Archive for November, 2008

November 11, 2008

trivial conversation

Colleague : “I have a friend who is allergic to prawns, but not allergic to its soup”

Me : “No way, are you serious?”

Colleague : “Yeah. He won’t eat the prawns, but he’d be happy to hoover a bowl of Hokkien Mee anytime…” [Hokkien Mee is a noodle delicacy made of prawn soup]

Me : “I seriously doubt that. I think that’s not an allergy. I think it is more like a psychological aversion. So, what happens if he eats a prawn?”

Colleague : “He would puke violently.”

Me : “Nope. That’s not allergy in my dictionary.”

Colleague : “Well then, there has to be something that causes the puking…”

Me : “Psychological aversion dude. It’s the same feeling that I get when I see a fat housewife wearing tight fitting garments, exposing her massive love handles, and bits of dimpled fats oozing here and there. I’d feel like puking if I see that, but that doesn’t mean I’m having an allergy. I’m just having a psychological aversion.”

Colleague : “…”

My colleague’s stunned silence was a reassuring acknowledgment of that fact – that a human brain is indeed a very powerful thing. It could make everything unbelievable, believable.

So, to you ladies out there, if you think that by slapping on some tighter and sluttier clothes are going to enhance your look by multiple folds, it’s probably your brain that is fucking with you. If you’re fugly, you’d still be fugly no matter what you wear. Age gracefully, not disgracefully.

michaelooi  | dialogs  | 11 Comments
November 10, 2008


These bunch of degenerates never fail to both amuse and disgust me every time they make headlines…


Hero’s welcome for suspended Bukit Bendera Umno chief
GEORGE TOWN: Suspended Bukit Bendera Umno chief Datuk Ahmad Ismail was given a warrior’s welcome when he turned up for the division’s delegates conference.

The division’s adviser and de facto leader also opened the closed-door conference.

Ahmad was suspended on Sept 10 and stripped of all Umno posts for three years following an uproar over race-related statements he made during a ceramah in Permatang Pauh during the by-election campaign period a few months ago.

Upon arriving at a hotel at 3.40pm yesterday, he was greeted by cheers and accompanied by a kompang troupe into the ballroom, where silat exponents gave a brief performance.

Ahmad was presented a yellow tengkolok (headdress) by division adviser Azmi Merican, a yellow selempang (shawl worn across the body) by Umno veteran Saakyah Mat Isa, and a keris (dagger) by Umno veteran Abdul Rahman Lazim.

Ahmad raised the keris briefly to his lips and lifted it high before proceeding onto the stage.

The emcee announced the items were presented to Ahmad as a true Malay warrior of Bukit Bendera.

Abdul Jalil Ariffin was elected the new division chief.

The delegates passed a motion urging the Umno supreme council to cancel Ahmad’s suspension.

A similar motion was passed by the Wanita wing earlier in the day.

A true Malay warrior of Bukit Bendera… pfffft. They didn’t know that guy is a mamak meh? Ahaks.

I wonder what would have happened if any of us Chinese were to organize a gathering like this and did something like kissing our guandao (a medieval Chinese pole blade – very badass weapon, and very much bigger than a keris) and wave it in the air like we’re trying to swat some crooked flies or something… (precisely, how many days in Kamunting?)

michaelooi  | snippets  | 9 Comments
November 6, 2008


WTF!!????!?!?? Our government paid 10.5 millions for the ex-gratia?!? That was like, striking Big Sweep!
I’d rather use the money to build a bigger sanctuary for the orang utans in Sepilok… it would have been a better spend.


Parliament: Former judges paid RM10.5m ex-gratia
KUALA LUMPUR: Former Lord President Tun Salleh Abbas and five supreme court judges who were sacked during judicial crisis in 1988 were paid a total of RM10.5mil as ex-gratia payment.

Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Datuk Seri Nazri Abd Aziz said Tun Salleh was paid RM5mil, Supreme Court judges Tan Sri Azmi Kamaruddin and George Edward Seah Kim Seng were paid RM2mil each, while Tan Sri Wan Hamzah Mohd Salleh and the late Tan Sri Wan Suleiman Pawanteh and the late Tan Sri Eusoffe Abdulcadeer were paid RM500,000 each.

Nazri said this Thursday in Parliament when he replied on behalf of Minister in the PrimeMinister’s Department during committee stage.

michaelooi  | snippets  | 6 Comments

year of the blacks

I can’t help but notice that 2008 has been an auspicious year for the black people.

Lewis Hamilton winning the F1 world champion, Williams sisters dominating major tennis events, Tiger Woods making more headlines, and recently, Barack Obama becoming the US President (woohoo!).

They’re like, dominating charts everywhere! Well, except for Kimbo Slice (if you know who he is), who made a shocking exit from his stardom when he got his ass whooped by a pink haired hobo lookalike underdog in a fight.

A colleague and I were talking about this black people power thing, you know, Obama is going to set a precedent in things to come – that nothing is impossible. As long as you have a dream and work hard on it, you’d achieve it some day. Kind of elevated our spirits a bit amidst this uncertain time. I can only imagine how this is going to affect the black people everywhere… I bet they’re all getting psyched up and excited already!

So what next? I told my colleague, there will be many ‘firsts’ to come… among those that I can think of that is left to be achieved, are:

The first black James Bond. – Why has there been no black James Bond aa? Black boh sui meh? Maa kanineh. We should have a black James Bond. If that’s going to happen, I’d nominate Denzel Washington as candidate.

A black Rocky. – My friend suggested this, which I find pretty amusing. I mean, if those Americans can make crazy ass flicks like Kung Pow or Reno 911, why not a black Rocky? We’d get Will Smith to replace the aging Sly and let him continue the legacy…

A black Dalai Lama – no offense but, if those guys think our bodies are just vessels of our spirit, I don’t see the reason why the holy reincarnation won’t go to a black guy…

Barney the black dinosaur – bad idea but, it’s still better than purple, right? It’ll accentuate the set of bleached white teeth better, and less heinous. We can also slap on a braided spaghetti mop wig like Bob Marley’s hair on it… and make it sing some souls…

et al…

So, if you’ve been having a streak of bad luck recently, check your skin color. Get more tan, or tattoo to cover your skin. It might do you some good.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 13 Comments
November 5, 2008

proof that common sense is not common

I was in a meeting with a group of management folks discussing about… stuff. There was this Malay bloke in the meeting, who holds a manager post, highlighted that littering is fast becoming a serious problem in Company X and somebody has to do something about it (no shit Sherlock). He then went on to remark that he did some observation on the problem and noticed most of the trash are plastic bags…

See where this is going? Yes. The guy then proposed to have plastic bags banned, and have them all replaced with paper bags. No plastic bags in Company X therefore, no littering. Yes, believe it man. Hardly makes any sense, I know. Dumbest idea ever.

Of course I scoffed at him for proposing such a dumb ass idea – if the concern’s really about littering, then it shouldn’t have anything to do with whatever plastic fucking bags, but the shitty attitude of the people who litters. An inconsiderate schmuck do not choose what he litters. If a person’s a litter bug, he’d litter anything anywhere. The ways to stop him are through education, lobotomy or beat the crap out of him. You don’t ban his trash. That is just stupid.

Actually, there are thousands of reasons he can quote to have plastic bags banned like he wanted which wouldn’t have sounded so preposterous. Like, he could have said that banning plastic bags could save male jellyfishes from mistakenly humping plastic bags therefore jeopardizing their sex life, or saving the turtles from a potential choking hazard. But of all reasons… *sigh*

Maybe he’s the one that needed the education, lobotomy or getting the crap beaten out of.

michaelooi  | characters  | 11 Comments