creamed by a band of villains (who had a long violent history with him – again, explained in the 5 episodes) and lost his No.1 head band, is then forced to become the cold blooded killer he once was, to cut through countless of foes that stand in his path, to get the No.2 head band, and then seek to save his dead ‘father’ from being resurrected by the villains (again, one has to cross reference back to the 5 episodes to understand what’s the deal with his father).

A gripping and action packed flick – teeming with gory violence, foul language and unbelievably detailed graphics. But then still, in my humble opinion, the 5 episodes rawked even harder. I consider this a ‘toned down’ version of the 5-episodes-series (probably to go easy on the ratings), that features deeper plots and more badass battles. Notwithstanding being a little bit floppier than the series, the “Afro Samurai: Resurrection” is still one of the most enjoyable full length animated films I’ve ever watched… 7/10 (I’d give the series 8/10 though…)

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | Comments Off
January 29, 2009

“Towelhead” (2008)

(a.k.a “Nothing is Private”)
This is a very wrong flick (in a negative way) for many reasons – it has scenes of a minor getting raped by an adult, sexually assaulted by an adult, getting duped by horny individuals for their own sexual gratification (pube shaving, masturbation, tits kneading), physical abuse by an adult and also a semi-incestuous part. Though this may sound totally like a Japanese fetish porn, the flick bares no gonads nor funbags (which kind of nulls the idea of it being a porn)

The story is about a girl of middle eastern descent dealing with her puberty and her seemingly uncontrollable libido, which is taken advantage of by basically almost every guy she happens to meet – her mom’s boyfriend, her classmate and her pedophiliac neighbor. Revolves just around a neighborhood and a couple of houses, and with plenty of dull drama.

One can tell that this is a very low budget flick – the acting was very poor (some underacting, and some overacting), the script was lame and the plots didn’t connect. I guess it was intended to be emotionally engaging and shit, but it clearly didn’t work too well. This flick probably would appeal some semi retarded overly emotional middle aged authoritarian housewives, but it was simply too dull, stupid and preposterous for me. I finished this in almost a dozen sessions, because I can’t make myself sit through the flick for more than 10 minutes each time. (I finished it because I thought the ending would be good… but it flopped big time)

1/10

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | Comments Off