Archive for April, 2009

April 29, 2009

sharon stone gives me vertigo

Check out the title above. Now ask yourself, how many years have you guys NOT SEEN Sharon Stone? (for those of you born in/after the 80’s, Sharon Stone used to be the definition of ‘hot’ in Hollywood, like what Megan Fox is to you people now…)

Want to know how she looks now? You’ll be surprised. (Click ‘Read the rest of this entry’ below to find out)

Read the rest of this entry »

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 5 Comments

the lion crap

My 3 year old has been watching ‘The Lion King’ for almost everyday for the past 2 weeks. On and off, she’d roar in her best impression of a mean lion and grimace at anyone she sees, or she’d walk around on all four like a lion. We’re fast becoming used to the idea that we’ve given birth to a giant carnivorous cat, until one day…

Regine : *ROARRRRRR*

Emily : [pretends to be scared] “Oooh mommy is so scared! Please don’t bite me!”

Regine : “Mommy, come.”

Emily : [goes over] “What is it?”

Regine : “Come lick my backside.”

Emily : [shocked shitless] “Why do you want me to lick your backside??”

My daughter then told Emily that she saw Simba’s girlfriend did that to him in one of the scenes (Simba = the protagonist lion in the flick). Emily later verified that fact (in disbelief) from the video and indeed, there was a scene where Nala preened Simba’s ass as a gesture of intimacy (or something like that). You know, kids see kids follow… and now she wants my wife to lick her bunghole, because lions do that… and lions are cool animals.

But how do you explain that to a child? That animals preen each other when they have nothing to do? She’d always see it as licking, no matter how hard you explain. So now, my wife’s trying her best to veer my daughter’s interest off this stupid Lion King crap and get her to watch something else instead…

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 8 Comments
April 27, 2009

who said it’s going to be easy?

Remember the technician who got his degree and wanted an overnight boost of career? Well, he got into trouble again (for the 5th time in a week). The manager screamed at his ass today for being a stupid jerk, and because he made me look really bad (being his lead) this time, I felt that it was time that he and I have a talk. So I summoned him up, and dispensed following advices to him – thought that this might benefit some of you clueless sotong out there, so I feel compelled to share this with all of you here. Feel free to disagree… I don’t really care… :

1) Learn how to adapt.
There’s a famous saying in Hokkien that describes this very well – ‘chiak keh, uar keh‘. It translates to, if you want eat a chicken, you must first get near to the chicken. Doesn’t make much sense literally but, every one of us Chinese knows this term. It means, to adapt well in all circumstances to stay alive. You go to India, you eat Indian food. You go to China, you eat Chinese food. You go to Mexico, you screw Latinos and eat jalapenos. Similarly, in the working world, you must be prepared to work for your boss and harmonize with him if you want a growth in your career. Even if he’s an asshole.
- I dispensed this advice to the doofus technician because he refused an instruction by the new boss. His excuse – because the previous boss ‘said no need’. That’s a big fucking mistake there.

2) A man’s character is judged when he is in deep shit, not when he is all well.
When you have a problem, you get the chance to solve it and show the world what you’re capable of. When you don’t have problems, you’re going to sit around being as useful as a piece of shit. It’s only common sense to guess where your boss will look when it comes to judging you. Any idiot can sit around doing nothing. But not all people can solve a problem. So, if your boss gives you something difficult, depending on how you look at it, it can be a blessing in disguise.
- Doofus technician shouldn’t have said ‘no’ to the boss’ face. Even if it’s impossible. The lowest point you should make, is to let him know you tried your best. Not you ‘failed’ before you even try.

3) Engineers solve problems, not gripe.
We engineers fix stuff. All kinds of stuff. An engineer’s life is full of hurdles and obstacles. It’s not an easy job being an engineer, that’s why not every asshole can do it. That’s why it pays well (eerrrmm, not in my case). That’s why, if you want to be an engineer, you should at least know how to handle your own shit. You should never expect everything to be readily made for your convenience and your ass being spoonfed at every available opportunity. That’s a kid’s job, not an engineer’s. If you can’t take this, then be something else. A parking attendant or whatever.
- Doofus technician wants to be an engineer, but expects things to be easy. If it’s easy, it wouldn’t be an engineer’s job. I had to repeatedly remind him that.

4) You’re being paid to work, not to loaf.
Probably isn’t the first time I mentioned this – you’re paid to do your work. Not to shirk around doing nothing. Somehow, there are a lot of parasitic sloths who are naive enough to complain of not having enough hands / time to do so many things, while he/she could have surfed / smoked / shirked less and attend to their fucking job already.
- Doofus technician is a well known shirker. Nobody gave a fuck about him until he asked for a boost of career after obtaining his degree (power up). Now that he was given the chance, he didn’t make a good use of it.

You know, nowadays I keep finding myself dispensing advices at my workplace like an old man… but I don’t remember myself being THAT old yet. I’m only 32 for fuck’s sake, but I feel like 54. Is this an indication that the society is getting dumber or am I just abnormally precocious? I don’t fucking know man.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 13 Comments
April 24, 2009

nincompoop politician

Caught this in the news today.

Popular English idiom touches a nerve
The use of the popular idiom ‘Barking up the wrong tree’ touched a raw nerve with an Umno assemblyman who thought that the idiom referred to a person as an animal that barked.

Shabudin Yahaya (BN – Permatang Berangan) exchanged barbs with state executive councillor Phee Boon Poh, who had earlier used the term when explaining statistics on hardcore poor families to Jasmin Mohamad (BN — Sungai Dua).

“Barking denotes an animal. I disagree to you using this idiom when speaking to the Sungai Dua assemblyman,” said Shabudin while interjecting during Jasmin’s debate on the motion of thanks on the Yang di-Pertua Negri’s opening speech yesterday.

Phee retorted that Shabu- din, who is also state Isla- mic Religious Council chair- man, did not understand the idiom.

“You (Shabudin) are barking up the wrong tree with your accusations now.

“If you do not know the meaning of this idiom, how can you serve as a YB (elected representative)?” asked Phee.

Shabudin argued that Phee was the one who was barking in the hall.

Later, outside the hall, Phee told reporters that he did not think it was derogatory to use this idiom when speaking to someone, including a Muslim.

He stressed that the literal meaning of idioms should not be taken.

Man, I would have quoted a Malay idiom to counter this ‘yang blur’ Shabudin guy – “You ni paranoid macam kera kena belacan“, and then get amused big time if he smells himself and check under his own coat if there are any ticks… (which I think he definitely would)

What a disgrace.

michaelooi  | snippets  | 9 Comments
April 23, 2009

maids are not alright

I’m not sure if any of you have seen it but, I recently saw a very disturbing candid video of a maid abusing a small child. Man, it was one of the sickest shit I’ve ever seen in my life. Hell, it was even sicker than ANY of the “Saw” flicks (the file’s too big for me to post here).

The video first showed a maid (whom I think is an Indonesian) feeding a toddler, and then another girl of about 4 – 5 years old (whom I presume was the owner’s child) walking pass where the maid was. Then out of no reason at all, the maid gave the little girl a hard kick, and sent her flying a few feet off the opposite direction like a rag doll. Then the maid got up and started to whoop the kid’s ass so savagely, that it reminded me one of the scenes I saw of a rogue chimpanzee attacking a villager many years ago. It was both shocking and unbelievable. Then as if it was not bad enough, the maid LEAPED up on the kid (who was still writhing on the floor) and STOMPED HER. I’m not sure if the little girl survived the brutal beatings but, I reckoned that if she did, she could have at least suffered some broken bones. No shit.

Watching the video actually made me even more skeptical about the practice of having a domestic helper at home (though I have always thought hiring a maid is a big mistake). I cannot understand, how could anyone trust a stranger to take care of their home and what more, their own children? Suck this from another angle – these people are paying some stranger to become a full time surrogate parent to their children… How can this be right?

I know some people would claim that not all maids are like that. Well, of course not all of them are like that. Only a small percentage of them are psychotic. The rest, are either kleptomaniacs, or horny wenches that crave for garbage men dicks. You guys know that infamous Nirmala Bonat case? One of the shocking revelations was that she’s a mental and have the tendency to injure herself sometimes. God knows how many more unknown mental maids are out there working for someone (I hope this doesn’t explain why our KFC tastes funny sometimes…). I don’t want to speculate but fuck, I’m not taking any chances. It only takes ONE very unfortunate incident to make one regret for a lifetime… and that Abu Ghraib shit I mentioned up there is just a grim reminder of what COULD happen…

Let’s put it this way – maids are just treating the given responsibility as a job. They don’t fucking love your children. They’re only doing it for the money. So, be very wise… people. It is best to do everything ourselves, like how our grandmothers did it.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 9 Comments