Archive for October, 2008

October 31, 2008

loser amongst losers

Losers, they can be found everywhere. But to bump into a loser amongst losers, now that’s not something you see very often. I had the chance to encounter one on my way to work this morning. The loser of all losers. The degenerate of all degenerates.

But before I go on describing what happened, please take some time to peruse the picture below…

The loser I was talking about was driving the red car in the picture, a heavily modified old Proton Iswara (you know, with horse power increasing stickers, big menacing spoiler and all). I was driving the dark car. It was raining at that time, and the traffic’s terrible.

As you can see, that loser was trying to squeeze through the narrow space in between lanes, apparently, to shove into location ‘X’. His car was just about half an inch away from brushing my side mirror and I was shit pissed with what he was trying to pull there. I responded by blaring my ultra loud air horn in agitation, and had him stopped in the middle of his maneuver, right when his driver window was opposite my front passenger’s.

I suspected that he must have wanted to confront me or something, but then, he didn’t honk me back, nor did he wind down his window to wave his fist. I reckon that he couldn’t open his door either, because there was only barely a feet of space between us. So, he just stopped right there. Driver across my passenger’s. Probably was cursing at me, I don’t know, because the tint on his heavily modded junk was too fucking dark for me to see anything inside. But I could tell that there was some movement inside (something’s alive inside, what a surprise!)

About a few seconds later, the queue on my lane moved and I was ahead of him. I kept checking my rear view and side mirror if that fucker was going to get down from his car or something. That was when I saw the window of his rickety junk started to inch down, and then got jammed halfway (no surprise, people… with his car being a Proton and all). He had to squeeze out his skinny ass hand from that small opening of that jammed window to flip me a lame bird (dark skinned – likely a Malay chap), and then to stick it back in to maneuver his car into location ‘X’ (that was an exit lane, by the way. My lane’s to go straight)

So, what actually happened back there was probably like this –
– loser didn’t like me honking him and he stopped beside my car to confront me.
– he wanted to honk me back, but his horn was not working.
– he wanted to wind down his window to flip me a bird, but his window was not working either.
– and when his window finally worked, it got jammed halfway and it wouldn’t go back up.

That was why I think, he deservedly be called ‘the loser amongst losers’. The key take away message is – if you want to flip other people birds, make sure you got a working power window, especially when it is raining.

The time that I was accelerating away from that spot, his car window was still stuck open, and rain was still pouring into his car. That made my day.

michaelooi  | traffic shit  | 15 Comments
October 29, 2008

damn those Chinese dickwads

You know, I used to like biscuits a lot. Especially those milk biscuits. Soak them in a glass of hot chocolate or Milo, and then slurp the mush up like an alien sucking a human brain – it is something I’d put very near the feeling of ascending to heaven.

But not anymore.

I did exactly that the other day (dip a biscuit in Milo & slurp), but no heaven. Instead, I felt like I was begging to have both my kidneys be clogged with motherfucking stones so that I’d be that much nearer to hell. Yes, that’s right. This is about the fucking melamine scandal. Of what initially looked like a scandal that affects only the infant formula, has now ramified into a full scale world crisis.

Now, everything seems to have traces of melamine in it. Cereals, candies, creamer (I consume a lot of creamer, fuck), biscuits, anything dairy, or has connections with dairy products. Hell, some even rumored that it is dangerous to suck on a Chinese girl’s tits for fear of melamine. Thanks to those Chinese dickwads, now we have more things to worry about.

I wonder what else is going to be fake after this. The world is fast becoming a very scary place to live in. You don’t see bears feeding their cubs with plastic salmons, do you? But we humans do that to our own kind, just to get ahead in life. This is not natural. This is fucking insane!

I did not finish even the first biscuit that day. Had to pour my almost untouched glass of Milo into the drain and dumped the remaining 1.5 catties of melamine ridden biscuits away (yeah, those poor rats are going to get lots of kidney stones). I’ve never wasted so much food in my life… *sigh*

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 7 Comments
October 23, 2008

clone

I think my daughter Regine may have inherited the 62% evil from me. Or possibly more. How do I know? There have been signs, which I initially chose to ignore. But now that the signs are getting more distinctive, I have every cause to get concerned about her.

The earliest sign was when my aunt bought her a doll when she was 1. It was a rather strange doll (to me), with big blue eyes and all. I don’t know if kids are suppose to find that thing cute but, my Regine was totally freaked out when she saw the doll. She’d cringe and cry whenever it was near her. She would get as far as possible from the doll, as if that thing was emitting hazardous radioactive rays. I didn’t think it was abnormal back then because that doll indeed looked quite creepy.

So, my mom bought her another doll, and that was like, a few months later. She was almost 2 then. The new doll didn’t have big blue eyes on it and was very much more pleasant looking. Again, like the first one, she was totally freaked out. That was when I started to feel uneasy.

“Aren’t little girls suppose to like dolls and stuff?” I asked Emily.

But my Regine is different. Instead of dolls, she is fond of feral creatures… like rubber lizards, spiders and dinosaurs (which, my mom originally bought with the intention to discipline her… you know, – ‘I’m gonna put this spider on your hair if you don’t eat your porridge now’)

But of course, that didn’t work. Those rubber creatures turn out to be her favorite, and she used it to her advantage, to scare my friends’ children when they came visiting. There was once, she even tried to grab a live lizard at a clinic and mind you, that thing was big. Any kid would have been scared shitless of that enormous lizard. But not my Regine. Had I not stopped her from grabbing it, that lizard would have gone to meet its maker already.

And then recently, after we played her the Disney animated film “Cinderella”, she went to Emily and said “Mommy, I want to be the stepmother…” Like, most – if not all – children would have wanted to be the beautiful lass (Cinderella), right? But my daughter thinks it is much cooler to be the evil stepmother…

“I want to be the stepmother!”
“Mommy! Come! I lock you in the room!”
“Daddy! Go stand at the corner!”

Anyone have any remedy for this? I’m beginning to freak out now…


caught in the act trying to push an owl off its perch…

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 18 Comments
October 22, 2008

the perils of blogging – friends finding out (5)

This is the continuation of the fourth part, and is the last.

So I threw him some insults in my last mail, because I didn’t feel like it was justified for him to simply say stupid things like I’m a lousy professional just because he didn’t like what he read in my blog. I was at the verge of asking him to just fuck off and leave me alone… but kept my shit together anyway… until I read his next reply:

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michaelooi  | mails/posts  | 26 Comments

the perils of blogging – friends finding out (4)

This is the continuation of the third part.

I actually was trying to pull his leg in my last reply, you know, as we always do amongst our group members. Perhaps I also did that as an experiment to check if he was still trying to fit in, if you can remember what he said in the first few posts. The bad news was, he didn’t take it quite well…

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michaelooi  | mails/posts  | Comments Off