Archive for November, 2008

November 27, 2008

proof that common sense is not common – 3

I was at this food court ordering yong tou foo. You know what is yong tou foo, right? You should. Anyway, after I have picked my choice of stuffed goodies, I got to the part when I was suppose to tell the guy my selection of soup – which was either the conventional one, or tomyam flavored. I wanted tomyam so, I told the guy –

“I would like the soup to be tomyam please.”

The young Malay chap who was manning the stall gave me this emotionless stare when I told him about my tomyam preference. He did not acknowledge, nor did he show any sign that he heard me so, I repeated my request –

“Errrmm hello? I want my soup to be tomyam flavored.”

Again, no response. I wasn’t very impressed but, I decided to cut him some slack you know, maybe he is a guy of few words or something. So, I thought I’d just wait and see what happens. And indeed, the guy prepared my soup without adding the tomyam stock in it, and my order came out wrong, just as I expected it would. I was pissed of course, because I never liked my yong tou foo plain. It’s either tomyam for me, or never. To compromise is totally out of the question. That was why I had to bitch to him –

“Haven’t I already told you a couple of times just now that I want the soup to be tomyam flavored??”

He looked at me like I was stupid or something, again, with no reaction or whatsoever. It was as if… he could not understand a word I said…

“Hey! Can you hear me?? I – WANT – TOMYAM [point point]. This is not tomyam.”

Then suddenly, an old Malay biddy materializes out of nowhere and started yelling at me –

“Mister, please calm down! We only add the tomyam stock into your soup later on!”

The fucking bitch was obviously trying to lie out of the mistake the young chap did. She then scooped a spoonful of raw tomyam stock (paste) into my soup and gave me a ‘See?’ expression. I wasn’t happy about that of course…

“Are you for real?? I thought you’re suppose to boil the soup with the stock! I’ve never seen anyone prepare tomyam like this!”

The bitch rudely replied, while the retard stood there still with that dead look on him –
“Well, that’s our way of preparing it.”

“What a bunch of bullshit. And then this guy, is he deaf or something??”

Then came the shocking truth –
“Yes, he is indeed a hearing impaired person. Please show some respect to people like him. If you want something, talk to me.”

She had me in the balls. I felt guilty as shit. I didn’t expect that guy to be a hearing impaired person. How would I know? He looked just like the many dickheads in the food court manning a counter. And there wasn’t any sign on him saying that he is a hearing impaired person and I should fucking forgive him even if he deliberately kills my dog. Fuck. I hate it when people exploit for advantage with someone else’s disabilities.

And who in their right mind would put a hearing impaired person to man a counter, and taking orders from customers? This is as ridiculous as putting a mute person to be a phone technical support, or a Down syndrome tard to drive a Formula 1 safety car. It just doesn’t make any fucking sense. That fucking bitch, she ought to be put to sleep for all these.

But I decided put the matter to rest, for I am always at the losing end simply because one of them is a disabled person. No matter what the argument is, the outcome will always be the same – that I will be seen as a scoundrel who fucking screamed at a disabled person because I do not like my tomyam, so what’s the point really? I apologized to the unscrupulous duo and left the stall to eat my odd tasting yong tou foo in raw tomyam stock, and swore to never patronize that stall ever again. Ptuiii!

michaelooi  | experiences  | 9 Comments
November 25, 2008

the little samseng

I have always wanted my daughter to be someone tough and independent. You know, especially after seeing so many videos of schoolgirls getting walloped by bullies and stuff. If that were to happen to my Regine, I would hate to see her helplessly getting pummeled and not try to fight back.

That was why I originally thought of sending Regine to a self defense class (taekwondo) when she turns five. But not anymore. Why? Emily and I just received some feedback from her nursery principal a few days ago, that my Regine has been very ‘bossy’ at class. Well, maybe the principal wanted to sound less harsh, but I think the right word should be ‘tyrannical’. The principal’s description of her being ‘bossy’ pretty much includes :

– swatting other kids up for refusing to comply her ridiculous requests (eg. playing an imaginary piano)
– swatting other kids up for laughing at her
– swatting other kids up because she thinks they’re dimwitted
– swatting other kids up for no reasons at all

With that kind of feedback, I’m afraid that if I were to let her gain the dangerous knowledge of taekwondo, she’s going to be the perpetrator who makes the bully video, you get what I mean? Man I am just so frigging worried about my daughter now. And that conniving and manipulative little miscreant is smart enough to not behave like this at home, but she’d totally turn into a devil at the nursery! I don’t remember myself starting the menace THAT young! I only started beating up other kids when I was 8 or something… and my daughter’s only TWO AND A HALF! Sheesh…

Looks like I’m now going to have to worry about her beating up other kids instead of the other way round…

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 21 Comments
November 21, 2008

but of course it’s a lie

Yesterday, in came a great revelation that alleviated the suffering of some Malaysians mankind…


‘Najib never met Altantuya’ Stop spreading lies, says Razak
KUALA LUMPUR: Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak never met Mongolian Altantuya Shaariibuu, says Abdul Razak Baginda.

“I implore all of you and the public to stop spreading lies about the DPM and his wife. I know Datuk Seri Najib and Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor have never met Altantuya,” said Abdul Razak who was acquitted of abetment in Altantuya’s murder.

“Those who have spread such lies can never produce any authentic evidence because there is none.

“The truth is the truth and nothing can change the truth,” he told a packed press conference yesterday.

When asked how he knew Najib was not involved, Najib’s former political analyst smiled, looked at his lawyers and then replied: “I just know.”

Abdul Razak said he has had no contact with Najib since his release from prison and was more interested in getting his life back on track.

He also denounced the “lies” that Altantuya was involved in certain deals, such as the submarine deal.

“There have been all sorts of stories and insinuations about the link between the deceased and some deals. But everyone is lazy these days and don’t check their facts.

“The purported deal was signed in June 2002. I first met the deceased in November or December 2004. I fail to see the connection but it went on and on. These are malicious lies,” he added.

Abdul Razak, who expressed his deepest sympathies to Altantuya’s family for their loss, said he was coming out to tell the truth because “I do not want to turn a blind eye and allow the liars to prevail.”

“I am caught in the ‘damned-if-you-do-and-damned-if-you-don’t’ situation. But to be indifferent is to be irresponsible,” he said.

What a relief. I mean, had he not told everyone that, we wouldn’t have known the truth… having seen so many unsavory statutory declarations and missing men… Good grief!

But then, why only do it now? Well, my guess is, he was distraught and upset when he was behind the bars. Now that he’s a free man, he must have gotten all the coolness to talk about it. Or perhaps he had a temporary memory loss inside the lock up due to poor diet (bad nasi lemak?). And now that he has gained back the loss nutrition, the memories naturally came back to him and he revealed it to the world.

Anyway, I was thinking – if this whole thing were to be unfolded in a James Bond flick, I would have duly suspected that Baginda must have used this ‘forbidden knowledge’ as a bargaining chip for his freedom. The DPM would have no choice but to get Baginda’s ass out, lest he’d spill the beans. And when that eventually happens, Baginda would seal his part of the deal by exonerating the DPM through several means. They’re like, scratching each other’s back, put the matter to rest and get started to conspire on some other cooler things… (I reckon that’s when James Bond comes in to ruin their shit. Jeng jeng jeng!)

So, who should be the James Bond for this?

michaelooi  | snippets  | 6 Comments
November 19, 2008

proof that common sense is not common – 2

How do you make a glass of ‘teh tarik kurang manis’? You mix in less than usual amount of condensed milk into the tea – that’s how you make it. This is pretty basic stuff, right? Should be, unless you’re an imbecile.

That was exactly what I ordered the other day at a stall inside Company X cafeteria. A glass of ‘teh tarik’, with less sweetness i.e. ‘Teh tarik kurang manis’. But instead of mixing in less amount condensed milk, the Bangla who was preparing my beverage mixed in the usual amount of condensed milk into my tea – which was not what I wanted. Kurang manis, remember?

I thought he had forgotten about my ‘kurang manis’ request, so I thought of reminding him that. But before I was able to tell the guy anything, I saw the Bangla nimbly hovered the glass of teh tarik over the wash basin, poured one third of its content away, then topped the glass up with plain hot water, and – TADAAAA, there it is, my glass of ‘teh tarik kurang manis’.

I was totally dumbfucked and beyond words.

But then, he was not entirely wrong about my order. Technically, I still got my teh tarik with less sweetness, but with diluted tea inside. Goddamn! I didn’t see that coming. That could have been a great April fool prank. But on any other day, that has got to be the dumbest thing ever. That was like, having your head amputated to solve your acne problems. No more acne, because you don’t have a head.

I wanted to yell ‘kanineh!’ at him but, I wasn’t confident that he’d understand the message… so I just walked off and never fucking bought anything from that stall since.

michaelooi  | experiences  | 15 Comments
November 14, 2008


I was having breakfast with a bunch of colleagues, and one of them asked me this :

Colleague : “Michael, let me ask you something. If there were to be a hot looking naked chick streaking past in front of you, how would you react to the situation?”

It didn’t take me more than a second to answer him,

Me : “Besides having a major hard on and slobbering all over? I’d probably go grab her tits and ass…”

I was exaggerating about the second part but, you get the idea…

Colleague : “Well, that’s what I’d do too. But not for Abe, apparently…”

Abe is another colleague of ours who is known to be an extreme idealist with a bloated sense of righteousness. That guy doesn’t drink (alcohol), meditates a gazillion times a week, reads religious texts and is a devout Buddhist – so it was said.

Colleague : “Do you know what was Abe’s response? He said he’d bury his face in his hands because he believes it is morally wrong to gaze at a woman’s naked body.”

I didn’t expect him to be this ‘lost’…

Me : “Morally wrong? What the fuck. If a girl doesn’t want you to see her naked, she’d be having some clothes on, right? Maybe he’s gotten too used to fapping in front of his monitor screen in private… or he’s just fucking with you…”

Guys (straight guys, that is…), as we have all known, are born to be pervs. Like, if we see a well endowed attractive girl bending down, we would hope to see a downblouse. And when we get to see down the girl’s blouse, we would in turn, hope to see her nipples pop out or something like that. It is pretty much like how the girls would go crazy with shoes and handbags. We’ve been like this since we humans got out of the caves.

Colleague : “No dude, I know Abe very well. He doesn’t fuck around with stuff like this. He was drop dead serious when he said that…”

Me : “Then that has got to be the most disturbing shit I’ve heard all year. Are you sure he’s not gay or something?”

Sorry, I can offer no logical explanation on why would any guy bury his face knowing that there is a hot naked chick right in front of him – probably with an intention of offering a head – other than being gay. That or, he’s just being eccentric for some reasons known only to himself – like maybe he had hurt himself pretty bad when he was a kid… or he’s into deeper kinky stuff that involves whips and colored candles…

michaelooi  | dialogs  | 21 Comments