Archive for 2009

December 10, 2009

“Ninja Assassin” (2009)

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to catch a flick at the cinema, but had a hard time choosing what to watch because you’ve never heard any of the titles? That was my dilemma yesterday. My wife and I had a few hours to kill and we didn’t know what to watch. I ended up choosing “Ninja Assassin” because, you know, the title sounded kind of rad (albeit a bit tacky). I used to be fascinated with ninjas as a kid, and I figured, a flick with with the words ‘ninja’ and ‘assassin’ in its title would provide some decent amount of entertainment, right? Well, how wrong was I.

This flick feels like a cheap B-grade work, although one can tell that some decent effort has been put to make it look good. Amidst the CGI fake blood and gravity defying stunts, the flick still fails to deliver any form of excitement I expect from a martial art flick. In fact, it doesn’t even look like a ‘martial art’ flick. The way they presented the ninjas to possess the kind of superhuman abilities (ability to warp through space at light speed, dodge bullets, disintegrate into thin air, and self heal like Wolverine in the X-Men), it looks more like a sci-fi fantasy flick. And if this is a sci-fi fantasy flick, then goddamn – it sucks even more ass! Because expectations on the CGI front would be even higher!

And in case one is wondering, there isn’t much of a plot either. Worse still, the script is also cheesy and the actions bore to the bone. There are just a lot of chaotic flippings and camera shaking effects. Most of the time, I can’t tell who is fighting who (like “Transformers”) and lost about what is happening to the storyline in between the panning. I guess the only probable good thing about the flick is the amount of sweaty pecs shown by the hero, who is played by a popular ah kua Korean boyband singer or something like that (his pecs are even on the poster…), which might appeal to some needy ladies or ‘unstraight’ guys out there. Other than that, I think it’s a total waste of time. (So to say, I really ‘killed’ some time there…)


michaelooi  | movie reviews  | 13 Comments
December 8, 2009

jerk off technician

Remember the power up technician I wrote about some months back? Well, he’s still with us, and he got into trouble again.

This time, it was his attendance. The guy has been missing from work very frequently as of recent, each time citing different excuses. If it’s not headache, it would be eyesore. Up until last week, he had astoundingly missed 70% of his working hours… and he had injured basically every part of his body imaginable. (I later found out from the boss that he has been faking his MCs to shirk)

That was when the boss summoned me and asked what should we do about that guy… you know, with me being the team leader and all that. Since the boss asked, I naturally suggested to slap that lazy turd a warning letter and had him parked under probation. With that probation in place, we could just fire his ass at our desired time… and it would be a good riddance. But then the boss thought I was being too harsh, and decided to yell at the technician instead… on the phone, and the bastard got away scot-free.

Well, what can I say, that son of a bitch was indeed lucky. Had it been me who decided his fate, he would probably be looking for a job now. With a bad record to go with it. But then, I’m not fretting… because I know, it’s just a matter of time before he ruins his own shit with that kind of attitude. His incompetency and sleaziness is growing in him like a cancer… and it’ll take more than just luck to set things right. He needs a total personality makeover and huge deal of miracle.

Right now, I think the only thing that fits for him to do, is to lie down in the path of an excavator as a human shield, for any squatter village that is bound to be demolished by the government… I think he would like that job very much (plenty of sleep, little intelligence). We’ll see.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 8 Comments
December 4, 2009

is everything fine?

I was at Pizza Hut with my wife the other day to spend off a gift voucher we had. Halfway through our meal, a lanky Indian waiter startled us by invading our table space with his heavily pockmarked face. He was kind of half stooping in towards us wearing this faked smile and his face was just a few inches off ours (imagine my horror). I had to lean back to make myself less uncomfortable to look at him… and then he said,

Waiter: “Just want to check with you sir, did you get all your orders right? Is everything fine?”

Though annoyed with the sudden invasion, I decided to take the opportunity to feedback about the over diluted and tasteless soup.

Me: “Yes, our orders are ok. But the soup is terrible. It is too watery.”

The guy the gave us this dumbfucked look. Probably an information overload for his unprepared state of mind, because he was not programmed to handle such situation. He was only asked to check the order goddamnit! (missing pizza, missing drinks, you know… the common stuff). This is as impossible as asking him to do something about Rosmah’s bad hair style with a Kingston USB flash drive!

Anyway, he managed to stammer a shitty one liner reply (commendable effort)…

Waiter: “Errmm errrr but this is a pre-mixed soup sir and… err…”

That dumbass could have figured that by mixing in less water, the soup would be less diluted. But it was not in my best interest to educate him about the law of physics or how to mix better soup so, I couldn’t be bothered. I just said,

Me: “Whatever. Pre-mix or not pre-mix, doesn’t matter. This is just a feedback, that your soup sucks.”

That’s the whole idea of asking for feedback, isn’t it? To know what your customers feel about your food and service? So that you can make improve? Isn’t that the main objective? Apparently, the guy had no idea. After my remarks, he just froze for another short moment to process the whole thing, rotated my pizza dish about 10 degrees clockwise (yeah, fucking bizarre, I know) and went off to wipe some plates.

He could have at least go to check on the goddamn soup or something. He doesn’t even have to do anything about it, just pretend to check on it – just not to blatantly being so ignorant about it. But instead, he went to wipe some plates. Jovially. Nabeh.

michaelooi  | experiences  | 11 Comments
December 3, 2009

Malaysian politicians are morons – 2

So, if they’ve been busy staging walk-outs and mooning asses, who’s working?

Penang state assembly: Fourth walkout in four months
GEORGE TOWN: State Opposition leader Datuk Azhar Ibrahim (BN-Penaga) has been suspended till the end of the assembly sitting for refusing to apologise for showing his behind to a backbencher.

Azhar left the House with other 10 Barisan Nasional assemblymen after State Assembly Speaker Datuk Abdul Halim Hussain made the ruling at 9.50am on Thursday, just 20 minutes after the morning session started.

The assemblymen who walked out pledged their support for Azhar and said they, too, would not attend the remaining sitting.

Earlier, Sim Tze Tzin (PKR-Pantai Jerejak) complained to Abdul Halim under Order 51 (5) that Azhar had shown his behind at him before leaving the chamber on Wednesday.

“I and my colleagues feel insulted. This is unbecoming of a five-term assemblyman,” Sim said.

Azhar, interjected that he had bent over to collect his briefcase, when he was ordered out by Deputy Speaker Tan Hock Leong after an exchange of words with Sim on that day.

“I did not intend to show him my buttocks. I won’t apologise,” he said before demonstrating the act three times to loud jeers from the House.

Abdul Halim, who said he watched the incident on a video, directed Azhar to apologise to Sim.

When Azhar refused, he suspended him till the end of this session’s sitting which is expected to be on Friday.

During lunch break, the press watched a seven-minute footage of Wednesday’s proceedings, which showed Azhar bending before he was asked to leave.

When met outside the assembly, Azhar told reporters that the attacks on him were a conspiracy to keep him from raising points during the sitting.

“Yesterday (Wednesday), I was ordered to leave because the Deputy Speaker does not understand Bahasa Melayu but pretends he does.

“I said ‘dua, tiga kerat’ which, in layman’s slang, means ‘two or three people’. We are not talking about ‘kerat kemaluan’ (penis).

“And today, they claimed that I showed my buttocks,” he said.

Sim, who spoke to the press afterwards, said the video of the state assembly proceedings “clearly showed” that Azhar was not reaching for his bag.

“It is degrading that we have stooped so low. I think this has brought shame to the assembly,” he said.

Malaysian politicians are truly morons.

michaelooi  | snippets  | Comments Off
November 30, 2009

parasitic see lai’s

I recently came to know from an old friend about a certain ‘see lai‘ (a housewife) who remarked about my blog being too ‘whiny’ and querulous. Always complain about this, always complain about that. And that she hated guys like me, who is rude and a consummate asshole. It was so serious, that she had to BAN her husband from reading my blog (on top of banning him from playing computer games)… because apparently, I could be of bad influence to her husband and subsequently, I presume, affect her marriage.

But then the strange thing is, she still reads my blog. Maybe not everyday but, occasionally. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it gives her the sense of being able to snoop behind enemy lines and unravel the mystery of men’s mind. Maybe she thought that by reading the stuff I wrote here, she could be best prepared of the possible undoings that her husband might be able to plot… and she could always be one step ahead to preempt any potential fuck ups.

I wonder what kind of a wretched person would do that to her husband (ban him from playing games, reading blogs, etc). What makes her think she has the right to do that. I wonder how would the bitch feel if her husband were to ‘ban’ her from going shopping or visit the pedicure/manicure parlor. I bet she’d get all feisty and shit. But the husband can never do that, because the bitch would tell everyone how abusive her sicko husband was, and he would be confronted by all her retarded family members big time.

I can’t help but notice, this is also the same kind of housewife that would deprive her husband of self esteem. The kind that yells and shouts at her husband overtly. A power crazy and self centered Nazi bitch who takes every opportunity to create an autocracy environment at home. One that is worse than a succubus. If you have watched “Jennifer’s Body”, then you’ll know that a succubus gives a one off clean kill with minimal suffering, while a nefarious bitch like this see lai here latches on a host (her husband) and sucks the life slow and painful out of him for a life time.

It is only a matter of time before everything boils over and turn into a full fledged domestic violence. Either the bitch eventually takes the total dominance for granted and moves on to physical abuse, or the husband has enough of everything and kills her out of sheer rage. It couldn’t be good either way.

So to you docile victims out there, listen up. It’s not going to work if your wife/girlfriend acts like she’s a total bitch and disrespects you. A relationship, be it conjugal or not, has to be in a symbiosis basis. She good for you, you good for her. It pretty much includes she accepting your flaws, and you accepting hers. If it is good only for a single side, that is called a parasitic relationship. One of you has to be the host and the other a parasite. There’s only 1 ending for a parasitic relationship. The host fucking dies and the parasite moves on to another host.

If your spouse is a parasite, you need to deworm yourself from that sucker for a greater good. Pronto. Well, unless you want to die. Tell her to fuck off if she prohibits you from playing games/reading If she ever yells at you for no reason at all, flip her a bird (or stop paying her any allowance). Or if she’s too much of a menace to bear, dump her ass already. You deserve something better. You need to pick up your arms, lay down your pussy and fight for your rights!

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 15 Comments