December 10, 2009

“Ninja Assassin” (2009)

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to catch a flick at the cinema, but had a hard time choosing what to watch because you’ve never heard any of the titles? That was my dilemma yesterday. My wife and I had a few hours to kill and we didn’t know what to watch. I ended up choosing “Ninja Assassin” because, you know, the title sounded kind of rad (albeit a bit tacky). I used to be fascinated with ninjas as a kid, and I figured, a flick with with the words ‘ninja’ and ‘assassin’ in its title would provide some decent amount of entertainment, right? Well, how wrong was I.

This flick feels like a cheap B-grade work, although one can tell that some decent effort has been put to make it look good. Amidst the CGI fake blood and gravity defying stunts, the flick still fails to deliver any form of excitement I expect from a martial art flick. In fact, it doesn’t even look like a ‘martial art’ flick. The way they presented the ninjas to possess the kind of superhuman abilities (ability to warp through space at light speed, dodge bullets, disintegrate into thin air, and self heal like Wolverine in the X-Men), it looks more like a sci-fi fantasy flick. And if this is a sci-fi fantasy flick, then goddamn – it sucks even more ass! Because expectations on the CGI front would be even higher!

And in case one is wondering, there isn’t much of a plot either. Worse still, the script is also cheesy and the actions bore to the bone. There are just a lot of chaotic flippings and camera shaking effects. Most of the time, I can’t tell who is fighting who (like “Transformers”) and lost about what is happening to the storyline in between the panning. I guess the only probable good thing about the flick is the amount of sweaty pecs shown by the hero, who is played by a popular ah kua Korean boyband singer or something like that (his pecs are even on the poster…), which might appeal to some needy ladies or ‘unstraight’ guys out there. Other than that, I think it’s a total waste of time. (So to say, I really ‘killed’ some time there…)


michaelooi  | movie reviews  | 

13 Comments to ““Ninja Assassin” (2009)”

  1. feizal says:

    8 people that i have asked all seemed to really like ninja assassin…few of them were going ape-shit-happy telling describing the scenes…So naturally I thought it will be an awesome flick to watch..

    So, I did plan to see it this weekend………………until I read this.

  2. 2Damage says:

    I regret I watched it in Cinema and wasted my RM7. Should just donwload from BT.
    There is another movie called “Ninja” is even worse. Don’t waste time download. :)

  3. rzmie says:

    Yeah, its not good. Its lots of fight but the plot is kind of crappy. The ninja can kill most of the police / agents at the agency safe building but lose when the police attack their place. And the ninja didn’t put any sentry around their HQ. Maybe they are confident with their power. After exit the cinema, my wife said “Too much violence” and she got headache watching the film.

  4. michaelooi says:

    feizal – Well, why don’t you go ahead with the plan to watch it, and then calibrate your opinion versus mine? That way, you’d know who to trust in the future…

    2Damage – It does not worth even a download recommendation from me. This flick is totally crappy like that.

    rzmie – Your wife was giddy not because of ‘too much violence’, but because they shook the camera too much. (you want to see real violence? Watch “Inglourious Basterds”… highly recommended)

  5. ohmygod says:

    Whoa there, “calibrate your opinion”, me tinks you may have gone overboard here. haha

  6. jen says:

    wanted to watch ninja so badly. guess i’ll just skip it now. have you watched/going to watch twilight?

  7. michaelooi says:

    ohmygod – Why is that? I don’t get you…

    jen – Twilight is for ah kuas… count me out.

  8. feizal says:

    dude, ive read your other movie reviews. I can count on you brudda

  9. Jase Lee says:

    Did you read about Megan Fox trying to date that Hujan a few times? He rejected her straight!

    So that left only 2 explanations.

    1. Hujan got a better looking hot girlfriend than Megan Fox.

    2. Hujan is gay/ah kua/transvestites/pondan/bapok/etc.

  10. michaelooi says:

    jase – Serious?? Wow. He should have at least pork her for 1 week, and then dump her ass. The publicity’s going to do a lot of good for his career ler…

  11. nick says:

    inglorious basterds, yeah that movie is awesome, super violent with very graphic scenes, especially the swastika carving on nazis’ foreheads. highly stim.

    did i use the word stim correctly? how do you describe “ninja assassin” using the word stim? ninja assassin is stim stim?

  12. sweewon says:

    Have you watched the movie Funny Games (2007)? I saw the “trailer” in a DVD and Googled it (here: From the review, the movie seems a bit disturbing though. Didn’t dare to watch. Haha.

  13. Hey, I seem to like all those that u call ‘ah kua’. Well, if I can’t get pecs at home, then ‘stim’ at silver screen also can loh…

    Also noted that u seems to relate pecs to ‘ah kua’…mmmmmm (suspiciously)…

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