Archive for December, 2008

December 12, 2008

2008 roll up

As most of you have known, it has been a customary of me to write a summary of my year as the final post every year. In case you’re wondering if this is coming too soon – yes, I decided to bring this forward to take a short hiatus from blogging till January.

Alright, so how has it been for me (2008)? It was alright I guess. At least nothing bad happened. As I have mentioned in my previous roll up, I wanted to have my job stabilize over, you know, settling down and stuff. And that’s pretty much what has been going on for me. I have not been very productive (though by the common standard, it was still above average) and have not done jack shit. I was just going with the flow. Get the job done and go home. For the first time ever, my only motivation was for that paycheck at the end of the month.

Like 2007, I haven’t had much life outside my family and work. I had very little outings (got drunk only twice), and once a while, only went drinking at a friend’s house on weekends, and that’s about it. At times, I did feel like a zombie programmed to sleep and work, eat and crap, toggle between a husband/dad and engineer mode, and have just the sufficient cognitive ability to not make an ass out of myself. It was as if I am trapped in this stage of life like a nasty fold on a vast piece of carpet… you know, those banal moments in life that are meant to be wasted and not worth remembering? I think I’m going through that right now.

And then there’s the economy downturn which everyone has been getting anal about. Despite it being a blight to everyone, I am fortunate to say that it has little effect on me to date. In fact, it kinda translated to slightly better livelihood for people like me. How? You see, I get my paycheck in a constant manner. If the economic slump has been causing everything to be less expensive, then the advantage is definitely on people like me, you get what I mean? The only worry for me is to lose my fucking job. And I know that’s not likely going to happen anytime soon… (even if that were to happen, I’d take that as a cue for me to move on to a new organization and life… which I have been reluctant on doing all these while. So, it’s still ok for me). So, both my social and work life can be best described as unchanged, mundane, boring and everything else in between.

Anyway, there were still some joyous episodes left for me to salvage amidst the mundanity:
I finally cleared the installment for Lorraine. That spells ‘financial freedom’. But then, it was a short lived liberation, for I used the money to buy a new car to replace my mom’s rickety junk (I guess it was more like HER joyous moment more than mine…). And then of course, the joy of parenting. Seeing my Regine growing into a talkative and an increasingly evil little girl is – sadistically – the most exhilarating experience for Emily and I. Our baby, despite being quite a nuisance, has been making our life nothing short of being ‘livelier’. For every shitty day that we have in office, she would make it up by just being around. She’s like, the absorber for our potholes in life. She makes our problems look trivial with her shenanigans, and therefore, makes everything wretched more bearable. It is a blessing to have her around.

2009, I reckon, will be a bad time to have plans and aspirations. Company X, like many multinational corporations, will definitely be in limbo when the world economic slump goes into full force. It will be more of a question whether I’m able to retain my fucking job, or is there going to be a change of things. It is very hard to be certain. There have been whispers and rumors, that Company X is soon going to be bought over by some Taiwanese firm, and we’re all going to be turned into their sex slaves. So, 2009 for me, will be more about how to sustain the life, to be prudent in all expenditures and hopefully, get over the drought soon. You know, aim low and hit higher.

And that’s about it. Like I said, this will be my last post for 2008, and I will be taking a break from blogging/work for the rest of December. I am not going for a vacation so, I will still be hanging around; probably will use up the time to clear my backlog of movies and TV shows that has been hogging my hard drive…

Merry Christmas people, and have a happy bad economy New Year.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 18 Comments
December 8, 2008


My wife Emily was caught in some situation last night – my 2 year old daughter spotted her holding a piece of sanitary napkin (if you need to know, it was an unused pad) and asked her what was that on her hand. Not wanting to complicate things, Emily told Regine that it was ‘mommy’s diaper’. That’s the closest thing that makes sense to a 2 year old, Emily said. Astonished by the shape of that thing, my Regine took the piece of sanitary napkin, ran to me and said:

“Daddy daddy! See this? This is mommy’s diaper… SO UGLY!!”

I laughed till I almost died. I wonder what makes her think that her diaper looks better than a goddamn sanitary napkin…

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 12 Comments
December 6, 2008

encounter with kids that need serious tranquilizing

I had to yell at a bunch of kids at a KFC joint today.

It happened at the indoor playground area, when I was looking after Regine. It was all good at the playground until that bunch of obnoxious kids came and started to wreak havoc upon mankind. For the record here, the indoor playground was meant for kids under 10, but those kids that came were like 10 – 12 years old. There were 5 of them in a gang, brought over by this middle aged Chinese housewife in a revolting spaghetti string attire.

They came into the playground and played ‘chase’ – which I didn’t really mind at first, albeit I was a little bit annoyed with the screaming and all. But when they pushed my Regine and made her almost tip over a 4 feet high platform, I snapped (I managed to grab her in time). I mean, can you imagine that? Seeing a 10 year old imp push my 2 year old angel like nobody’s business? Man, I could have tossed that little shit half way across the restaurant. But of course I didn’t do that (I would if it isn’t a crime). Instead, I hissed at the bunch of kids in my best impression of a mean fucker – “HEY! If you guys want to play, play properly, ok??”

A harmless warning with a hint of violence in it. Simple enough for the kids to understand that if they don’t heed my warning, they’re going to have to see the doctor to have chicken bones removed from their rectum. They immediately toned down right after I issued the threat. The spaghetti string housewife was around when I did the hissing, and she didn’t like that a bit. I thought she’d come over to confront me, but she didn’t. She’s probably scared of me or something. Whatever.

But I happened to spot her glowering at me from outside the window pane when she left the premise with her bunch of devil spawns, with the kind of expression like I was a pedophile who almost got a piece off one of them. She then muttered something vulgar (while still glowering at me) and then did what it seemed like she was reassuring her kids that I was just another terrible man from out of town. Not wanting to be left out, I reciprocated her hostility by lip syncing the word ‘BITCH’ and ‘CHEEBYE‘ back at her, which riled her even more… and then she fucking disappeared.

I swear, had she confronted me verbally when she was in the restaurant, I would have taken the liberty to say something really mean to her (since I needed to de-stress very badly lately anyway…), like how she ought to sheath her tits with those black garbage plastic bags to match the sag contour, and how rustic people like her shouldn’t reproduce, lest she would make the human species look bad to the animals. There’s a popular Malay word to describe the kind of people she is – Kurang ajar. Neither she nor any of her kids attempted to apologize for shoving my Regine.

Maybe some of you might say that they’re just kids being kids, but hell, there was actually another group of kids of about the same age before the little devils came. In contrast to the devil kids, the earlier group knew how to be considerate and share, and waited for their turn to play. Most important thing was, they knew how to cut my Regine some slack knowing she’s little and all. They didn’t scream like they’ve lost their fucking mind. And they didn’t run around like the building’s on fire. That’s what I would deem a normal, well taught, regular kid is. And when the little devils came, the first group automatically left. (unfortunately, except my Regine because she’s too little to realize that the hot soup’s pouring over and I couldn’t make her leave).

All in all, it’s just fucking sad to have people like her living amongst us.

michaelooi  | happenings  | 12 Comments
December 4, 2008

dumbass government

So, how much money and resources would it collectively take (for the nation of Malaysia) if each of us were to fill in the stupid form and submit it to the EPF department, just to tell them to fucking leave our 11% contribution untouched? I did a crude calculation.

1) Calculation for cost of man hours to get the job done
– Per capita income in year 2007 is RM 22,345 (reference to an article in TheStar some time ago)
– We all work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 52 weeks in a fiscal year – average per capita hourly income works to about RM9.55.
– Assuming it would take each person 30 minutes to print, read, fill in the particulars, discuss, commute, queue and submit the stupid form, that works to about RM 4.77 worth of manhours wasted for each form.
– That means, the whole country will be collectively wasting about RM 4.77 million for EVERY MILLION of members who do not want to have their contributions reduced. That’s enough money to fund the building repairs of several vernacular schools, or a lifetime’s beauty treatment for Pak Lah‘s pockmark ridden face.

2) Calculation for cost of materials to get the job done
– It is safe to assume that we’re going to use 1 sheet of A4 paper for 1 form.
– 1 ream of A4 paper has about 500 sheets.
– According to ‘Conserve A Tree‘ site, 1 ream of A4 paper of 500 sheets uses the wood content of about 6% of a regular sized tree.
– Ergo, 1 tree can produce about 17 reams of A4 paper, or 8500 sheets.
– That means, for every 1 million of disgruntled EPF members wanting to retain that 11% contribution to use 1 sheet of A4 paper for 1 form, we’d have to chop down about 118 trees to process them into paper. That’s 118 trees for every million of EPF forms. That’s about the size of a small forest dude.

3) Other shits in between
– The energy used to chop the trees, clear the forest, process the wood, pay the workers, transport the paper, etc.
– The moolah to pay those EPF officers to makan pagi, minum petang, overtime to process our forms.
– The amount of fossil fuel burned by thousands of vehicles going to EPF offices.
– The amount of electricity energy used to accommodate the crowd and to process the forms.
– The increment of probability that could skew the accident index in traffic.
– The amount of greenhouse gases released into the air from the vehicles traveling to EPF offices.
– etc etc etc

Yes, it’s like dumping truckloads after truckloads of money into a big ass incinerator labeled “HAA HAA YOU STUPID FUCK!”

Why can’t they just fucking let us have the 11% as default, and let those who wants the extra 3% of pocket money fill in the stupid form instead? Bunch of nincompoops and idiots.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 11 Comments
December 2, 2008

chick vanity bucks

I have been frequenting this same hairdresser since I was 17. The lady was my late father’s friend, who was quite hot when I was introduced to her. But not anymore. That’s because time and gravity took that all away from her. She now looks like a bipedal camel wearing a wig, without the fur, of course.

Anyway, I like to patronize her outlet not because of her looks, but because
a) she hasn’t got much customers so, I don’t really have to wait (I’m always the only customer there for the past 14 years)
b) her place has got a big ass space for me to park my car (I’m very anal about parking)
c) she’s the nearest and cheapest hairdresser I can find who could give me a decent trim (she used to charge 3 bucks per haircut. Now, she charges 12 stinging bucks.)

But just the other day, when I went there as usual for my haircut, for the first time in many years, I was made to wait for my turn. Before me was this young chick (who must be in her early 20’s…), having some ‘stuff’ done to her hair halfway. I quoted ‘stuff’ because I don’t really know what were my hairdresser doing to her hair. The girl obviously wasn’t having a haircut because I didn’t see any scissor or trimmer involved. There were just sticks and heaps of hair gel and hairsprays. The chick also had a friend (who has a pair of hot legs) looking on, and they were retardedly giggling at short intervals.

From what I reckoned, the girl must be preparing her hair for her wedding/engagement banquet, or at least some important event. You know, those weird stuff girls do to their hair. Loops here, twirls there, glitters and sticks everywhere. All out for the kill. The hairdresser told me it’s going to take a while and apologized. I was ok with that since I was kind of having a great time watching legs there. So, I waited.

I must have waited for 15 over minutes before it was finally done. Great, I thought, because my amusement for legs was wearing thin. But it was not over yet. The bride was not happy with some of the twirls, so, the hairdresser had to apply more chemicals to make it look more pubic like (well, that was how it looked to me). After working the twirls for another 5 minutes, the hairdresser held up a few handheld mirrors as a gesture to the girl that the job’s done. Again, the girl didn’t like it, and this time, she let out an ‘oops’, and said ‘I think I have a right hair parting, but you did me a left!’ – and my poor hairdresser had to start all over again with the sticks and hair gel and hairsprays, just so that the bride could have her hair parting changed to the right side. (I was thinking, who gives a crap if it’s left or right hair parting?? and why didn’t she mention that earlier??)

And that was how I waited through for another 20 minutes before it was finally done (for real). I then saw the girl pay like 70 – 80 bucks for the job and left the premise without moving her head (like she was balancing a goddamn beehive on her head). Curious, I then asked my apologetic hairdresser, was the girl getting married or something? To my surprise, my hairdresser said nay, the girl was just attending her friend’s wedding dinner. I was like, ‘WTF????’

Believe it people. That girl spent more than 70 bucks at the hairdresser, for more than an hour, to get her hair done for a friend’s wedding dinner. That’s fucking crazy, don’t you think? It shudders me to think that the girl had to spend so frigging much for something probably of least importance to her anyway. For the record, that’s enough moolah for me to have at least 5 haircuts in the span of 3 years! (I only have my haircut every 4 – 6 months).

Now I know how that hairdresser manage to sustain her business for so many years without really having too much customers visiting… that’s because she has all along been earning ‘chick vanity bucks’, that transcends beyond inflation, recession and comprehension.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 20 Comments