July 23, 2008

7 wastes of Lean

Last week, I was made to toil through a boring 3 hour lecture session about ‘Lean’, and was introduced to this thing called ‘7 wastes of Lean’… which is all about identifying and classifying non-value added practices into 7 categories, and then reduce them as necessary.

I feel compelled to summarize this up into a less complex way for the benefit of all…

1. Transportation
Transportation incurs aging, and also exposes your product to higher risk of getting damaged.
Example: You set your date at the west side of the town, and when everything boils down to sex, you drive your date home to the east side of town, which is about 1.5 hours (excluding traffic) away. And because the journey is perilous and long, you’re also more likely to get into an accident and that much least likely to have sex with her. This is stupid and it’s definitely a waste.
Idea: Have your date at nearer location. Like, 5 minutes away from the pork zone… or better still, have your date on the bed…

2. Inventory
Cumulated inventory not only hinders productivity, but incurs cost as well.
Example: You’re 10 seconds away from inserting your junk into her vadge. But when you want a condom, you realize that you have to fumble your way through the stash of DVD-R medias, unread MAD magazines and a few dozen cans of dog food which you purchased at a bargain price during a recent grand sale. And your bitch’s denying you entry without protection… You’re in dilemma and totally wasted.
Idea: Don’t stash. Consume only what you need. And do plenty of housekeeping.

3. Motion
Unnecessary movement to get a job done is a waste.
Example: You’re having a steamy session with your girl. While you’re kneading her tits halfway, you go grab yourself a beer and take a leak, and then come back to continue. Just when you’re about to hump her, you ask to be excused again to go borrow a condom from your neighbor. A sex session that should have been filled with fervor and substance, ends up with your girl getting frustrated watching you do cross country exercises across the whole apartment.
Idea: Place all your props and tools strategically throughout your house. Should be a hand stretch distance away…

4. Waiting
Having to wait for a process to complete is a blatant waste of resources.
Example: Your date wears a beautiful 3 layered designer dress. When it comes to getting it on, you took 15 minutes to peel off the top 2 layer, 5 minutes for the third, and another 2 to unhook her bra. Your chick waited for it to end, all the while doing nothing. This is a waste of resources.
Idea: While it is perfectly excusable for a guy to be such a tard when it comes to peeling off crazy designer dresses, it is unforgivable for the girl to sit around waiting to be stripped and doing nothing. The girl should make use of her pair of free hands to give you a prostate massage while you’re dismantling her clothes! Or she can knit a scarf for all we care! Just don’t idle!

5. Overproduction
Doing too much for a specific goal / target.
Example: Spending too much time adjusting the air-cond, cleaning up the bed, fragrancing the room, lighting up candles to set the ambient – before having sex with your date. Your date only wanted a wet and wild night getting penetrated left/right/center, but you wasted her precious time trying to impress her by attempting to boost the mood (when the mood’s already there).
Idea: Just do whatever that is necessary. If she wants sex, fuck her already. Nevermind the curtain, nevermind the ambient. Just give it to her.

6. Overprocessing
Doing non-value things for a specific purpose.
Example:You check your dick for any stray bristle that could puncture the condom before sex. And then just to double make sure, you rub it off with a modeling clay for scratch marks. And then to triple make sure, you spelunk into your girl’s vagina to see if there are any sharp objects inside that could also puncture the condom. But little did you realize that if your condom’s gonna tear (due to poor quality or whatever), it’s gonna tear anyway. Could happen halfway through the pounding. Wasted efforts.
Idea: If your girl doesn’t have gonorrhea, or is not ovulating, you probably do not need a condom in the first place. Know your work. Then work it well.

7. Defects
Anything that is produced defective will be a gross waste.
Example: Imagine yourself spending a hefty amount of hard earned cash just to make an evening perfect for your date, and then comes the sex time, your car breaks down. Frustration ensues and your date leaves. A total tragedy. After all the time, money and effort, all for nothing? A waste indeed.
Idea: Make sure you maintain your ride well, and take a good care of it.

*****

These are suppose to be useful stuff. Now, all you have to do is interpret it your own way and think of how it could help you in your career and shit. You’re welcome.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 

8 Comments to “7 wastes of Lean”

  1. Primrose says:

    Wahahaha! I was expecting to read about:
    1) Take public transportation to save fuel
    2) Print on both sides of the paper
    3) Arrange external meetings in your office
    4) Switch off your car engine while stuck in a jam
    5) Have less nonsense unproductive meetings
    6) Go home sharp at 5.30pm already
    7) Cut down on door gifts and entertainment
    But not this! Haha! More please?

  2. Chrys says:

    Thanks Mike.

  3. Dr. Tan says:

    Thank you boss.

    *bows*

    *offers pig*

  4. michaelooi says:

    primrose – More? How much do you need to save lah?

  5. Din says:

    fantastic! LOL!

    Attending a boring 3 hour course is also a waste.

  6. Danielle says:

    wow
    beats the management class i had to sit through
    maybe you should email my prof and tell him this new version. i’m sure it’ll stick in the minds of college kids more

  7. tyra says:

    haha..copy right this into a comic?

  8. andar909 says:

    hi, andar here, i just read your post. i like very much. agree to you, sir.

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