September 16, 2008

paranoia

This was something that happened to my colleague, Blake…

Blake was returning from his business travel to India and he was going through the customary security check at the Indian airport. The Bhai officer scanned something of interest in his bag and asked to take a look inside. He obliged with the request and the officer opened his bag to retrieve an object. It was a brass elephant figurine he bought from a street peddler somewhere.

Officer: “Sir, may I ask you what is this?” [holding out the brass elephant figurine]

My friend, albeit nervous, managed to squeeze in a hint of sarcasm in his reply…

Blake: “What do you think this is? This is an elephant.”

Officer: “Why is there a hole under your elephant? Are you hiding drugs inside it?”

There was indeed a hole under the elephant. It wasn’t an anus or anything like that but, my guess was, a trivial product feature. Anyway,

Blake: “I have no idea why is there a hole under this elephant, I bought this thing off the street in [Indian town]”

Officer: “I don’t think this is an elephant. I think this could be a bomb!”

Blake: “Whoaa… whoaa… This is definitely not a bomb! This is just a brass figurine I bought off a street! You can keep it if you want, just let me board the plane!”

Officer: “No, no, we can’t keep it. This figurine belongs to you. We can’t simply take and keep other people’s belongings. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to have to copy down your details and contact, and then I’m going to let you go. But if anything were to happen to the plane, you’re going to hear from us, ok?”

Blake: “But if something were to happen to the plane, won’t I be dead already?”

It was somehow left unanswered but, that has got to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard… And of course, nothing happened to the plane.

michaelooi  | dialogs  | 

12 Comments to “paranoia”

  1. That is damn stupid! Serious shit.
    Good teatime joke.

  2. “maemee” says:

    Muahahaha! This is damn funny! Can’t believe it actually happened! Only in Boleh-land eh? Hehe…

  3. sweewon says:

    *wipes off sweat* … now I know what is the extreme.

  4. toothless says:

    that’s india for u

  5. toothless says:

    and u can bring large bottle of mineral water on board!!!

  6. michaelooi says:

    sunny side up – It’s actually real lah

    maemee – It happened at an Indian airport ler…

    sweewon – Yeah. I feel that the customs (worldwide) tend to ask a lot of stupid questions. I was once asked by a US custom officer at an airport – “Are you carrying any weapons, bombs or any unidentified package?”. If I’m a really terrorist with malicious intent, would I actually tell him? What a dumbass.

    toothless – No idea. Never been to India. Always wanted to go to India, lots of photographic opportunities there.

  7. toothy tile says:

    it’s not much worse than Heathrow airport.

    they thought my £5 Whittard tea was a liquor and even when the officer told the scanner lady that it was just a tea, that bloody douchebag refused to let us go.

    it was hard trying to abstain myself from the urge to strangle her.

  8. michaelooi says:

    Been to Heathrow a few years back. The place’s like KL Puduraya station and the officers were rude. Not surprised with the boner you mentioned, kind of goes very well with their theme.

  9. sweewon says:

    Back in university, we were not allowed to use kettles, irons etc in the dorm. There was once they conducted a spot check and the security officer asked me, “Ada guna kettle tak? Atau ironing?” What a dumbass tooo!. I told him straight in the face, “Takde” …padahal the kettle was in my cupboard … …Shhh… (wth, I’ve graduated anyway..).

  10. woof-woof says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHA!!!! Gosh…..this is the funniest story that Iv read…EVER!!! Thanks, dude. Love your prose and style! :)

  11. stephanie says:

    Hahahahahahahah! Your friend is funny too.

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