April 20, 2009

ISO 9000 2

It has been some time since I wrote anything dirty. With too much time at hands, I wrote another ISO procedure today. See if you guys can comprehend the whole thing.

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1.0 Purpose and Scope
1.1 This document defines the basic spontaneous fellatio between 2 individuals.
1.2 This procedure is only applicable to humans.

2.0 Reference
2.1 The human penis [Wikipedia]
2.2 The human mouth [Wikipedia]

3.0 Definition
3.1 Fellatio – The act of stimulating a penis to orgasm with the mouth.
3.2 Penis – A rod-like sex organ of a male gender. Usually flaccid but will erect and harden like a rock when excited/provoked
3.3 Mouth – A cavity located at the head with a primary function of receiving food, secondary function of communication, and tertiary function of stimulating a penis to orgasm.
3.4 Blower – The party providing the oral stimulation (fellatio) with the mouth.

4.0 Responsibilities
4.1 The male is responsible to
   4.1.1 get consent from the prospective blower before revealing his penis.
   4.1.2 provide the use of his penis for the fellatio process.
4.2 The male is NOT responsible for any potential gagging reflex that resulted from the fellatio.
4.2 The blower is responsible to provide the use of his/her mouth for the fellatio process, and undertakes any risks that resulted from the act.

5.0 Procedure
5.1 The male subject or the blower shall begin the process by removing all layers of clothing article covering the male penis.
5.2 The blower shall arouse the male penis to erection through following acts (if already erected, skip to 5.3):
   5.2.1 Stroking the nutsack gently.
   5.2.2 Stroking the penis gently between the glans and the shaft. (refer 2.1)
   5.2.3 Abrade the penis with all consented means possible.
5.3 Hygiene
   5.3.1 If hygiene is not intended, skip to 5.4
   5.3.2 Unwrap a pack of condom, and sheath penis into it.
   5.3.3 Or alternatively, the male can request the blower to help him wear the condom orally
   5.3.3 The whole process should be executed in less than 3 seconds, else start back at 5.2.
5.4 The blower shall insert the erected male penis into the mouth, and stimulate it repeatedly.
5.5 Stimulation shall include (but not limited to)
   5.5.1 Rubbing around the penis head with tongue
   5.5.2 Rubbing the blower’s teeth with the penis
   5.5.3 Controlled chewing of the penis head
   5.5.4 Sucking of the penis
   5.5.5 Sucking of the penis and massage nutsack with hand(s)
   5.5.6 Wrenching the penis simultaneously with mouth and hand(s)
   5.5.7 Sandwiching and stroking penis with breasts
   5.5.8 Foot fetish – Stroking the penis with toes
5.6 Advanced stimulation techniques
   5.6.1 If advanced techniques is not required, skip to 5.7
   5.6.2 Deep throat – inserting the penis deep into the oral cavity to touch the throat, causing a gag reflex.
   5.6.3 Turkey Slap – have the penis swat on blower’s face repeatedly.
   5.6.4 Tea Bag – blower positioned upside down during fellatio, and male’s nutsack pressing against blower’s face.
5.7 The blower shall continue to stimulate the penis until the male exhibits any of the following redflag indicator,
   5.7.1 Spasmodic twitching at the hips of the penis owner
   5.7.2 The penis owner starts to moan
5.8 Upon the identifying the redflag indicator, the blower can choose to
   5.8.1 Continue the fellatio until the penis ejaculates in the mouth, with the options to
      5.8.1.1 Spit out the semen
      5.8.1.2 Ingest the semen to reap any possible nutritional benefits
   5.8.2 Stop the fellatio but continue to stimulate penis with hands until penis ejaculates externally
   5.8.3 Stop the fellatio until penis becomes flaccid again and restart process at 5.2.
   5.8.4 Dot The Eyes – Blower to position penis pointing at his/her face, and stroke until ejaculation occurs.
5.9 Mouth / penis shall be washed.

6.0 Forms & Checklists
NIL

7.0 Records / Data retention
Not recommended

*****

Additional suggestions are welcomed.

Update:
Added 5.8.4 (Arkane)
Deleted 5.5.3 (ST)
Added 5.5.5 – 5.5.8 (chichicha)

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 

11 Comments to “ISO 9000 2”

  1. sam says:

    kaka…damn good

  2. ShaolinTiger says:

    Not so sure about “Controlled chewing of the penis head” – I motion to change this control.

  3. michaelooi says:

    ST – LOL, bad experience?

  4. Arkane says:

    Addendum:

    3.3 Mouth – A cavity located at the head with a primary function of receiving food, secondary function of communication, and tertiary function of stimulating a penis to orgasm (only applicable for females).
    5.2.2.1 Lubricate the penis with generous amounts of oral fluids.

    5.8.1.3 Ejaculate on adjecent facial regions sorrounding the mouth with the purpose of nourishing the complexion

  5. Em. says:

    7.0 Records / Data retention
    Not recommended –> LOL! hahaha!

  6. michaelooi says:

    arkane – 3.3, only applicable to females? Do you even know what the homos are doing to each other? ahaks. 5.2.2.1, lubrication not really required to provoke an erection lah dude… 5.8.1.3, that’s called ‘Dot The Eyes’, I initially planned to add that in, but thought that might offend some people (I’ll add it in anyway, thanks)

    Em. – In view of the recent spate of online sex scandals, it is best to keep clean bebeh

  7. sweewon says:

    Forms & Checklists – no need medical report first ar? Dangerous wey.

  8. vincent says:

    I thought ‘Dotting the i’ was precisely that: dotting the eyes – aiming two shots, one in each eye, for no other reason except that its quite fucked up because it stings real bad.

    And also because taking aim isn’t easy.

  9. michaelooi says:

    sweewon – Don’t you know? Blowjob’s the safest shit there is.

    vincent – How do you know it stings lah? o_O”

  10. chichicha says:

    5.5.5 While stroking penis with mouth, hold your palm below the balls and massage gently.
    5.5.6 Moderately wrenching penis shaft with palm, mouth and palm MUST moves in opposite direction.

    5.6.5 female blower press her boobs tightly and stroke the penis. Only applicable to female blower with boobs size 36 and above.
    5.6.6 blower laying down and use toes only to stroke the penis.

  11. michaelooi says:

    Hahhah this is getting kinky. I will add in the suggestions

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