Remember the ‘optimistic vs pessimistic‘ opinion I did about Elliot the fucking idiot sometime back? Here’s an extension of the list over the years…

9) Elliot likes to play tacky songs loudly from his workbench with his loud speaker. They’re always on repeat, and they’re always songs from a few artistes which I loathed - Modern Talking, Vengaboys, Aqua and Celine Dion…
Optimistic opinion : He’s trying to make his co-workers healthier by playing upbeat songs to keep everyone animated and stuff…
Pessimistic opinion : He’s a freak

10) Elliot sometimes would shut himself down in front of his bench, and chant some weird sounding mantra with an odd looking opened book in front of him. During this period, he’d totally ignore everything, even if the building’s on fire. It would last 5 - 10 minutes before he’d wake up from the trance.
Optimistic opinion : He’s praying for the vast number of endangered species all over the world.
Pessimistic opinion : He’s a freak

11) Elliot would on and off jump around the lab flailing his hands for about 5 minutes. After that, he would walk around in circles for another 5 minutes before he goes to the toilet to take a crap (or fap)
Optimistic opinion : He’s trying to stay healthy by stretching himself good.
Pessimistic opinion : He’s a fucking freak

12) Elliot likes to filch equipments from his busy co-workers, not to use them (the equipments) but to have them left on his workbench, just so that his workbench would look more complicated.
Optimistic opinion : He’s trying to save electricity by proactively limiting the use of electrical equipments in the lab
Pessimistic opinion : He’s a fucking contemptible freak

13) Elliot smears his boogers underneath his desk/workbench.
Optimistic opinion : He’s an avid environmentalist. He’s just trying to make the workplace more ‘organic’
Pessimistic opinion : He’s a motherfucking freak

14) Elliot could not differentiate a piece of fried fish from a piece of chicken chop.
Optimistic opinion : Elliot’s an altruistic person. He likes to make people feel smart by pretending to be stupid, just so that everyone feels fulfilled when they’re around him.
Pessimistic opinion : He’s a fucking stupid freak

15) Elliot believes in extra terrestrial beings, ghosts and other paranormal shits.
Optimistic opinion : Elliot’s is a colorful character from space
Pessimistic opinion : He’s an abomination

Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Elliot the fucking idiot. This is going to be the final of him in Company X. He’s leaving us for good. He printed his resignation letter in the lab last week, came over to my bench and told me “Michael, I resigned”. I so fucking wanted to jump up from my chair and scream deliriously (just like how the US president would if Iraq were to be obliterated from the face of Earth)… but I chose to be cool about it and totally ignored him… which he responded by walking away. The moment he was gone, I messaged a tonne of my colleagues that his reign of terror was finally over. Saddam’s dead!! YEahhh! Humanity and goodness prevails!

(But all is not good, I’m afraid. It was rumored that Elliot’s going to join the aviation parts manufacturing industry as a no-less important engineer. I shudder to think about the repercussion of his involvement in this critical industry…)