Archive for 2009

December 24, 2009

2009 roll up

Over a glass of beer,

Me: “Man, it seems that 2009 will probably hold the record as the shittiest year ever. Almost all of us in the gang lost our job…”

Charles: “Yeah, and Michael Jackson died too.”

Well, I haven’t really lost my job but, I am about to. I applied for a VSS to leave Company X. To those of you who do not know what’s a ‘VSS’, it’s the abbreviation for ‘Voluntary Separation Scheme’ – it’s a deal where the company would compensate you to get the fuck out of there, on voluntary basis.

So, I volunteered. Still subject to my boss’ approval though, but I think I’m going to get it. If this gets through, it will be a major change for me… as I have been with Company X for more than a decade. To you geeks out there, this change is akin to a direct upgrade from Windows 95 to Windows 7 on the same set of hardware. Yes, it is as wretched as that. I’m gonna have to be out there again looking for a job, which I don’t remember how anymore. I dread of the prospect of myself having to elbow a multitude of skinny fresh graduate fucks just to grab a job which those cocksuckers are willing to work for less wage and more hours for. This is definitely going to be tough.

But there’s a good side out of this though – I’m gonna get a large sum of moolah from the VSS. May not be enough for me to buy a bootlegged jet engine but, it’s enough to clear off my mortgage to lighten the load and still have some dough left. I initially thought of using the money to plan for an emigration, but the idea had to be temporarily shelved due to some family complications. So right now, the tentative plan is to do nothing with the money, and only worry about everything when the time comes. (maybe to invest in another property, I don’t know).

On the other side of the development, I’m glad that my precious little daughter has been doing quite well after moving to a new nursery. She’s 3.5 years old now, as hyper as any healthy kid and is now able to speak in some shitty Mandarin (learned at her own accord at the nursery) on top of her English. She’s also picking a little bit of Hokkien and Cantonese here and there… But I think she’ll be well versed in all the dialects and languages in no time. I’m keeping my hopes up.

Then about a couple of months ago, she also started to show the inquisitive side of her, as I have predicted back in April 2006. Her first ‘why’ question was, “Daddy, why is the sky dark at night?”, followed by “Why does it rain?” about 5 minutes later. Like I had vowed previously, I went ahead to answer her honestly with only the truth – about how the planet revolves around the sun and the idea of water evaporating into clouds and condenses into rain drops etc. She quickly lost her interest on the lengthy explanation though… but still, I couldn’t have been any prouder of her.

And that’s basically all about 2009. Bitter and sweet. Bitter story at work, sweet experience at home. I guess that’s how life ought to be. It won’t be that interesting anymore if everything’s fine at work. I won’t have that much stuff to blog about if that were to happen. In fact, after most of my dumbass colleagues left (Elliott, Mojo Jojo, Rod, etc), I lost about 40% of my inspiration to blog. I hate to admit this but, I kinda missed them when life’s too peaceful at work and there wasn’t anyone dumb enough for me to ridicule at. This blog has been and will always be, revolving around the ridiculous stuff that stupid people do and how I react to them. Without stupid people around me making boners, it’ll be like a titty bar without strippers. The substance will be lost and this whole thing will be nothing but an epic failure.

So I’m taking this hurdle as a cue for a change. I’m going to focus on getting a new job next year, whether or not I get the VSS. And if I were to get a job, hopefully it will be one with a good balance of stupid people and hot ass bimbos… I certainly could use some of that. That will be the main challenge for me in 2010. Wish me luck if you have some to spare.

This will be my last post for 2009. Before I fold, I would like to take the opportunity to wish all of you out there a very Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 25 Comments
December 23, 2009

drug addict

I was having my lunch with my family at a food court in a mall, when a Malay chick at a table next to ours accidentally spills her cup of iced chocolate on the floor. Then the janitor came (an old guy in his 60s), but that guy didn’t do anything about the spill. He just looked on, seemingly amused with the whole thing…

“Isn’t that guy suppose to wipe this up?” my wife whispered to me.

“I have no idea. Maybe he’s waiting for that lady to clear the table first.” I remarked.

But he wasn’t. He was actually scheming on something. With a smirk, the old janitor then went off to summon another scrawny guy to do the job. From the first glance of that scrawny guy, I could tell that he was a drug addict. His actions were slow, and he wasn’t in his healthy color. And the next thing I noticed was, the scrawny guy was getting yelled at by the janitor, even before doing the job. And then throughout the mopping, he was constantly being screamed at and even insulted with the foulest of words by the old guy janitor.

It was pretty disturbing, actually. Scrawny guy was doing the thing right – he brought a mop to clean the spill, but he got yelled at by the janitor for just doing that. He was a bit slow and stim stim, yes, but that still does not warrant for him to be yelled at. Time is not a critical factor for anyone in this case. This is clearly a discrimination. The scrawny guy was discriminated by a much older guy, even for doing his shit right, just because he’s a drug fucking addict.

I don’t know you guys but, I don’t think this is right. You don’t yell at people because of his background or identity. So fucking what if he’s a drug addict and he’s using his wage to buy his next fix? Just as long as he gets his job done, right? But apparently, some people are just full of shit like that. They set a perception of you based on your background, identity and affiliations – not on your ability get the job done. Alas, this happens in all levels of our society. People getting marginalized for the wrongest shit reasons, and no matter what you do, you are always someone’s ‘drug addict’ in this judgmental society. And it is even sadder for me to know that my child is going to grow up seeing all these filth in humanity that make us no different than a pack of wolves.

After mopping the floor, the drug addict went ahead to pour himself a mug of coffee, and retired behind a fire exit door, hiding himself from the public view and humiliation.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 6 Comments
December 21, 2009

maid powered family

I have a neighbor who has 3 little boys. Although the neighbor’s boys are quite close with my 3.5 year old daughter, we’re not in any level acquainted with the boys’ parents at all. My wife has only spoken to the mom once, who – according to my wife – is a snobbish bitch who speaks in heavily faked English accent and couldn’t stop trying to show how sophisticated she is. In a short conversation of less than 5 mins, she managed to cram in every shit ass opinion she has about the education system and the economy (you get the idea).

Most of the time, it is the maid who brings the boys to the apartment compound/garden to socialize with other kids. The mom has never brought the boys out to play before. She’d probably be too busy slapping makeups on her face and trying to look pretty than to take care of her own boys. So, the maid has all along been playing the surrogate mother to the boys – washing, cooking, babysitting, tucking them to sleep and even disciplining them. The real bitch of a biological mom on the other hand, would not lift a finger to do a fucking thing.

And then came this problem – the maid has to leave for her hometown in Indonesia for a few weeks. Probably to utilize her leave or something. This got the real mom in a real predicament there, as it soon dawned on her that she’s gonna have to fucking undertake every chore by herself when the maid’s away. She panicked, and did what most of us cognitive people wouldn’t even dream of doing – she SENT THE MAID TO GO AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD, to ask if anyone’s willing to babysit the kids for the family (probably even cook as well, I don’t know). The maid came to ask for my wife’s aid last week (to ask around the neighbors), because she wasn’t exactly in the right status as a maid to go around negotiating deals for a babysitter for that family.

I was shocked in disbelief when I heard that from my wife. The first thing that came to my mind was, why the fuck can’t the mother do that herself!? She needed someone to babysit her kids, and she sends her maid to do the recruiting!? Like, what the fuckk!? Isn’t she the cunt who has tonnes of jackass sophisticated opinion about everything in the society!? Where is she now!? This is so ridiculous.

I wonder how does that bitch live everyday to call herself a parent and a wife. What actual role has she really played in the family other than getting the pounding in the cunt by the husband. The maid has been doing every jack shit for her! From raising her kids to cooking and washing! I told my wife, the husband should have fucking married the maid instead of this bitch here. Not only the maid looks slimmer, hotter and younger than the bitch, hell… she can even speak English without the annoying fake accent! How about that!

Some people just ought not to have kids, this is so fucking true.
(For the record, the maid still haven’t found a babysitter. I hope she never finds one, so that the bitch mother gets to do all the glamorous work herself)

michaelooi  | characters  | 8 Comments
December 15, 2009

stim

Penang Hokkien is a very unique dialect. It has this class of words that give off almost the opposite meaning when used in pairs, which a lot of non-Penang people don’t really know. In the spirit of Satu Malaysia, I’m gonna introduce you people to one of these wonderful words.

The word for today is : STIM [stim]

Can be used as an adjective, interjection or a verb. Basically, anything that gives you a sense of extreme satisfaction and excitement to the highest degree, you can use this word to describe your intense exhilaration. As a verb, it can be used as a more passionate and intense substitute for the word ‘like’ or ‘love’. Examples:

“Ofis eh air con kau giak stim!” – adjective
[translation: "The air con at the office is very 'stim'"]

“Ho chiak boh?” “Stim!” – interjection
[translation: "Was it delicious?" "Stim!"]

“Claudia stim ee eh brother maa!” – verb
[translation: "That's because Claudia 'stim' his brother!"]

But when ‘stim’ is used in pairs – ‘stim stim’, it becomes an adjective with a somewhat opposite meaning – ‘being uncharacteristically vapid, boring and almost expressionlessly lifeless’ (FYI, this is many times more wretched than being ‘stone’). Examples:

“Ee eh lau pek stim stim eh…”
[translation: "He has a stim stim father..."]

Emily: “That driver is very composed and calm behind the wheel, I didn’t see him react to your stupid air horn at all…”
Me: “That’s because he is ‘stim stim’, dear… not because he is calm or composed…”

Beautiful, isn’t it? So don’t get too happy when someone from Penang describes you as ‘stim stim’, for it is not meant to be in good faith.

MichaelOoi.net, educating ‘stim stim’ individuals since 2003.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 9 Comments
December 13, 2009

Nazri FTW

Is it just me or what… that I think this Nazri guy is AWESOME? Here’s a snippet of the Last Samurai dicing some cab drivers with his katana…

[source]
Nazri slams cab association
PETALING JAYA: Datuk Seri Nazri Aziz has hit out at a taxi association which is demanding that he apologises for his remarks about errant taxi drivers.

The Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department said he was merely stating facts when he said that tourists listed errant taxi drivers as their worst complaint in a recent survey.

“Previously, tourists listed dirty toilets. But now, their number one complaint is errant taxi drivers.

“Even the public cannot stand errant taxi drivers,” he said when contacted yesterday.

On Friday, Executive Taxi Owners Association of Malaysia chairman Azmi Md Yatin demanded that Nazri apologise for stating that the attitude of bad taxi drivers was worse than filthy toilets.

“They should check their facts first. They did not even attend my meeting.

“Why should they be angry? I was talking about errant taxi drivers. Good taxi drivers will not be affected by what I said,” he said.

Nazri said they would not compromise with errant taxi drivers who were becoming a bane.

“Refusing to use the meter, charging exorbitant prices and declining to take passengers are some of the bad behaviours irking both tourists and public alike.

“We will not tolerate their attitude and urge the public to report such cases to us so that we can take immediate action,” he added.

As for Azmi’s action in sending a memorandum of protest to the Prime Minister, Nazri joked:

“Why don’t they suggest in the memorandum that the Prime Minister drops me as a minister?”

“Whatever they do, we will not back down against errant taxi drivers,” he said.

Earlier in Kuala Kangsar, after launching a new bus by General Omnibus Sdn Bhd, Nazri described the protest memorandum as “a stupid move.”

I’m surprised that these lowlife taxi drivers didn’t suggest in the memorandum to demolish all the public toilets in Malaysia – so that they won’t be as wretched as ‘worse than filthy public toilets’ (because no more public toilet maa), but just whatever that is presently third on the list.

By the way, what the fuck’s with submitting memorandum nowadays? Our PM must be so busy reading memorandums, that he does not have enough time to appreciate Rosmah’s hair. Like candle light vigils, I think submitting memorandums is being grossly overused. So yesterday. Think of something new lah. Like burning their own taxi cab to attract attention, for example.

Jokes aside, being ‘worse than filthy public toilets’ is probably an understatement. An errant taxi driver is worse than whatever that’s being flushed down those toilets. Not only they piss off people, but sometimes they endanger the safety of the public as well. A good percentage of them drive recklessly, behave like thugs and even involved in vice trade (a friend was once asked by a KL taxi driver if he would like some foreign prostitutes for company). And this is as wretched as it can be, and it warrants for something to be done about them.

michaelooi  | snippets  | Comments Off