January 16, 2009

perfect death

I’m not sure if I have written this before but, I kind of expressed to a bunch of my bewildered colleagues today about my ideal way of dying.

Everyone dies, right? But is yours going to be a long and painful one, or is it going to be a quick and easy one?

Obviously, nobody wants to die a painful death. No not cancer please. I don’t want to have kidney or liver failures either. So how do one actually die a quick and painless death when the time comes? The answer is – Heart Attack, and that’s what I said to my colleagues today.

I’m sure you’ve seen shitless of campaign posters before that says ‘heart attack’ is bad for you. I don’t know why is that. For all I know, having a heart attack is actually a blessing in disguise. It’s quick, painless and it’s neat. You don’t get hair loss or look sick like a cadaver. You’ll be looking like who you are when you die and the whole process (of getting an arrest and die) probably takes less than a minute. I mean, how much better could one ask for? It is a perfect way to die.

So, I was thinking, maybe when I’m old and have had enough of this world, I’m going to settle off all my outstanding (wills and shits…), and then I’m going to get myself a heart attack. Eg. I’m going to start by getting myself fellated back to back by 20 awesome looking professional hookers to get the adrenalin pumping. And when my blood’s all boiling and heart’s pumping mad, I’ll take a ride in a roller coaster or perhaps bungy jump… and then FFFTTTTTTT… the light fades away. No pain, no suffering, had 20 blowjobs and all still excited.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 

10 Comments to “perfect death”

  1. ShaolinTiger says:

    Sounds like a fine plan.

  2. KJ says:

    no exactly correct. to suffer a heart attack is very painful indeed, you will feel like your heart being stab with a knife as it is beating out of rhythm then finally stops when it cannot cope anymore. you are right it is a quick death but is certainly hurts. that why you see people with heart attack squeeze their chest very hard, and had a painful look on their face.

    to die in your sleep, now that the ideal death wish, people who die in their sleep sometimes had a smile on their face. no pain, and you probably don’ even know it.

  3. michaelooi says:

    KJ – Painful look? squeeze chest? They don’t sound that ‘painful’ to me… Have you seen how terminal stage cancer patients suffer? I have. In fact, I have seen too many. If you have seen that, then you’ll get some inkling of the right definition of ‘pain’…

    And besides, people don’t just ‘die in their sleep’. They die of some causes. Cardiac arrest is one of them, which is also caused by heart attack. And you think that they ‘didn’t know it’ because they didn’t get the chance to tell you (you are also busy sleeping when they’re busy dying). And the smile can be due to stiffening of muscles in the rigor mortis stage (get discovered hours after sleep). Doesn’t mean the person is ‘happy’ when they die… (now I’d definitely die happy if I were to die of heart attack during a blow job – though it’d be traumatic for that blower…)

  4. KJ says:

    of course person don’t die in their sleep in a medical terms, but you know english, then you will know the common layman terms. their heart slows down in gradual process, cardiac or whatever shit you call it, and not a heart ATTACK kind of thing. if you have been reading correctly, you will know that i am comparing with heart attack and not cancer. but since it’s your way of dying, it’s up to you how you want to do it. fine. up to you…

  5. KC says:

    The only drawback is that you might instead end up with a stronger ticker & sore pecker! Hmm… like they said, if it doesn’t work, try & try again!

  6. michaelooi says:

    KJ – If YOU have been reading correctly, my friend. I have a hard time understanding your incoherent (second) comment. But don’t bother, I’m not interested.

    KC – I don’t mind a sore pecker for that! (who does?) ahaks

  7. Russell says:

    i was thinking of sleeping in a car with the engine running, looks peaceful to me

  8. michaelooi says:

    good suggestion (although a bit gayish to my standard), but for that, you’ll need to make sure your car emits enough CO to kill you – like a Proton or a Perodua. But this is going to be hard in the future, as car engines are becoming more efficient and cleaner. heheh

  9. How about drowning? Less painful?

    I find this post kinda funny. Not that death is something to laugh about and I don’t understand the talks of death just yet, but you got me thinking on how to die. Now I feel weird. Lol.

  10. MT says:

    Hooookay… KJ seems to have missed his happy pills. Somebody give him a ketamine dart in the neck please.

    Drowning?! Less painful?! Holy sheeite! For me, drowning and burning are the among the worst ways to die. I would DEFINITELY choose death by heart attack due to fellatio. :)

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