1st Level Analysis Report (MichaelOoi.net Inc)

Subject model
- a fair skinned lass with straight hair
- well built
- slightly protruding 2 upper incisors
- 5 ft 2 to 5 ft 4
- mid 20′s.

Problem statement
‘Jackie Chan syndrome’ on a female subject could reverse any delectable appeal (if exist) of that person and cause occupational hazard.

Team members
MichaelOoi (Investigations, Chief Gynaecologist & Report)

Observation
- Subject was a relatively young and well built female of Chinese descent.
- Eyes moderately sized. Hair was straight. No piercing / artificial modification visible.
- Gravity test yielded marginal pass – moderate sized mammary glands.
- Subject was wearing a tight fitting denim pants, accentuating the derriere region.
- Subject appears to be affected with ‘Jackie Chan syndrome’.
- No other anomaly observed.

Analysis & Risk assessment
- ‘Jackie Chan syndrome’ (JCS) – a condition where the inner thigh on both legs of a human subject do not come in contact with one another, resulting a noticeable ‘gap’ in between the legs. The symptom could be due to deformed bone structure, the lack of muscle/fat tissue on both inner thighs or abnormally large vagina.
- Deformation of bone structure could be due to an underlying bone disease, or a prolonged period of subjecting to unnatural postures such as riding a giant horse, a giant bike or a giant tree trunk (or any phallic shaped structure).
- Lack of muscle/fat tissue on both the inner thighs is usually attributed to malnutrition.
- Abnormally large vagina could be due to mutation from an underlying genetic disease, or a prolonged exposure of vagina to radioactive rays from a radioactive material.
- The size of gap is inversely proportional with the attractiveness rating of a subject – the bigger the gap, the less attractive the person is. Side effects to gawker include (but not limited to) – difficulty in breathing, asthmatic attack, insomnia, nausea, temporary blindness and for some terminal cases, permanent brain damage.

Corrective Action(s)
a) Wear long skirts to veil the symptom.
Upside: Immediate/quick solution. Natural outlook.
Downside: Not permanent. Not chic. Exposure to fleas from ground.

b) Silicone/saline bag implants to fill up the gap.
Upside: Permanent solution.
Downside: Expensive. Risk of infection. Unnatural outlook.

c) Amputation of both legs.
Upside: Permanent solution. Disability benefits. 50% reduction of cuticles.
Downside: Expensive. Immobility. Height reduction.

End of report.