Archive for October, 2009

October 9, 2009

dead mozzie

Murdered this fucker in my lab today

dead mosquito

Yes, that crimson shit at its ruptured abdomen is my blood.

michaelooi  | nonsense  | Comments Off
October 7, 2009

blank talk

Dinner with my wife Emily. I was having some Ipoh salt-marinated chicken and got reminded of the movie ‘Mongol’ when I ripped out a wishbone. In the movie, the hero (Temujin, also known as Genghis Khan when he became a conqueror) gave a wishbone (of an exotic bird) to his girlfriend as a gift. It was a somewhat romantic thing to do, so naturally, I offered it to Emily…

Me: “Dear, this is called a wishbone. I saw in a movie the other day, that it brings good fortune. You can wear it like a locket if you want…” [waving the chicken wishbone at her]

Emily: “So where is this on the chicken?”

Me: “I’m not too sure, I think it should be around the collar. That’s where I ripped this thing off the chicken. But I don’t think humans have wishbones though. We have collarbones in place of a wishbone…”

Emily: “Speaking of collarbones, I’ve heard from around that men find women with protruding collarbones attractive. Like this…” [shows me her collarbones]

Me: “I think that’s a total bullshit. There are only 2 things that men will find attractive in a woman – tits and ass.”

Emily: [rolls eyes]

Me: “No wait, legs also. A woman with killer legs goes a long way. And yeah, shaved armpits of course.”

(There are actually many things of course, but protruding collarbones are definitely not the popular ones.)

Emily: “Women in China believe that armpit hair brings fortune…”

Me: “That’s bullshit too. If armpit hair could bring fortune, then monkeys in China would have been filthy rich there…”

It was an enjoyable dinner with my beloved wife.

This post is dedicated to those girls who like to camwhore in front of their stupid webcam and act like they’re cute Pukimon character. Also, a personal message to them – “fuck you and your repulsive pictures”.

michaelooi  | 2-of-us  | Comments Off
October 5, 2009

butterface

but-ter-face [buht-er-feys]
Chick with a hell of a nice body, but the face is ugly.
“She looked real good… but her face (butterface)”

[source]

That was what I saw at a Japanese restaurant the other day. I was with my wife and daughter for lunch and saw a young girl that resembled a fucking catfish, but with a knockout body wearing a very revealing top (seriously, the neckline of her top was so low, that if I were to throw a rock at her blindfolded, I could hit her sternum). The girl was sitting a couple tables away, but my sitting position was strategic enough to be able to see her very clearly.

The most standout thing about her was her pair of delectable tits. Fair, plump and half exposed, it took very little processing energy for a gawker to imagine how the rest of her chest looks like. I wasn’t able to concentrate very well on my food, needless to say. There was a time when the girl choked on some wasabi and coughed, sending massive ripples on her tits, and actually made them bounce. Almost made my eyes teary (wait, that could be my own wasabi effect…).

I was secretly hoping that one of her tits would bounce out and made my day, but I think she caught me gawking, and became very animated when she talked to her friend (she was with a friend). She would speak with such eloquence, you know, flailing her arms, pointing up and down like she was giving a political speech, and her huge bouncy motherfucking tits would resonate along. If there was an earthquake happening, I’d probably be impervious to it because watching her tits bouncing would cancel the vibration out. No shit.

That was when my wife Emily caught me looking over the table and said,

Emily: “Busy ogling at titties? Don’t know how to eat already?”

I snapped back into reality and quickly came up with an excusable excuse,

Me: “Yeah, did you see how that girl dresses? Man, her tits are so massive and exposed. I’m so worried that Regine would comment something about her rack…” [concerned expression]

I was referring to the time when Regine said “I can see your boobies!” when she saw my cousin wearing something revealing.

Emily: “Yeah, that’s what I fear too.”

Close call indeed. I cut down the ogling after that. There’s only so much silly excuses one could make. But on and off, I still checked the tits out (not her please)… but they didn’t bounce out or anything. You can imagine my disappointment. She left the premise a while after that, and only then, I could eat my lunch with a clear mind.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | Comments Off
October 1, 2009

short people and tape worms

My colleagues and I have been discussing about someone in Company X who climbed the corporate ladder too damn fast. Then I brought up something which I have been believing all these while – sucking up the bosses gives one an unfair advantage.

I think I’ve blogged about this before. You can read it here.

As a conclusion – a person’s prospect in a modern, decent sized corporation as it appears, does not solely depend on the person’s competency to work. It has to be more than that. Like, enhancing his/her relationship with his/her superior. The most popular method is to play golf. You play golf with your boss, he gets to know you better. You’d get all the time to be with him, alone. You get to be creative in front of him and show him what a brilliant person you are even if you’re not.

But then, today, I came upon a realization. What if a person’s short? Like, fucking short? How to play golf to suck up the boss? Now we all know golf is not a short people’s game. That’s because one has to be of a minimum height to be able to play golf because the length of a golf club is standardized and short people won’t be able to use it (well, unless the short guy saws off a portion of the club, but the club is gonna lose the kinetic required to hit a ball).

So, does that mean short people couldn’t suck it up to their bosses? And then it occurs to me that short people have their niches to fill. Just like why we have tapeworms. They’re shorter and blood travels to their brain faster – so theoretically, they’re more intelligent and reactive (thus, wilier). But for that advantage, they don’t get to do a lot of things like riding a really cool bike, playing basketball or golf.

So how do short people suck up to their bosses to climb the corporate ladder faster without playing golf? The answer’s simple. Read this old post of mine (I almost forgot about it… and how brilliant I have been…)

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off