November 16, 2009

Hidden minefield in shopping malls

It’s true. They’re there. Hidden minefield in shopping malls. But only the people with children can see them. They’re called ‘kiddy rides’.

These kiddy rides, they aren’t usually confined to a specific area, but are scattered all over the fucking mall. Most of the time, you’d least expectedly run into them at strategic places that you can’t avoid like the walkway to the escalator, or the foyer right next to the lavatory. You won’t exactly know they are there either, until you see them, which is already too late.

And these ‘minefields’ are not like any regular minefield. It does not mean that if you are careful enough not to step onto a mine, you won’t get hurt. The mines in the minefields are alive. You don’t have to step onto any of the mines. The mines will come to you. Just like that ‘magnetic mines’ you see in Terminator Salvation. Only the difference is, instead of using a magnet to do the trick, the ‘kiddy ride’ mines use bright colors and exaggerated cartoon characters to daze kids, and entrance them to do the evil bidding of parting money from their parents.

Each ride costs about 1 to 2 bucks. Not much to many of you, but consider this – all a ride ever does is repetitively move up and down (or sideways), and lasts a little less than a minute. And they’re basically all identical with seemingly limited entertainment value, only with different shapes. One can basically get more by driving a car with stiff absorbers through the ubiquitous bumps and potholes on our Malaysian roads. But for some fucked up reasons, kids can never get enough of them. They’d scream and squirm out of clutches, and their parents would get a momentary glimpse into the future on how their kids would misbehave when they see their favorite boy/girl band. And before you know it, you’re paying for a few rides, just so that the rugrat won’t spoil your day any further. And that’s just one minefield. A few more to go.

And I got an extra a couple days ago. While lifting my almost 20kg daughter onto one of the rides, I hurt my back. And now, I am having difficulty to pick up a bar of soap on the floor without looking like I just had my dick circumcised with a can opener. I think I’m gonna blindfold my daughter the next time I go to a fucking mall.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 

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