March 31, 2009

things that I do not get

Things that I do not get about girls…

Why:

1) …do girls like to speak softly to feign nicety?
I’m sure a lot of you have encountered this before. Some girl you meet at a function who speaks like a mosquito trying to buzz you a message from across a big room, and you have to repeatedly ask for pardon like an idiot. Man, why do them girls like to assume that speaking at a much reduced volume would paint an impression that they’re polite? The sad thing is, many of these girls don’t even speak like that to those they know well (retarded friends, parents, siblings). What’s wrong with being able to speak up with confidence, with a clear and crisp voice?

2) … do girls like to pout their lips in pictures?
You and I have seen it. Pouting lips is synonymous with the act of camwhoring nowadays. You see a series of camwhoring pictures, you’re bound to see someone pouting their lips. Some would even go to the extend of poking their cheeks with their index. I don’t know what is that suppose to do. Make them look cute? Fuck. If you’re cute, you’re cute. Pouting or poking your fucking cheeks won’t make an ugly person any cuter. I’ve seen scores of tragic looking specimen did that before, but the only effect they ever gave me was a massive cockblock, with zero degree of cuteness.

3) … do girls like to act cute when they talk?
Speaking of wanting to be cute, some girls would go a great length to make themselves look adorable. You know, hop like a bunny during a conversation, twirl their fringe with a finger, loll on inanimate objects, and probably even pout like they’re camwhoring… you know, stuff like that. They’re almost like, imagining themselves as some of those round little annoying Pikachu shits they saw on TV or something. It’s fucking annoying bordering revolting.

4) …do some girls like to catwalk to impress?
It’s an undeniable fact that girls learn the darndest things from TV and fashion magazines. One of he most disturbing things is catwalk. For some strange reasons, girls think that if one were to be able to catwalk, their attractiveness would get a bonus of +200% and guys would fall head over heels for her. Never mind how ugly that person is. I’ve seen many delusional blimp chicks doing catwalks in public before, and the only thing I always have in mind when I see one, is how fucking hard I would laugh if that fat fuck were to lose her footing and land hard on the cold hard floor.

5) …do girls like to fake their accent to sound sophisticated?
Of course, girls who always try to sound sophisticated by faking their accent. Especially English. “Oh my twatttt ishhh ssssho bhigggg”. Pffft. There are so many of them out there. I wonder who the fuck told them that having a fake accent is cool. Having a fake accent is never cool. They make you look cheap and desperate. Oh of course, they always swear on having their ovary ruptured that their accent’s all real (even though the person just visited Europe for a couple of weeks, and managed to ‘pick up’ the accent naturally), but really, any shithead could spot a fake accent.

6) …do girls like to lug along a handbag everywhere they go?
Stupid handbags. Notice that they’re always small and never practical? If you ever get the chance to rummage inside a handbag, you’d notice that there’s always nothing useful inside. A pack of tissue paper, a small purse and a small can of mace perhaps. 4 items at most. And all of them are stuff that can be easily fitted inside a pocket. Oh I forgot, most of girl-wears (annoyingly) do not have a frigging pocket. And when they have to go do something like dancing with their stupid friends or go to a loo, the unfortunate male counterpart would have to hold the handbag for her and look like a faggot. That’s why most guys hate ladies with fancy handbags.

By the way, I fucking lost my job.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 

35 Comments to “things that I do not get”

  1. ShaolinTiger says:

    Agree with all of the above, the one that gets me worst is girls acting cutesy – especially when their physical stature really doesn’t suit it.

    And fuck serious about your job? That sucks. VSS?

  2. Nichi says:

    sorry to know that you lost you job :(

  3. weng says:

    sad to hear about the job loss dude .. but take care!

  4. Raymond says:

    I won’t fall for your April Fool’s trick! :P

  5. michaelooi says:

    Raymond – Come on man, I lost my frigging job and you’re saying stuff like that to me? You broke my heart dude.

  6. Em. says:

    pikachu. LOL!

    I pout (but very very very rare!)
    I dont speak softly cuz my voice is naturally loud. -.-
    catwalks is for bimbo skinny girls. fat girl (like me) cant do catwalk.not that i want to

    and yessss girls carry their handbag everywhere they go!!
    My bag is big(not small, sorry) and i carry so many stuff with me.my pencil case, sunnies,purse, random shit but i never bring tissue paper!
    But i do have girlfriends who dislike carrying handbag.

  7. Danielle says:

    oh no! i hope you’re not pulling one on us.. if that’s for real, seriously i’m sorry to hear that. good luck out there!

  8. Pookyma says:

    I feel sorry for you bout your job but part of me thinks that it’s one of your April Fool’s trick again!

  9. M orpheusX says:

    So how much was offered? Same as the others i doubt so. People that has read this for sometime can smell that from a mile away. haha

  10. 2Damage says:

    You took the “package” ?

  11. Natasha says:

    Sorry to hear that you lost your job. Hope you find a new job soon.

  12. Rootified says:

    really sorry to hear that dude.
    but cheer up. darkest night is always followed by a beautiful dawn.

  13. Kay says:

    Let’s say when your daughter grew up to have some of the above behavior, what would you do michael? :)

  14. cooltudor says:

    sorry to hear you lost your job, don’t give up,
    i lost my job too, i got a lot of free time now (think positive)

  15. sam says:

    sorry to hear that ..
    take your fucking free time go for holiday,
    take some nice pic.(not nude 1 la…)

  16. Dang. Sorry you lost your job.

  17. feizal says:

    Kay:

    No wayyy Kayyy… With all the stories brother Michael has posted on Regine, it is inevitable that she’ll be the type that will pulverize these girls…

    Hidup Regine!

  18. michaelooi says:

    Alright guys, I didn’t lose my job (check the date). It was an April fool joke, if it’s not obvious enough.

    But I NEARLY lost my job though. Last week was the most depressing week ever. First, the VSS announcement. Nearly lost my mind contemplating about it, and eventually decided to stay to keep my job. But after I made that decision, the director announced that he wanted to dissolve my workgroup, which I thought was the end of me. And then came the chaos in the upper management, because there were some who opposed the idea and everything was put on discussion for a few depressing days (which felt like forever) – and I only found out yesterday, that not only my old job stays, but I have to take over more responsibilities as well…
    1) My boss’ function to oversee the lab operations (an acting boss with no promotion/wage increment)
    2) Change of primary role to support another engineering function
    3) Take charge of another lab which was directly controlled by U.S.
    4) Cleaning up the shits left over from the previous management…

    So now I ended up having 3 – 4 jobs, which is worse than a prostitute. I have to be the pimp, the janitor, the prostitute, the cashier and the gynecologist for myself… I’m going to be busy like fuck.

    I posted the April fool line to remember this craziest week ever.

  19. MT says:

    I feel your pain brother Mike! A couple more to add to your list: Chicks making that stupid “puppy-dog eyes” kinda face when taking photos, doing the “smile with inward curled lips” face when taking photos, ALWAYS turning their face at an angle when taking photos, taking photos of EVERYTHING i.e. the cute sake cup, their pasta dish, 2 flies mating on the outside of the restaurant window, etc, and then posting those photos all over Facebook!

    Speaking of the accents, I know this one girl (bitch) who managed to get an Aussie accent two weeks BEFORE she went to Melbourne! Talk about preparation! :lol:

  20. michaelooi says:

    oh yeah I missed out that one. Girls who like to take their pictures close up like that ‘The Dog’ franchise (was it a franchise?), you know, to make their fucking nose disproportionately big and all that? Yeah.

  21. cLiu says:

    I have been staying at Europe for one year, but my friend still said that i talk like Malaysia’s Chinese English, why oh why? =(

  22. J says:

    are u hinting me? :(
    btw, why do guys tend to label girls as bad when they swear?

    sorry to hear that you lost your job. what’s next?

  23. Adrian says:

    Hey man, sorry to hear that you lost your job. Time is bad, but you have to keep your spirit up.

    I agree with you about the things that you dislike. I am the same. Sometimes I just don’t understand them, and I don’t think I ever will. You forgot to add that a lot of them are self-centered as well, like the whole world must evolve only around them.

  24. tyra says:

    april’s fool day mike :)

  25. anas says:

    i hate it when girls talk as if they’re babies, i mish you, i wuv you, etc. fuck!

  26. EinsamSoldat says:

    let put in simple… cos most of them are attention seeking whores!!!!

  27. Sammi says:

    hmm.. more job responsibility means future promotion. congrats mike. bigger paycheck is coming your way.

  28. sweewon says:

    Fell for it again! ..until you clarified. But luckily I read this on 3rd April :P

    Still remember the prank you pulled with Dr.Liew few years back. Cheh!

  29. missfiona says:

    wow..mr gilbert was rite 0.0

  30. mott says:

    1) They have bad breath..hence they speak softly, so you don’t faint from the excrement.

    2) They have bad teeth, hence they pout and not smile.

    3) They act cute, so that they’re excused from talking intelligently.

    4) Their mudders never put them in a walker, when they were babies…so they don’t know how to walk terkang-kang.

    5) They hope their accent will cover their bad england.. oops, english. ahem.

    6) They want other girls to think their man is gay….

  31. jusoh says:

    alo uncle ooi! dont care lah what ever their intentions are, as long as i can bring back and have few rounds…

  32. bongkersz says:

    Yeah, ditto on the accent part. Stupid dorks thinking talking with a fake accent is so cool. Well, most girls that try to act cute, normally not cute and all. So, forget about trying to be cute. It just get worst.

  33. bongkersz says:

    Oh yeah.. Happy April Fool! Was tricked by you when you pulled the stunt with Dr. Liew last time, not going to fall for that again! Nyahahahahahaha!

  34. TK says:

    OMG THERES A GIRL LIKE THAT IN MY CLASS!!! TOTAL CAMWHORIN BITCH!
    sry for the rage. wanted to get it out of my system this seemed like a good place to do it.

  35. Steph says:

    Haha nice post. I don’t do stuffs like you said in your post thou. but i believe most of the girls did out there. sometimes even girls hate those too. :)

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