Archive for March, 2009

March 12, 2009

ubah gaya hidup

What do the wives of our ministers do when they get too bored with their static ass? They go for ‘technical trips’ under the government budget, as in the case of a group of BALKIS housewives throughout 2007 (in the article below).

Now where exactly did those housewives go? Disneyland, people. I don’t know what’s the objective but, my best guess is, they were there to study Donald Duck’s seemingly out of place exhibitionist behavior and the absence of genitalia at its nether region. And they also went to Hong Kong… to study how those guys at Madame Tussaud’s make life replica of celebrities… and Korea, to study why Korean girls have fair tits.

All for the good of the Selangor people. Long live Toyol!
More info in the article below:

RM1.2 million expenses by Balkis members questioned
by Karen Arukesamy

SHAH ALAM (March 11, 2009) : Permodalan Negri Selangor Berhad (PNSB) records show the company spent RM1.2 million in travelling expenses for members of Wives of Selangor Assemblymen and MPs Welfare and Charity Organisation (Balkis) throughout 2007

“There was a ‘technical’ visit to Disneyland, Tokyo by the members of the Balkis. What kind of ‘technical’ visit is this?” asked Azmin Ali (PKR-Bukit Antarabangsa) during his debate on the Sultan’s address at the Selagor state legislative assembly today.

“This ‘technical’ visit did not end at Disneyland, because Mickey Mouse had ran away, so they had another two ‘technical’ visits — Hongkong and Korea,” said Azmin who called for an explanation of the visit and a report on the outcome, if it brought any benefit to the state.

“Maybe (they) want to bring Disneyland to Sg Panjang (former Mentri Besar Datuk Seri Dr Mohamed Khir Toyo’s constituency). I do not know; please explain,” he said, gesturing towards the opposition bench.

Deputy Speaker Aniza Talha remarked that they (opposition assemblymen) are not Balkis members, to which Azmin retorted: “They are not Balkis members but they sleep with Balkis (members).”

Azmin also revealed that Balkis had received a large contribution/allocation, supposedly for welfare, but according to the information received, it was used by the members for their clothing and accessories.

“We cannot allow such robbers to roam in Selangor anymore and they use institutions like the attorney general’s office, the police and Election Commission (EC) to continue threatening us,” he said.

Azmin also revealed how the tax payers’ money was misused by “irresponsible” officers in what is now called Selangor State Development Office (previously Unit Perancang Ekonomi Negri Selangor) which had held discussions on how to overthrow the present Pakatan Rakyat (PR) state administration and return power to the Barisan Nasional (BN).

He said on Feb 6, 2009, the first task on the list at the Jawatankuasa Kerja Tindakan Persekutuan Negri’s meeting discussed how BN could wrest the state back from PR at the next general election.
Second on the agenda was how to sustain the reign of the BN federal government.

“This proves how desperate the federal government is to bring down the PR government,” he said.

“People of Selangor pay tax for the development of the state and not for Umno and BN,” he added.

He also questioned the presence of members irrelevant to the development of the state like National Security Council (NSC) and the EC.

“What is the connection between NSC and EC and the state’s development?” he said.

“We have exposed many things yet all they can see are the ‘cows’. Why should we feel ashamed of meeting under the tree when they are not ashamed of robbing the people of their rights?” Azmin said.

Oh I definitely could use a technical field trip right now. I have always wanted to study the behavioral discrepancies amongst younger European females, especially those at Ibiza… Enhancing this knowledge I believe, will make it easier for me us to ‘ubah gaya hidup‘ in difficult times like this.

michaelooi  | snippets  | 4 Comments
March 10, 2009

lame asses

You know what I fucking hate most when I get online? Is to stumble into those blogs with audio tracks. I don’t know what do you people call it but, it is those that would automatically blast out some audio tracks the moment you enter the site.

I was blog hopping yesterday to check out some incoming links, you know, to see if I should reciprocate (I do that sometimes) – when I came across a couple of those sites. Cheebye. I had to immediately close them down to avoid having my eardrum ruptured and further brain damage. It was already annoying enough to have something loud blasted out from my headphone, but they had to come in a stupid weird song (that I would never touch in a thousand years kind of weird) combo…

No offense to you lame ass morons out there who actually own a blog with similar spontaneously firing audio tracks but, I think people like you should get a life. What is it that you’re hoping to achieve by nuking someone’s speaker with your stupid playlist? That it’ll paint an impression that you’re cool/cute/[insert desirable adjective]? That you’re goth and awesome? That someone might find you interesting? Let me break some bad news to you here — it’s not going to work. That’s because anyone who goes to your site will be too annoyed to even notice your pathetic existence.

Maybe here’s what you can do – kill yourself. Swallow an ashtray or get an overdose of enema or anything… nobody cares. Just die. Because there are better odds in hoping that there would be someone sick at the morgue that might take a liking to your corpse (in a sick way) to warrant a quickie, than hoping to score some impression with your stupid playlist.


michaelooi  | rantings  | 20 Comments
March 4, 2009

license to loaf

*This post is for the males only. If you’re a female, please, stop reading after this sentence… or there would be hairs growing all over your tits

How often do you hear your opposite half telling you this – “Hey you, haul your ass up from that couch and do the dishes, now!”

For some, occasionally, if not all the time. Unless you’re kooky, this is shouldn’t be something that you enjoy doing. It will not be long before your spouse realize that she could use your idling time for some really productive chores (just so that she could extend her shopping hours) and the next thing you know, you’d be the one doing the cooking… or even, asked to lactate to feed the fucking house cat. And you know you can’t just say “No, I’m not going to do the dishes.” That would be akin to lying flat on the railway track to stop an oncoming train. So what can you do?

Well, you can do what I did. I flipped out. You see, the key idea is to NOT do a good job when asked to do something not favorable to you. When your spouse realize how hopeless and unreliable you are, she’d be that less likely to ask you to do that same job again next time. And that was what happened to me (although it was somewhat unintentional on my case). Not only that I do not have to do the dishes now, I am sort of PROHIBITED from doing it. Sounds like a fairytale come true eh? But it’s for real. Here’s what happened:

I was asked to do the dishes as usual a couple days ago. I was all cool about it, albeit a bit grumpy, then I accidentally splashed some greasy water on my clean T-shirt.


My wife Emily came running into the kitchen to check on me

Emily : “What’s wrong?”

Me : “I spilled some greasy water on my clean T-shirt! FUCKKKKK!!”

Emily : “That’s because you turned the tap to full throttle, the strong torrent would cause some splash”

She was dead on right. Reason for me to turn the tap full was to finish the job faster, and also get a more thorough rinse.

Me : “That’s because this stupid Axion detergent is too fucking concentrated!! I had to literally blast it off the plate!! And now this!! GODDAMNNN!! ARGGHHH!! [bitch bitch bitch]”

Emily : “Alright, you calm down and let me do the dishes, ok?”

Me : “NO! Would you just leave me alone and let me finish this damn thing?? ARGGHH!”

I eventually finished the job, but not without plenty of cussing and swearing. When I walked out of the kitchen, I was looking like some hobo with a half drenched greasy T-shirt. It must be at that moment when Emily had that thought of how fucking hopeless I was and deemed myself to be mentally unfit to do the dishes. And that was it.

Fast forward to yesterday, when I offered to do the dishes again, she said “Oh no no no no, I’m not going to let you do the dishes again. Just get out and do whatever you want, let me do the dishes.” Today, I insisted to do the dishes, she took the trouble to hide some of them just so that I won’t get to do it that much. Mind blowingly awesome, isn’t it? The license to loaf.

If you guys have been having some trouble doing the dishes lately (or some other chores), maybe you can try it out. Do a half assed job, and be as hopeless as possible. If you must, you can even flip out like I did over some minor mistakes. You’ll never be asked to do that chore again. You’re welcome.

*I might lose that privilege after this post, but I’m all cool about it, knowing that this important knowledge may save some poor dude’s life out there.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 17 Comments
March 2, 2009

the sucking crime

I’m sure a lot of you have heard these 2 words before – ‘Penal Code’. But how many of you really know what a ‘Penal Code’ is? I’m not a lawyer but, I’m going to try my best to interpret these 2 words that ever so often appear in our local newspapers. Alright, according to Wikipedia, the ‘Penal Code’ is defined as :

…a portion of a state’s laws defining crimes and specifying the punishment. [source]

Quite self explanatory, eh? In another words, it is some sort of reference or list that defines all types of crimes and the punishment that goes with it. Cool. But what is a ‘crime’? You’d be a retard if you do not know what a ‘crime’ is. When someone breaks the law or does something illegal, that person is committing a crime. Now why is that? Wikipedia defined ‘criminalization’ as:

…a procedure intended as a pre-emptive, harm-reduction device, using the threat of punishment as a deterrent to those proposing to engage in the behavior causing harm. [source]

The key words are – pre-emptive / harm-reduction. I guess the ‘harm’ pretty much covers inanimate objects like buildings, properties and belongings. The whole idea is, to keep the society stable and in control. Very simple.

Alright, now that you guys roughly got it, can somebody help to explain already, WHY THE FUCK IS ORAL SEX CONSIDERED A CRIME IN OUR COUNTRY THEN?? Why does 2 humans of legal age, within a privately confined space and religiously permitting, consenting and giving oral sex pleasure to each other, is considered a crime?? What is the harm?? What is at stake here?? Or more important, what’s the rationale behind the criminalization?? What about jacking off? And tit fuck?? Are they illegal too??

This is in reference to the recent sex scandal that involved a prominent political figure, in which he had a video secretly taken by someone of him allegedly getting a blow job from a female partner [source].

It is very clear in this case that the political figure here is the victim. He’s just someone who was out to have some fun that night and had no absolute intention to commit a harmful crime that could destabilize the society (albeit his infidelity kind of regressed the whole idea of being innocent, but that’s an entirely different matter). But out of some weird twist of fate, he ended up being investigated by the police ‘under Section 377A of the Penal Code for carnal intercourse against the order of nature’ and will probably get prosecuted for that ‘crime’. Man, what a drag it must be for that politician – to have his shit ruined over and over again – all because of a night’s romp, and because someone is dull enough to make oral sex a crime in this country… Oh we did make more awesome headlines this time…

(in case you haven’t checked out the article I wrote about how to prevent yourself from getting entangled into fuck ups like this – this would be a good time for you to do so… )

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 3 Comments