The first time (and only time) I got mugged was when I was 14 years old at a mall (it was at KOMTAR, if you need to know). I was with 3 of my friends, and we were heading towards the bus station from the arcade center, when a Chinese guy in his mid twenties pounced on us and started screaming in Hokkien,
“Kanneh mah eh cheeebye lu lang!!”
(“Fuck all of your mothers’ cunts!!”)
The guy who did the shouting had a set of buckteeth, and he looked like someone directly descended from the apes, bypassing the evolution process. You know… protruding eye sockets, untidy clothes, greasy hair, unusually dark in complexion. With him, was a nerdy guy who looked a little bit younger, but both of them were definitely bigger than 4 of us skinny fucks.
“Lu lang pak lim beh eh sio tee si boh???”
(“Aren’t you guys the ones who assaulted my brother???”) *or something like that…
The 4 of us were needless to say, terrified and stunned. We had no idea what the fuck the guy was talking about and what was about to happen. Both of the thugs then threatened to have all of us killed unless we follow them to ‘clarify the matter’. Then Buckteeth guy proceeded to headlock one of my friends out of the area, and Nerdy guy herded the remaining of us to follow them.
We eventually reached an alley not far from the mall, and that was only when we realized that all the drama was just a trick to get us away from the public and into the alley to get mugged. I don’t remember seeing any of them using a knife or anything dangerous, but for some strange reasons, none of us thought of fighting back or to run off. So we kind of foolishly stayed and complied with everything they wanted – our valuables. (thankfully, they weren’t into screwing bungholes…)
Buckteeth was quick to take charge, and set to work on 2 of my friends and at the same time, instructed Nerdy to handle my friend William and I. Completely out of sight with each other, they worked concurrently to cut the time short. I could hear Buckteeth screaming at the top of his lungs to instill fear at the other side of the alley, but Nerdy was a little bit calm with his request… he politely asked that I hand out my wallet without raising his voice. After some rummaging, he found a 5 ringgit bill and asked me,
“Goh koh?”
(“Five bucks?”)
Yeah, I only had 5 bucks in my wallet. With a disappointed look, he turned to my friend William and made the same request. 50 cents – that was all he found. That was when he exclaimed,
“Hamilanchiau?? Goh puat??”
(“WTF?? 50 cents??”)
Apparently, my friend William had used up all his money in the arcade center, and saved just enough to take a bus home. That’s why he only had 50 cents in his wallet. Not knowing what to do, Nerdy turned away in what seemed to be an attempt to consult Buckteeth on what to do with us, but Buckteeth was too busy shouting and yelling at my friends. So Nerdy turned to give us back our money (yeah, my 5 bucks and William’s 50 cents) and asked William in utter disbelief – ‘what the fuck are you doing in a mall with fifty cents??’ – and the 3 of us then laughed like jackasses. Because the mugging plan kind of foiled on both William and I, Nerdy decided to settle for a casual chat (eg ‘you guys still schooling or something?’) and told a few jokes while waiting for Buckteeth to complete his mugging…
We chatted for about a couple of minutes before it was all over. Both William and I didn’t lose anything from the incident, but the other 2 of my friends lost a couple hundred bucks plus a gold chain to Buckteeth. And as if the afternoon was not bizarre enough for both William and I, Nerdy thug actually gave William a 1 ringgit note from his own pocket before bolting off and asked him to bring more money to the mall the next time, and bade us a farewell.
Penang is definately Gangland. I remember those days there will be punks in school collecting protection $$$. Those usually says they are 4 wheels gangs dunno WTF gang etc etc.
Penang is nothing compared to Johor lar dude…
In the end William’s fifty cents become one ringgit and fifty cents. Cool….
WTF you guys ripped off that poor thug who will probably get a lashing from Buckteeth later on….
LOL@william’s goh puat part. *hands down* to your friend. :p
Waa waa. Last time my friends (5 or 6 of ‘em) were mugged in KL, same tactics (“Aren’t you guys the one who beat up my brother last night?” “Let’s settle this in a kopitiam.”) then got taken all handphones and hundreds of RM (they were in KL to shop).
Funnily enough, the muggers gave them back their SIM cards & RM30 each to take the bus back from KL to Melaka…
Bad story. Nerdy won’t give you money. He’ll be too embarrassed to do that… plus he has to answer to Buckteeth later on. Instead, if Nerdy can actually get something from you two, it’ll be somewhat confiscated by Buckteeth. And then Buckteeth will combine the mug money and part some for Nerdy. Though Buckteeth himself always gets more.
And I think Buckteeth should really be replaced by a real good looking thug. Nerdy can remain nerdy, or buckteeth. Anyone can fit the position of Nerdy. ^_^v
I had the same experience as you when I was a skinny 14 years old. It happened to me when I was with my other 2 friends walking around a mall in Seremban. We were pounced by 2 scruffy looking chinese ah bengs and I was shouted at some hokkien language that I couldn’t really understand at that time. I only remembered the taller one asking for our wallets but I refused and was slapped by him in the mall! My 2 other friends can only watch in fright #@$^^&%$!!! Shocked by the slap I reacted by pushing him back and he shouted back that he will get more help from his ‘brothers’ to come and fix us up. Terrified we asked for help from the security guards in the mall and guess what did they do? They ask us to go home??!! WTH???
Naturally we didn’t wait for the ah bengs to come back we ran to the bus station to catch the next bus back to Kajang…cheek was hurting but at least I didn’t lose my few hundred ringgit hehe! Ahhh I guess we all have to go through this experience as kids eh? A good post nonetheless your story is much funnier keep up the good work!
Suding – Most impressive display of math skill there…
Arkane – Hahah, I have never thought of it that way
evil_gal – Yeah, it was just enough for him to take a bus home.
sweewon – Well, at least they weren’t hurt in the process… unlike the kind of violence we see nowadays in the papers of people getting killed etc over a couple of bucks.
SPF88 – You must be loco. This isn’t a story. This is something that actually happened to me and my friends many years ago… (if only you can read)
timo – I actually kind of bumped into Buckteeth again in the arcade a few months later. We had a short chat and even played a round of Street Fighter together (a couple of my friends actually castigated me for being friendly to him, I can remember…). Last I heard about him was about a year after the incident – that he was thrown into prison for attempted robbery or something…
Well, history books are made up of stories. Duh!
good post bro.. had a good laugh reading it..
and wtf is that mofo SPF88 trying to say
SPF88 – You on drugs is it? This is NOT FROM A BOOK lar. This is something I encountered. Lay off the drugs!
Pookyma – If you kena someday, you won’t be laughing ler…
Hahahaha get mugged also can make money wan, keng!
see, back in those days, even muggers have some sort of “sympathy” by giving one ringgit to your friend.
not so bitter kua…
I’m not on drugs. I don’t even smoke lar…
I’ve been here for seven months, and have never stepped foot in KOMTAR. I hear there’s nothing much, but what the hell la.. might as well ave a look
feizal – KOMTAR used to be the most happening place back in the 80′s and 90′s (back when there weren’t that much malls around). Now, the place has become a meeting place for Indonesians and Banglas…
I was mugged before using the same approach once. They guy took a dollar from me. Back then, fifty cents can get you a bowl of noodle and another 20 cents for coffee.
Second time, I was helping Dad delivered some goods, near Jelutong /Perak lane squatter areas. Caught up with some ah bengs on motorcycle. I used to be riding a mini-bike, those sissy small wheel bicycle. But you would not believe it, due to the smaller size of front wheel, I out maneuvered the ah beng on a motorcycle, due to a sharp turn, I could hear him shouting “your mother #@!#$” after he nearly fell from a suzuki 2 strokes.
He tailed me after seeing me drop off the goods with some cash. I was using some very familiar road around squatter areas.
-woody
Hamilanciao, Goh Puuaaaat?!!!