Archive for August, 2009

August 25, 2009

cunt in black

I don’t understand why some people can be such a snob, just because they’re wearing something they perceive as ‘more superior’.

Last weekend, my wife and I brought Regine to her new nursery to get her familiarized with her surroundings and met one of such people. It was a lady in her late 20’s, a parent of another child in the nursery. Because we obviously weren’t there to attend a formal function, we were wearing something comfortable – flip flops, T-shirts and bermuda shorts. But this lady, who was there to pick up her child, was wearing something out of this world.

She had this glossy sleeveless black top with v-shaped revealing collar, a pair of glossy black hot pants and a pair of glossy long black boots. You see, one thing about female long black boots – you’ve got to have the required aesthetic quality to be able to look good in them. You have to be tall enough, have a proportionately curvy body line and most importantly, have a pair of nice long legs. It is not something just anyone can wear. But this lady, not only she lacked in height, but her legs were like something that came out of a thousand year crypt in the Valley of the Kings. Skinny fuck bow legs. And what more, she looked like a tranny. Heavy makeup, with powder thick enough to be used to deep fry an adult grizzly bear. I wouldn’t touch her with a 100 feet pole.

Also note that her theme that day was being ‘glossy and black’. Except her hair. Which was dyed slightly dark shit brown. Of course, being that overdressed, she knew she would attract a lot of attention from around (if that isn’t the primary reason, what is?). For me, it was totally the negative type of attention. I couldn’t help but wonder why the fuck would someone dress up like a fake dominatrix in the middle of the day, picking up her child in a nursery? What should I tell my 3 year old daughter if she were to ask ‘what’s that daddy’? I don’t even know how to say ‘prostitute’ in a child-friendly language. A mama chicken? (but where are her feathers daddy?). LOL.

Anyway, what pisses me off about this bitch is, she was giving Emily and I this disdainful look (that was before I even judged her fucking revolting sense of fashion). Like we’re of lower class rustic people from the hills. We could tell from the way she looked at us. So I thought, she must be the mistress of some really rich and powerful loanshark, and she must have plenty of money to be able to act like a total bitch like that. I was expecting her to drive at least a convertible or an expensive coupe. But then, she was just driving a rickety old Proton junk (as we found out when we were leaving). So, what the fuck was that all about?

It’s about fucked up attitude, people. She has the illusion of being better than everyone else because she’s wearing a pair of fucking boots. Cunts like her deserves a kick in her crotch, have her head pile drived into a toilet bowl and given a swirlie.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 11 Comments
August 21, 2009

lost my shit

Today, I lost my shit and yelled at my daughter’s nursery principal through the phone.

It all started with the decision to stop my daughter from attending that nursery. I was trying to get back the extra 1 month deposit which I had with them, but was denied the payment on the ground that I did not give them an ‘ample ONE MONTH NOTICE’ (yeah, as if they’re running a Fortune 500 company).

But that was not in the agreement when I first enrolled Regine into that nursery a few years ago. The principal then added further that this has all along been their practice, and she needed the ‘ample ONE MONTH NOTICE’ to pay her staffs – which I thought was the most retarded excuse ever. I thought – I fucking paid an extra month as a collateral, and what has that got to do with her not being able to pay her staff? And why the fuck is that my problem now?? So I protested and gave her a piece of my mind (done in a diplomatic way of course). She eventually folded and agreed to pay me back HALF of the deposit – which I was content enough to accept (don’t ask).

That was 1 week ago. I was supposed to pick up the check today, but the principal called Emily in the afternoon and asked for the original receipt to be able to redeem our deposit. When Emily told her we lost the receipt, the principal bluntly said that our deposit will be forfeited because she needed it as a proof that we indeed paid a deposit. When Emily relaid the news to me, I lost my shit. One, because that cocksucking bitch hadn’t got the cheek to call me about this. Two, she was not sporting enough to fulfill the agreement. She acknowledged before that I had indeed paid for the deposit (it was compulsory anyway). She even admitted that she had a copy of the receipt. But she’s not giving my money back because I lost my receipt. She was obviously trying to fleece me off.

That was why I had to call the principal to straighten things up. I ditched all the formality and started to bark at her non-stop as the bitch picked up the phone. I forgot what I actually said because I was half zoned out when I was lashing at her… but from the way she stammered and countered with incomplete senseless remarks? I reckon it must be something close enough to be regarded as the darkest day of her post menopausal life. She should have seen that coming before she messes up with the biological father of the Little Samseng

I finally got my check alright. That’s why I said ‘it is nice and rewarding to be nasty sometimes’. The principal was conveniently missing when I was there to collect the check (she got one of her staffs to pass it to me). Probably was afraid that I’m gonna jam the nursery plastic slide up her ass so high that she sees her own shit sliding out from her mouth. And oh, the amount was short of 15 bucks. Fucking cheap skate cunt.

michaelooi  | experiences  | 11 Comments
August 20, 2009

the best looking guy in Barisan Nasional

It is said that the girls are swooning over this National Front fielded ‘handsome’ man… check out this funny article in TheStar below…

Barisan man looking good – to the women
BUKIT MERTAJAM: Barisan Nasional’s Rohaizat Othman is looking good before the Permatang Pasir by-election. At least, some women think so.

The by-election is the third in the Permatang Pauh parliamentary constituency since last year’s general election and some villages think Rohaizat is the best-looking candidate so far.

Tanah Liat villager Salmah Ismail, 53, who will be voting for the third time since the general election, said Rohaizat was kacak (handsome).

“I have seen many politicians but he is among the more handsome ones — boleh jadi pelakon (he can be an actor). He is also very friendly,” said the masseuse.

Another villager, Maznah Said, 65 said she had known Rohaizat since he was a child.

“He grew up well and looks pleasant. He was a good kid. I know his family too,” she said.

Penang Puteri Umno deputy chairman Idamoerni Zakaria said Rohaizat’s good looks had not gone unnoticed.

“When our Puteri members go around campaigning, the female voters comment on his youth and looks. They say he is handsome and dynamic,” she added.

Khairul Niza Abd Razak, 38, Rohaizat’s wife, said the family tried to maintain their daily routine so their only child, Aiman Hidayat, nine, would not be affected.

“Of course Rohaizat is busier now with the campaigning but he tries his best to make it back for dinner. Every morning, he will help Aiman to get ready for school,” she said.

Speaking to reporters later, Rohaizat said voter feedback has been good so far.

I was like, expecting the guy to look like some Hindustan hunk or something, you know, like the young Amitabh Bachan… but then, I was shocked when I saw the actual photo of this ‘Rohaizat Othman’…

I don’t know what to say, man. ‘Best looking candidate’ so far. That’s totally not I would describe of this guy. (in case you couldn’t tell – no, he does not look anything like Amitabh Bachan alive/run-over-by-a-truck-dead). ‘Fit to be an actor’ – Only if he were to play a zombie (without the need of makeups)… otherwise, no I don’t think so. The guy looks like a Gremlin monster dipped in shit sauce.

I mean, if those people are really serious about the comment (that he’s handsome), either that implies that the whole National Front party must be full of shit ugly people, or these people who pimped him in front of the media must be marginally blind or retarded…

Or it could be that the comments were sarcastic in nature, and not to be taken literally – which makes more sense to me. (if he’s really good, he does not need to look like Amitabh Bachan to win votes. duh.)

michaelooi  | snippets  | 13 Comments
August 19, 2009

non value added

One of the shittiest thing about working in a large corporate is the amount of bureaucracy one has to put up with. If you do not know what’s a ‘bureaucracy’, well, it’s a word to describe the need to do a whole fucking lot for the simplest of things.

Take for example, in order for me to mail an item out from the company, I’ll have to fill some fine details in a complex electronic form, which calls for a string of approvals from a bunch of douche bags who don’t give a flying fuck about what I wanted to mail (In the real world, I’d just need to fill in an address, pay the fuck up and bail). And the form itself is so complex, that it is comparable to the chore of filling out an application to obtain a working permit in Pentagon. Complex stuff that involves filling out hieroglyphics grade codes.

More often than not, I find myself at lost when it comes to assigning the proper codes for the form (if not the tardy approval from the afore said douche bags). The codes, understood by only a few in the whole corporate, is not something general like filling out your IC number or your mailing address, but is a comprehensive list that is cross referenced with hundreds of possible locations that one needs to mail to. Yes, that’s right – one code, one location. You can imagine how stupid this is.

That’s why I had to email some people asking about the codes yesterday. The question’s easy – what code should I put if I wanted to mail something to location XXX? It has been 2 days now. My mail has been forwarded to at least 6 different people (who are suppose to be the motherfuckers governing the fucking stupid form and wanting us to fill in the right codes). The problem now is? None of them seems to know either (which code should I use). Fucking redundant shit.

michaelooi  | work shit  | Comments Off
August 17, 2009

my guest’s psychotic kid

As some of you have learned from my Facebook update, I had an SOS moment on Saturday – when I got a guest (a housewife) who paid an unplanned visit with her 4 year old daughter for A FEW HOURS. I almost died there because my ritual of relaxation during the weekend was severely interrupted. It wasn’t so much on that guest being unpleasant herself… but it was her psychotic daughter who actually gave me the biggest concussion. Why? Here are the reasons why.

That kid likes to scream.
She’d scream spontaneously at irregular intervals. When she feels like doing it, she’d just scream at her seemingly helpless mom. It was as if her eyes are intermittently hardwired directly to her vocal cords bypassing the brain. She sees something, the vocal cords are going to activate right away depending on the intermittent connection. You can imagine her working like a faulty motion sensor directly hooked to a loudspeaker alarm.

That kid likes to drum.
The most unfortunate thing was, there happened to be a drum in Regine’s toy box that day and that kid went apeshit with that thing. It was a din of madness drumming (and screaming) in my apartment for a few hours there. And you can imagine how both Emily and I felt when we saw the mom sitting right there not doing anything to calm her rampaging monster kid down, but would instead, act impressed like she had just discovered a hidden talent in her daughter that she had never seen before…

That kid likes to jump
For some weird reasons, the kid also likes to fucking jump. She’d jump/stomp all over my apartment and on my couch (along with the batshit screaming and drumming). If you’re a parent, let me tell you this one universal fact – NO ONE LIKES TO SEE THEIR COUCH GETTING JUMPED AT. If your kid jumps on your neighbor’s couch/sofa and your neighbor is smiling, he is most likely faking that smile and probably is cursing at you or your kid from inside. God I fucking hate kids who jump on my couch. Makes me feel homicidal.

That kid likes to cry
I understand that kids cry, being a parent myself. But trust me, this kid is like one of a kind when it comes to crying. It was like directly connected to the Earth’s rotating motion around the sun, the urge to cry comes at every hour for her (on top of the screaming, drumming and jumping around like a lunatic). I knew that because they spent a total of THREE fucking hours at my place and she must have cried like, four fucking times. So I suspected that not only her eyes are connected to her vocal cords but her fucking tear ducts as well (probably even celestially connected to the placement of the moon/asteroid belt as well). If she sees something that excites her (or when the sun belches a solar flare), her vocal cords are gonna trigger the screaming, and have the tear ducts activated simultaneously. I bet that if her future husband were to insert his dick into her mouth at the right time of the day, his cum’s gonna ooze out from her eyes while she screams like a banshee who gets impaled with a cattle prod.

Hell, short of puking green slime and looking a bit paler, she would have totally looked like a possessed person to me… and that would have made it excusable to toss that little demonic shit out from my balcony. But unfortunately, that wasn’t the case and I had to contend with all that bullshit by faking calm because apparently, on this planet, it is considered very unconventionally rude to scream at somebody else’s kid, even though the kid is the type that needed serious tranquilizing. Fuck.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 13 Comments