November 23, 2009


I came across the name ‘Maggie’ today and got reminded of my trollop sister. Yes, people… despite being known as ‘Beancurd’ here, that’s actually not her real name (if you can’t tell). My sister likes people to call her ‘Maggie’.

But then you see, Maggie isn’t her real name either. Like me, she adopted that English name when she was a teenager. Unlike her, I adopted mine for a good reason – my real name is too fucked up and people with inadequate intelligence will not be able to pronounce it properly. So, in order to make myself more sociable and not too celestial, I adopted the name ‘Michael’, and got my mom’s approval on it.

My sister however, chose not to tell anyone at home about her fancy name. She just tagged along her friend to a church one day, and suddenly she’s ‘Maggie’. Fucking shit. So when hordes of her itchy male friends started to call our home to look for ‘Maggie’, they’re conveniently fended off like stray insects on the windscreen of a moving vehicle at night.

“Hello, may I speak to Maggie?”
“Sorry, wrong number.”

You get the idea. It wasn’t long before my sister started to realize that she’s regressing towards the opposite direction in popularity amongst her retarded friends, and soon got my ass responsible for everything by screaming at me at the top of her lungs one day… (as I was the one who answered the phone most of the time… and a much easier target than my mom)…

“What? Where got?”
“Maggie! That’s me! I am Maggie! Whom you told my friends no such person exists!”
“Since when you’re known as Maggie!? How would I know if you didn’t tell anyone about it??”
“Just mind your business, ok?? I’m going to smack you if you ever do this again!!”
“Maggie… what a stupid name. Why don’t you call yourself Indomie or Cintan instead?? Pffhh”

But what did I know. I was just a kid. I thought she named herself after a popular brand of instant noodle. I didn’t know it is short form for Margaret, a beautiful name. Perhaps she named herself ‘Maggie’ to do her personality some justice, which she severely lacked of. You know, like a fake plastic bait to lure fish (fish = guys, in her case). Or could be that, she named herself after a popular 80’s Hong Kong actress – Maggie Cheung. But rest be assured, my sister looked nothing like Maggie Cheung… well, except maybe if she were to have a tumor in her colon, my sister could look like that piece of tumor, covered in shit.

But my best bet is still, she named herself ‘Maggie’ as a short form not for ‘Margaret’… but for ‘maggot’, which aptly describes her character very well. Oh yeah.

michaelooi  | characters  | 

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