Archive for March, 2009

March 31, 2009

things that I do not get

Things that I do not get about girls…


1) …do girls like to speak softly to feign nicety?
I’m sure a lot of you have encountered this before. Some girl you meet at a function who speaks like a mosquito trying to buzz you a message from across a big room, and you have to repeatedly ask for pardon like an idiot. Man, why do them girls like to assume that speaking at a much reduced volume would paint an impression that they’re polite? The sad thing is, many of these girls don’t even speak like that to those they know well (retarded friends, parents, siblings). What’s wrong with being able to speak up with confidence, with a clear and crisp voice?

2) … do girls like to pout their lips in pictures?
You and I have seen it. Pouting lips is synonymous with the act of camwhoring nowadays. You see a series of camwhoring pictures, you’re bound to see someone pouting their lips. Some would even go to the extend of poking their cheeks with their index. I don’t know what is that suppose to do. Make them look cute? Fuck. If you’re cute, you’re cute. Pouting or poking your fucking cheeks won’t make an ugly person any cuter. I’ve seen scores of tragic looking specimen did that before, but the only effect they ever gave me was a massive cockblock, with zero degree of cuteness.

3) … do girls like to act cute when they talk?
Speaking of wanting to be cute, some girls would go a great length to make themselves look adorable. You know, hop like a bunny during a conversation, twirl their fringe with a finger, loll on inanimate objects, and probably even pout like they’re camwhoring… you know, stuff like that. They’re almost like, imagining themselves as some of those round little annoying Pikachu shits they saw on TV or something. It’s fucking annoying bordering revolting.

4) …do some girls like to catwalk to impress?
It’s an undeniable fact that girls learn the darndest things from TV and fashion magazines. One of he most disturbing things is catwalk. For some strange reasons, girls think that if one were to be able to catwalk, their attractiveness would get a bonus of +200% and guys would fall head over heels for her. Never mind how ugly that person is. I’ve seen many delusional blimp chicks doing catwalks in public before, and the only thing I always have in mind when I see one, is how fucking hard I would laugh if that fat fuck were to lose her footing and land hard on the cold hard floor.

5) …do girls like to fake their accent to sound sophisticated?
Of course, girls who always try to sound sophisticated by faking their accent. Especially English. “Oh my twatttt ishhh ssssho bhigggg”. Pffft. There are so many of them out there. I wonder who the fuck told them that having a fake accent is cool. Having a fake accent is never cool. They make you look cheap and desperate. Oh of course, they always swear on having their ovary ruptured that their accent’s all real (even though the person just visited Europe for a couple of weeks, and managed to ‘pick up’ the accent naturally), but really, any shithead could spot a fake accent.

6) …do girls like to lug along a handbag everywhere they go?
Stupid handbags. Notice that they’re always small and never practical? If you ever get the chance to rummage inside a handbag, you’d notice that there’s always nothing useful inside. A pack of tissue paper, a small purse and a small can of mace perhaps. 4 items at most. And all of them are stuff that can be easily fitted inside a pocket. Oh I forgot, most of girl-wears (annoyingly) do not have a frigging pocket. And when they have to go do something like dancing with their stupid friends or go to a loo, the unfortunate male counterpart would have to hold the handbag for her and look like a faggot. That’s why most guys hate ladies with fancy handbags.

By the way, I fucking lost my job.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 35 Comments
March 28, 2009

fuck Earth Hour

I don’t understand what’s the big fucking deal with Earth Hour. Everyone switches off their lights simultaneously to promote widespread awareness that global warming could ruin our shit? What the fuck. Aren’t we all already aware of that?

The majority of us Malaysians, do not even recycle (oh, maybe only for the wrong reasons, like stealing manhole covers, for example). About a good quarter of us (my humble estimate) drives/rides a gasoline/diesel powered vehicle. We burn fossil fuel and coal to generate electricity. We urbanize our lands without control (you can ask around in Bukit Antarabangsa), use synthetic products and blast our air conditioners the whole fucking day. You want to talk to me about Earth Hour? Forget Earth Hour. One hour isn’t going to do jack shit to anything except making the economy slump spiral down further. Earth Hour is nothing more than a hokum that gives you this self inflated assurance that you’re doing something to conserve the environment.

Do you have any idea how many tonnes of greenhouse gases are produced each time there is a war? I don’t know the exact figure, but what I know is, it’s way much more than what you and your retarded friends could do by switching off the lights, for a billion years. And this is just one of them. There are thousands more. We do things everyday to survive, that are contributing to global warming. Let’s face it, modernization and the environment just do not get along.

In my opinion, the only thing we human as a whole can REALLY do to stop global warming at its tracks – is fucking kill ourselves simultaneously. We disappear from the face Earth – that’s the only way. Let’s be real here. We humans are a bane to our own planet. As long as we exist, there are bound to be problems. We are already fucking the Earth every awakening seconds by being alive (we exhale CO2, remember? And we populate and urbanize at warp speed). So, why fucking bother?

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 22 Comments
March 25, 2009


My 3 year old daughter said this to me when she was about to have her afternoon nap:

Regine : “Daddy, you whine lar…”

She was relentless in her request, I didn’t know why. Thinking that she just wanted to play, I submitted and whined like how she normally does it when she wants something really bad. That was when I saw the immediate change of expression on her face, from an innocent child into the stepmother bitch glower she learned from the Cinderella cartoon, and then said this

Regine : “MOMMY! DADDY WHINED! Can you spank him?” [pouts]

Yeah, she asked my wife to spank me because I ‘whined’. So, it was all a trickery for her to justify the reason to have me spanked and yelled at.

Regine : “YOU NAUGHTY BOY! GO AWAY! I don’t want to ‘friend’ you! You sleep outside and let cicak bite you!” [waving her fists and showing claws]

I then recalled that I had actually berated her the day before inside the car, when she whined for the chocolate milk Emily and I bought from the hypermart. I scolded her for being such a nuisance and might have even threatened to have her fed to the lizards (I can’t recall). So this was her way of getting back at me.

I don’t know if this is suppose to be healthy but, I have a feeling that I should start worrying about my welfare now…

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 13 Comments
March 21, 2009

self indulgence

For a good definition of ‘self-indulgence’, read the article below

Pakatan to hold auction under tree
IPOH: Five pieces broken off from the vandalised plaque in front of the Perak Pakatan Rakyat’s Democracy Tree will go on public auction tomorrow.

Anyone or their proxy can bid for the pieces which have been turned into decorative souvenirs complete with a picture of the plaque framed with gold lining. The starting bid is RM500 and the auction will begin at 11am under the shade of the tree.

“The reason we are doing this is to commemorate the historic sitting of the state assembly under the tree. This is the first public auction of its kind,” state DAP secretary Nga Kor Ming said yesterday.

He said money raised from the auction would go towards Pakatan’s legal fund and to replace the vandalised plaque.

I don’t know about you guys but, to me, it’s just a fucking tree. Why give so much attention to one stupid fucking tree. Had the Pakatan folks called the emergency meeting under a lamp post, would they erect a plague for that lamp post as well? And now they are looking for idiots to bilk for the broken plague pieces… what the fuck.

There’s only so much coolness they can bask from one alleged ‘historical’ moment (which was, far from being historical in my opinion. It was just a meeting. Nothing eventually came out of it. It was gutsy and commendable, but not ‘historical’). But when they do it like the tree’s some holy Jesus Christ relic, it’s not so cool anymore. It makes them look desperate, immature and downright stupid.

The economy is at its worst shape and unemployment is mounting. Instead of doing anything useful, our politicians are squabbling about one fucking tree. If I were to be a Perak resident, I’d walk up to those bunch of politicians and yell at them “Lay off the tree, get back to work already you fucks!”.

Here, a one finger salute to all our Malaysian politicians for being so useful :


michaelooi  | snippets  | 7 Comments
March 17, 2009

I don’t know…

I don’t know why but, every time I see the current President of the United States, I think of a guy named Nǃxau (who had difficulty counting anything higher than 20… no disrespect to the President though…)

Please expand this post below to see the picture of Nǃxau…

Read the rest of this entry »

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 11 Comments