October 23, 2009

kepala hantuk dinding – 2

Remember the dumb ass Malay auditor who kept asking me asinine questions? Well, he came into my lab the other day for another round of audit. This time, he was auditing my lab for ‘unconventional housekeeping that may cause occupational hazard’.

After barely walking through my lab for 5 minutes, that guy arrived to a one-sentence conclusion that pretty much summed up every professional opinion he had about me and my fucking lab – “YOUR LAB IS VERY MESSY”.

Being a seasoned employee and been through this many times before, I immediately knew that the single-sentence conclusion was a lame effort to make himself feel important (probably a retaliation of what I did to him before), simply because he did not know what he was looking for and was too dumb to come up with anything intelligent. So I decided to fuck with him.

First, I shot him a barrage of questions pertaining his audit checklist, and requested him to define the word ‘messy’. And then, I requested for an itemized list of findings that made him arrive to the conclusion that my lab was ‘messy’. It was a gratifying experience to watch him struggle for answers. And in one of his findings, he alleged that I didn’t have labels on my monitors (stating that they’re monitors). Can you imagine how retarded was that?

“So, if I don’t label that monitor as a ‘monitor’, I won’t know that it is a monitor? And why is that even relevant to occupational hazard?” – that was what I said to him verbatim. And that was just one of them. There were many more. Some of the items he found were even from his own negligence.

After having that episode of difficult period with Michael the fucking Ooi, the guy published his audit report a week later, and copied my boss / his boss in it. In his email, he emphasized that I needed to ‘fix the issues’ and demanded them to be done in 3 working days. In case you didn’t get what the dickwad did, let me highlight this to you – he used 1 fucking week to type out the simple report, and wanted me to fix the issues in 3 WORKING DAYS.

What would you do? I did what’s best for him. I invited his boss and my boss to conduct a re-audit, which had his own boss questioning almost all of his findings (eg. dusty tables = occupational hazard?), made him look like a total dumbass and had all that items closed right there and then.

Now this guy, however incompetent and daft, is just an auditor with absolutely no weight that could cause any harm. But can you imagine, what if people like him were to be given a task important enough to be able to change your life and mine? It’s gonna spell disaster. Just like what’s happening now in our Malaysian political scene. Nabeh.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 

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