September 23, 2008

filtering the idiots

My boss asked me this, this morning

Boss: “Michael, what do you think of using a special questionnaire to screen the new engineer for the new job?”

Me: “What do you mean? Like an interview or something?”

We were referring to an idea by the management to get a subcontractor engineer to help out some of our work (you can think of it like hiring somebody’s maid to wash your shitload of laundry). In this case, an interview would be redundant, since we’re not really hiring that guy. We’re just exploiting them at the advantage of being on the higher level the food chain here…

Boss: “Not really an interview, but sort of like a filtering mechanism to make sure that the guy who comes in is competent and suitable”

Me: “Oh you mean, to make sure that they’re not sending us an idiot for the job?”

Boss: “Something like that.”

Me: “Well, we can check his qualifications, if that helps… I’m not too sure if a questionnaire is appropriate… since that guy will not be on our payroll and we don’t have the say to throw him out if he’s an idiot…”

Boss: “I don’t think checking the qualification is sufficient… Just look at Mojo Jojo…”

If you remember him, Mojo Jojo was our parasitic colleague who left to seek for greener pastures (or a bigger host for him to siphon the resources off…). A dick short of a wanker, the epitome of stupidity and retardation. Thank God he left us before we were forced to the verge of committing suicide.

Me: “Touché. That guy has a degree in double E, and yet, he doesn’t know what a fuse is… goddamn…”

Boss: “So, what do you think?”

Me: “I’m ok with the idea.”

And I went on to suggest to get a couple more guys to help plan out the screening criteria – probably not in the form of a questionnaire but, something like a simple test. I was thinking of dumping in a few trigonometry questions, and something that actually tells me of his thinking power… like maybe show him various pictures of excrement from different species of animals, and ask him to identify what type of chocolates they are… etc.

Sad that we have to resort to this but that’s the reality. Any spaz has a qualification nowadays. Modern papers are not given out to the guy who has the right substance anymore, but to the guy who has enough money… if you know what I mean.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 

14 Comments to “filtering the idiots”

  1. Ah J says:

    err i don’t really get what you mean, the last few lines *scratch head*
    do agree with you that a simple test is better than a bunch of questions.

    as for the company i’m currently attached to, qualifications, experience and IQ aren’t essential, as long as you know how to ‘bodek’ your boss, bright future ahead. haih.

  2. EinsamSoldat says:

    Ask him some very personal question and see how is his reaction. Keep pushing it until he explodes.

  3. michaelooi says:

    Ah J – It means, anyone can get a degree nowadays, as long as you have the money to pay. Capisce?

    EinsamSoldat – And that’s suppose to determine if he’s not a retard? Sounds novel to me.

  4. Nicevil says:

    Just an idea… Include a question… “Are you hungry ?”

    If he answers “yahhhh I so hungry haven’t eat lunch, come I bring you to this good place.” FAIL.

    If he says something like “Yes, I’m hungry for a good job to prove my worth.”… PASS !!

  5. berudu says:

    Can try it on the ministers. They’ll bomb you. Haha!

  6. ikzq says:

    Hrmmmm i got this question that 70% of my friends could not answer or took a long time to answer. Simple and easy…

    There are 3 rooms with 3 light switches outside. Each light switch will turn on the light of a single room. Now you have 2 tries, how will u find out which switch is for which room.

    Thinking type of people can answer the question straight away (less than 3 seconds)…
    Memorizing type of people will take a while…
    Hyperactive people wil give all sort of illogical answer like “what if the light switch is electronically link to another one, or what if the light bulb is not invented by edison” (i got a lot of this kind of answer)…
    Brain dead people will tell u “i dont know”…

    I believe mojo jojo falls into second category from all ur explanation. try ask him and try answering it urself

  7. michaelooi says:

    nicevil – Bad idea. That will filter out a lot of honest drones, and in the end, let through those cock sucking sycophants. We want drones. Those who work without complain with minimum wage and maximum efficiency.

    berudu – They will fail lah, needless to say.

    ikzq – I believe your question lacked of some details (the light source obscured from switch location – very important). I got this before and hit it spot on (ahem). Let me spoil the market here – Flip on first 2 switches, leave a while, then turn the 2nd one off. The glowing bulb = switch that is still on. The warm dark bulb = the one that was flipped off. The cold dark bulb = the untouched third switch.

  8. ikzq says:

    Ermmm your version is different from mine, and no, my question isnt so complicated. it is not obscured as what u mentioned. Yours is maybe for more engineering type. But mine is for more general type.

    And the answer is simple,
    swicth on first swicth, it is for the first room
    switch on second switch, it is for the second room
    and third one which is untouched, is for the third room.

    The reason people cannot answer is because, they were given 3 choice but only 2 ways to solved it. But for people who think. they don’t need 3 choice, but for people who tends to memorize, 3 is not equal to 2 and they will find it hard to answer.

    This question was asked to me by a MNC company on an interview.

    Next one from same MNC company:

    You and your buddy stay in the same house and working in the same company but is in different project. Now your boss and his boss called at the same time and requested you to go back company as fast as possible. Now in that house, there is a vehicle which CAN ONLY FETCH ONE PERSON AT A TIME (very important). The question is, how you and ur buddy can get to the company at the fastest time possible.

    Again, this question differentiate a thinker and a memorizer. ahhah

  9. michaelooi says:

    ikzq – You know what? I think that guy in that MNC who interviewed you made a boo boo. I reckon that he somehow forgot to add that important detail that the light source was obscured from the location of the switch. The essence of the question is to think out of the box in solving problems, not how simple your mind is. The guy who interviewed you is probably a loafer and a douche bag. This is a well known question and he made a mistake… kih kih (no I didn’t get that in an interview, it was forwarded by a friend). Your ‘version’ somehow isn’t as ‘deep’ as you think.

    The new question however, makes no sense (to me…). Maybe I have Alzheimer’s. I’m not going to delve into the details because I obviously think it is another frat question made up by some jerk. A serious interviewer won’t ask questions like this… trust me. (a friend asked me this today – what animal has 4 balls? Can you answer that? heh *I actually answered ‘2 gay dogs hugging each other’)

  10. ikzq says:

    Hhaahah not sure though, i found it interesting. anyway the last question have no answer. coz there is no way both can get to office at the same time with the fastest way. =P

    maybe u are right about them.

    as for animal for 4 balls, probably a mutated human

  11. littleComma says:

    ikzq, in your 2nd Q, you said “your boss and his boss called at the same time and requested you to go back company as fast as possible”

    …… well, then since only you alone need to get back to office, then you will drive the car. Your buddy? Take cab la .. :P

  12. TiBuN says:

    Michael, your company is basically bored of the old tricks to filter candidates…

    And btw, MNC is over-rated :)

  13. moo_t says:

    ikzq, Your first question are dumber than the chicken,dog and rice cross the river quiz.
    The second question, you left out too much criteria? What if both live next to LRT station? Duh!

    Just filter those candidates with the chicken,dog and rice cross the river quiz, and you will know whether you will get a fast response drone or a dumb drone. ;)

  14. tyra says:

    what about dat over rated question..”if you cld be an animal, what wld u be and why?”

    gosh it was on those stupid banks’ intereview questionnaire..

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