Archive for September, 2009

September 27, 2009

a circus without clowns and animals

This is what our Doktor Nasi has to say about Beyonce…

Rais: No reason to stop Beyonce’s show
KUALA KLAWANG: There is no reason to stop popular American singer, Beyonce from holding her show in this country if she adheres to the conditions and regulations stipulated, said Information Communication and Culture Minister Datuk Seri Dr Rais Yatim.

He said protests against popular Western entertainers coming to perform in Malaysia were nothing new.

If she deliberately bares her body and violates the conditions imposed by the authorities, then she would be prevented from performing,” he told reporters after hosting an Aidilfitri open house attended by about 5,000 people of all strata of society, here Sunday.

He said those opposing her show should be patient and see whether it adhered to the conditions imposed. It would certainly be wrong if the show offended the religion.

He said this when asked to comment on the trip here by Beyonce on Oct 25 for a performance although many groups had opposed the show on grounds that it would affect the morals of youths in the country.

Meanwhile, commenting on the open house, Rais said a bigger celebration would be held between his ministry and the Perak state government on Oct 18.

“Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak is expected to deliver an important speech at the function which would also become a symbol for 1Malaysia,” he said. – Bernama

I have one thing to say about this – watching Beyonce without her flailing her tits and ass, will be like watching a circus without clowns and animals. It would be meaningless. Think we’re all mad about her voice and songs? That’s just so fucking sad. Paying to go to a circus without clowns and animals.

Makes me wonder why do people like to organize concerts here. They could have done it at Singapore or Thailand. Malaysians would be more than glad to flock over there to watch them without restrict.

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September 24, 2009

living with old people

A friend recently welcomed a newborn baby girl into his family. Naturally, the thing that we always like to ask is – who is going to take care of the baby? The friend told me, his mother is going to move in to live with him to help take care of the baby.

Then I went, “Oh.” There was a muffled “Shit” from me after that. Then I blessed my friend with the most sincere silent prayer, and wished him all the best. He’s going to need it.

Living in with parents, as I have learned and observed over the years, is not really a clever thing to do. Why? Because no matter how great you think your mom is, she’s not going to get along with you in the same house. The truth is, people from 2 different generations can NEVER get along in the same house. Different house – fine. Just not the same house. (NOTE: I’m not asking everyone to abandon their parents. Just don’t live with them.)

Take my case, for example. I moved in with my mom a few years ago to save on the rents. Then after I have bought my own place, I invited her to live with me. Big fucking mistake (I was an idiot and I should have known that).

The problem began when she turned my house into an orgy of fengshui paraphernalias (blogged about this before, search for ‘fengshui’). Then she started with all these weird attention seeking behaviors
– hogging the goddamn kitchen/toilet every morning my wife and I need to use them (she could have used it when we’ve gone to work, you see… and she NEVER wakes that early during the weekend when we’re not working…)
– sighing around the house doing simple chores (we asked her to leave the chores but she would insist)
– imposing all these taboo shits (eg. restricting us from celebrating my daughter’s birthday, but she herself would do the celebration)
– contradictory, conflicting statements
– unwanted attention from relatives from her gossip mongering…
– etc. (can’t recall all of them)

The conclusion is – it’s never fun living with old people. They give you the kind of stress that makes you want to explode (because you can’t do jack shit about it – the belligerent party here is your fucking mother/father). I’ve heard many people who live with their parents said the same damn thing. They’re like a personal dark stormy cloud that we always see in cartoons that hovers over your head whenever you reach home everyday. You can never be independent, feel free and always void of the happy sunshine.

Now that I think of it, had my mom and I lived separately from each other, our relationship could have been way better than how it is now. It’s a strange thing but, very true.

(I understand that some of you may vehemently disagree with my view about this, and of course, not all old people are assholes. Maybe your mom/dad is a saint and probably is an exception. But the odds are, sadly and needless to say, very low. Like what Dirty Harry likes to ask – “Do you feel lucky punk?”. Ask yourself that before you give her the keys.)

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September 20, 2009

Mat Rempit

Malaysian politicians are full of shit and are fucking retards. Read this:

‘Do more to put Mat Rempit on right road’
PETALING JAYA: Malaysians have been urged to look at the “bigger picture” and do more for youths in an effort to reform the Mat Rempit.

Malaysian Crime Prevention Foundation vice-president Tan Sri Lee Lam Thye said parents needed to learn parenting skills and the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry must strengthen the family institution.

“The Housing and Local Government must provide more fields and space for youths,” he said in an interview yesterday.

Efforts must go beyond direct “fire-fighting” and the root cause of the social ill must be identified, he said.

He added that Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak’s Permata Negara programme to help reform Mat Rempit was innovative.

“I support the idea of the programme and hope that its effectiveness is monitored,” he said.

On Friday, Najib said the programme aimed at rehabilitating Mat Rempit and helping them improve their capacity by learning leadership skills, social interaction and self-empowerment would be better than sending them to jail for a minor offence.

Social psychologist Datuk Dr Chiam Heng Keng agreed that rehabilitation efforts for Mat Rempit would be better than punitive ones but for it to be effective, the programme had to meet their needs. “In principle, it is good but if the root cause of the problem is not identified, we will only be wasting taxpayers’ money,” she said.

Long-term preventive measures that examine the family and society structures must also go hand-in-hand with the short term efforts, she added.

Now these cocksuckers think we all ought to ‘reform’ these illegal racers cum hooligans, instead of throwing them in prison. Makes my blood boil. Remember the kid who forgot to bring his identification card a few years ago? What did he get? He was thrown in a fucking jail for a few months. What did he do? He did nothing. Forgetting to bring something ain’t a crime. But these Mat Rempits on the other hand, have been known to commit larceny, arson, riot (pelting stones at police station), rape and even murder. And now the politicians want them to go scot free?? What the fuck!?

These hooligans chose to be an illegal racer by choice. They may be stupid, but they are not as innocent as many think they are. Some of them are husbands and even fathers. They should have been wise over their age and have been saying this very clearly – they liked the thrill and the rush of illegal racing. These people need nothing but to be sent a clear message – that illegal racing is a crime. Make it a serious crime at that. Just throw them in a fucking prison for a year or two, and you’ll see the person ‘reformed’.

I guess these politicians won’t take things seriously until some Mat Rempits do something to them or their family members. That time, they will be screaming blood but it will be too late then.

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September 16, 2009

technical knockout

I accidentally spilled a few drops of milk on the bed. My wife Emily jokingly reprimanded me in front of my 3 year old daughter Regine – that if the stain were to attract ants to the bed, she would make me sleep on the stain with the ants. This got Regine pretty animated and asked my wife to let me sleep on the stain right away (without waiting for the ants to come).

I decided to pull her legs

Me : “I’d love to sleep on the bed by myself… it makes my back feel better…”

I’ve been having a bad back lately

Regine : “Are you sure?”

Me : “Oh, yes. Definitely.”

Regine : “You like dirty things?”

She was referring to the milk stain. She must have found it strange that I liked the idea of sleeping on the stain.

Me : “What? No. I said I like to sleep on the bed by myself.”

With a look of utter disgust, my daughter then said this to me…

Regine : “You are a naughty man.”

I think she wanted to use the adjective ‘gross’ or ‘disgusting’, but she conveniently substituted it as ‘naughty’ instead. And before I could come up with a retort, she added in another adjective to illustrate her contempt of me further…

Regine : “You are a naughty, fat, man.”

That was like, another kick in the crotch after getting a finishing blow. Emily was laughing like a jackass when I was reeling in from the shock. The things a kid could say nowadays… sheesh.

In case you couldn’t tell the language of a child, the word ‘fat’ in their dictionary means, something as bad as being a total douche bag. It is by no means an allusion that the person the child is referring to – is physically doughy or has an out-of-scale BMI. Or fat. No I’m not. (she must have mistaken the six packs as ‘fat’. Or my massive pecs). Leave me alone.

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September 14, 2009


My buddies and I were having a few drinks inside a pub. A waitress took notice of us and plodded over to ask one of my friends, Henry, if he would mind a ‘pretty girl’ joining him for a drink. Henry got real confused, and conveniently flagged her away towards another friend of mine – Ricky.

So this waitress went over towards Ricky and asked the same thing – if he would like a ‘pretty girl’ to join him for a drink (she probably didn’t think of asking me because I am not handsome enough). I don’t know how Ricky responded, but I guess it must be something positive because I could see the waitress caper happily away after speaking to him. That was when I asked Ricky what’s going on and found out about the whole thing. Then the 3 of us looked on, to check out the ‘pretty girl’ who wanted to join us for a drink.

It was like a slow motion scene, watching the waitress bring the ‘pretty girl’ the ‘good news’ (thanks to Ricky). The waitress then reached a table not far from ours, and began to whisper to the ear of a girl – whom we were positive was the ‘pretty girl’ the waitress wanted us to meet badly enough. So, was the girl really pretty? Well, if you’re a cross between a walrus and a blue whale – then yes, you might find her a somewhat considerable company. But because we were just humans, we couldn’t help but be petrified at the sight of that tragic creature.

Ricky was traumatized. Henry started to cuss like he has Tourette’s syndrome. And I turned to God and prayed hard for her not to come over because I would have clubbed her with a bar stool out of reflex (kidding, I probably would abandon the pub to avoid trauma). The bipedal walrus-whale hybrid was skeptically puffing her cigarette like a total skank (blowing smoke upwards) when the waitress excitedly relayed the message to her. But thank god, the ‘pretty girl’ didn’t choose to come over. She must be savvy enough to have read our body language and understood that the kind of affection we potentially had for her, were of compassion towards an endangered animal, nothing more. *phew*

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