September 25, 2008

my ovaries are dangling

I found this email in my inbox today…

From: [my Insurance company]
Sent: Thursday, September 25, 2008 2:38 AM
To: Ooi, Michael
Subject: Specially for women like you


Do you want the freedom to live life on your own terms?

If so, [PROGRAM NAME] is really ideal for you.

[PROGRAM NAME] for Women is a new, all-in-one health, protection, savings and investment solution for your future.

Whether you’re young or established, have a successful career or simply managing a home, [PROGRAM NAME] for Women features 4 solutions specially designed to meet your needs during the different life stages. Each solution is flexible and easily customised, offering total financial and life coverage that is relevant to you.

Life’s complicated enough. Financial security shouldn’t be.

Click to see how easy we’ve made it for you.

[Agent name]
[Insurance company] Contact Centre

Specially for ‘women’ like me… fuck. It wouldn’t have been that wretched if my name was not quoted in the content, because I would have disposed it off as another spam mail. But not with the big bolded ‘MICHAEL OOI’ in it. So I’m officially a ‘woman’ in their records. My insurance company’s records. FUCK.

Enclosed with the mail was a picture of a relatively young woman stretching her hands at a meadow with a liberating close-eyed expression ala the armpit deodorant advert style. I’m not sure if that picture was suppose to assuage any possible confusion that might arise upon the shocking discovery of my ‘true’ gender. This is disturbing indeed. I made an effort to reply…

From: Ooi, Michael
Sent: Thursday, September 25, 2008 9:15 AM
To: [my Insurance company]
Subject: RE: Specially for women like you

FYI, the last I checked, I am still a very masculine and established MALE. So, no thanks.

I was thinking of attaching the picture of my schlong to the originator (whom I presume must be a lady) with a caption ‘DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A FUCKING OVARY TO YOU??’, but I eighty six-ed the idea because I do not want to be too brash – because the lady on the other end might just die out of excessive cum radiation…

michaelooi  | mails/posts  | 

9 Comments to “my ovaries are dangling”

  1. Ah J says:

    *ROFL* Your agent is so not professional, get a new one =p

  2. nicholas says:

    lulz u probably come across as a woman.

  3. Russell says:

    Your agent must have saw Michelle Ooi LOL

  4. sam says:

    wakakaka….stupid agent

  5. eric says:

    Was it from AIA, Michelle?

  6. michaelooi says:

    ‘erica’ – No darling, it was not AIA.

  7. Jane says:

    hahaha so funny . did they reply u after tht>

  8. michaelooi says:

    Jane – No they have not. I think the agent’s a goddamn robot.

  9. Danielle says:

    Hmm you might have been paying a diff price for premium if they thought u were a female.. could have been lower/higher!!!

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