Archive for September, 2009

September 10, 2009

McDonald’s = total dumbass

I’m sure a lot of Malaysian office workers know about McDonald’s McValue Lunch campaign. While it is not exactly a novel idea (to offer discounts to attract business), but it is somewhat successful in drawing more people to patronize its outlets during lunch. Not a surprise since most Malaysians would kill over a ringgit.

What peeves me most about this McValue Lunch thingy, is that it manages to emulate the ‘puasa month’ syndrome. Remember my post about seeing Muslim people hogging the tables way before they break? Well, that’s what has been happening all over Malaysia in McDonald’s outlets during lunch time. People would just hog tables to wait for the clock to strike 12 noon, and they would throng the counter to get that sweet deal. And then the staff would get all too busy and run out of all prepared food and eventually cause ‘fast food’ to become ‘slow food’.

So, the business will be very good after 12pm for McDonald’s. But between 11am – 12pm, the business will be like crap. Nobody will buy anything during that dark hour, unless that person is at the brink of starving to death and there’s no other restaurant in the area of 50km radius. So, the 1 hour period will constitute only pure wastage. Wastage of electricity, water, time and space.

I wonder who was the retard who thought of this. Why can’t they start the McValue Lunch discount straight right after the breakfast at 11am? Then they will have made full use of that 1 hour to maximize their profit – which is better than nothing at all. And they also won’t get the ‘hogging tables’ problem. Why can’t they figure this out already? (but then, if they can, they wouldn’t have sued that macha for using the McCurry name… *smacks head*)

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
September 8, 2009

sharing a thought with boss

Saw a girl at Company X cafeteria with thick makeup, fake eyelashes, GRO grade garbs and a beehive hairstyle. I then turned to my boss (who was with me at the time discussing stuff) and commented, that it is probably a bad idea to hire an employee like her.

Boss asked ‘Why?’.

I said – because a person like her will either

a) Show up late at work – because she’s gonna need the extra time to treat a few thousand kinds of chemicals on her face to look artificially fake like that, precision-attach her fake eyelashes and to set up her ridiculously intricate network of beehive hairstyle. And then she’s going to need more time to select which garb of the week to wear to the office.

b) If she’s early, she’s going to be inefficient – If she’s not late, that would only mean she probably wakes a couple of hours earlier than most people to do all the prep work. Most likely, compensated by having less sleep/rest. It is a known fact that lack of sleep could cause mental, emotional, and physical fatigue. And when the weariness tolls on the body, the chick’s going to have to use more chemicals to cover it up and subsequently, takes even more time to prep, and eventually shows up late at work.

c) If she’s early and efficient – Even if for some miraculous reason she manages to overcome (a) and (b), she’s still going to affect the performance of her workmates, which could be worse. With all the accidental flashings and thick fog of perfume, those who are working around her will be distracted and underperform.

My boss didn’t say a thing – probably a silent acknowledgment that I must be given a raise/promotion pronto in view of my mental elevation towards assholism.

In all seriousness, I understand people need to look good at work – but hell, do they have to go to the extend of making themselves look like a harajuku tramp?

michaelooi  | what I saw  | Comments Off
September 2, 2009

is it well spent?

My girl-cousin got a cash voucher for something she bought at a departmental store lately. The voucher worths only RM10, and she didn’t want it, so she gave it to my mom. My mom didn’t want it either, because she usually hangs out at seedy wet markets, departmental store is so not her thing. So she gave it to my wife Emily. Emily didn’t want it as well, so she gave it to me instead. RM10 voucher, being kicked around like an unwanted bastard. I happily obliged to take it.

Attached with that voucher, was the receipt for the purchase my cousin did, amounted at RM187. I initially thought it was for some expensive T-shirt or something, but hell, it wasn’t. It was for a small bottle of SK-II Facial Treatment Essence! *shocked*

If you do not know what that thing is, well, neither do I. All I know is, women put shits like this on their face to make them seemingly look more beautiful…

Looking at the receipt, I couldn’t help but wonder – how well spent was my cousin’s (and thousands of women’s) money? How much is RM187 to you? To me, that’s an awful lot to spend for some chemical product. The closest chemical to that amount that I can think of right now, is a bottle of 4 liter Castrol SLX 5W-30 engine oil, also known as the ‘Elixir of the Elves’ (probably discontinued, or changed to a new product name, I don’t know… but if I were to drive a high performance car, this is the kind of shit I’m gonna pour into the engine. Good stuff.). Let me spread the facts here, you be the judge whether it is worth spending RM187 for a bottle of SK-II…

VALUE FOR MONEY:
SK-II Facial Treatment Essence – RM187 for 75ml. That’s around RM2.50 per ml. That’s more expensive than a bottle of XO!
Castrol SLX 5W-30 – The last I quoted, it was retailed at RM175 for 4 liters at some spare parts shop. That was a couple years back. If it’s still selling now, it should be around RM200. Worst case scenario, it still works to only barely 20 cents per ml. That’s only 8% of what per ml of SK-II would cost.

INGREDIENTS:
SK-II Facial Treatment Essence – I went to the SK-II site to look for its material safety data sheet, but couldn’t find shit (hey it rhymes). It just states there that the ‘miracle water’ contains 90% Pitera (whatever that is). Probably an extract from the body parts of some small cute fluffy animals.
Castrol SLX 5W-30 – Being a premium grade engine oil, it has shitloads of awesome additives (antiwear, corrosion inhibitor, detergent, viscosity modifier, antioxidant, antifoamant, detergents, etc). It has a whole document on the internet about what it contains if you know where to look. It’s like, paying 20 cents per ml for a thousand more things.

IMPORTANCE:
SK-II Facial Treatment Essence – According to the site, this is what the product does – “this much loved miracle water is a must-have for healthy, radiant skin. It helps maintain the skin’s natural renewal cycle to its optimum condition to allow skin nourishment. It also works to balance the skin’s pH and sebum secretion, so oily and dry areas are properly moisturised.” In layman terms, it means if you don’t use the SK-II Facial Treatment Essence, you’re going to die immediately for being too ugly. Pfft.
Castrol SLX 5W-30 – One word – lube. If you do not put engine oil into your car, your car’s not going to run. Well, it’s probably going to run for a short while, but after that, you’ll notice that your engine’s going heat up like a bitch, and then your car’s going to gradually slow to a halt. Probably even see plenty of white smoke spewing out from the exhaust. And after that, if you’re lucky, you’ll just need to replace the crank shaft or some bearings. Otherwise, you’d probably need to change the whole engine. You can’t live without engine oil.

EASE OF USE:
SK-II Facial Treatment Essence – I don’t actually know how to use this thing, but here’s what I got from the website:”Use twice daily, morning and night. After cleansing, gently pat face and neck using a cotton pad soaked with Facial Treatment Essence. You can even use it on the eye area.” Sounds complicated.
Castrol SLX 5W-30 – You just pour the damn thing into the oil reservoir. You just need to do it every 10,000km or 6 months, whichever comes first. (used oil can be resold as recycled waste)

*****

I guess it’s pretty clear who’s the winner here…

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 9 Comments
September 1, 2009

obsolete

I was hanging out in the family convenient store at Emily’s hometown last weekend, when my 3 year old daughter Regine spotted a contraption near where we sat, pointed at it and said,

“Daddy! I want to play!”

It was a telephone.

“No Regine. That’s a telephone, not a toy.”

My daughter then gave me this puzzled look. I wasn’t suspecting anything, but merely explained further,

“You see, someone might want to use it to call somebody. If you’re playing with it, then they won’t be able to do that.”

She then asked me in a rather surprised tone “Daddy, this is a handphone?”

She actually meant ‘is that like a cellphone?’. You see, I didn’t realize that all along, we do not have a telephone in our home. All we have are cellphones, and a cordless phone when she was barely 2 years old. The closest thing to a phone she has ever seen was a colorful toy telephone with wheels. And even that does not come with an RJ11 cable attached to its base (only a cord to the handset). So she naturally thought that the (real) telephone she saw, was a toy. Now, who would have thought that such a thing could happen? My 3 year old daughter not knowing what a goddamn telephone is. Had to explain to her that the damn thing works like a cellphone, except that it is more inconvenient, and ridiculously huge…

I didn’t know that a telephone is already an obsolete thing from the past…

Come think of it, there are so many ‘everyday items’ from my childhood that my daughter has not seen before. A couple that I can think of right now…

– Cassette players. Plays magnetic tapes in cassettes that hold our audio sources. CDs weren’t that popular in the 80’s (I only bought my first CD when I was 17 – Bon Jovi’s Cross Road). An mp3 device was not invented yet. My mom used to have tonnes of The Beatles, Bee Gees and disco mixes from the 70’s and 80’s (stars on 45 etc) in cassettes she recorded from her colleagues. With a little skill, one could dub a compilation of favorite songs in a blank cassette (without the ‘DOOOOKKKK’ sound in between songs) with a dual deck cassette player. It would take a little over an hour just to record a 60 minute cassette. My Regine now listens to her countless of favorite songs through a miniscule flash drive.

– VCRs. Video cassette recorders. Like audio cassette players, VCRs play our video sources in cassettes as well, called VHS cassettes. VCRs also have these potentiometers labeled as ‘tracking’, for us to adjust, in case the static on the picture becomes unbearable (if you don’t know what it is, you’re fucking lame). Has the tendency to get stuck whenever your mom gets home while you’re enjoying porn. I watched many memorable movies on VHS cassettes (and my first porn, of course, with my cousins). Today, my Regine watches her flicks in DivX format either on daddy’s lap, or streamed to the TV through various flashable medias, at her discretion.

Damn, I can’t believe that my generation is obsoleting.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 9 Comments