I keep hearing people say, that Penang drivers are the worst in the whole peninsula. I always disagree with that because, I’ve never actually met a driver that makes me feel that way… yet. But I finally met one a couple days ago. One road raging madman. It was an experience that Emily and I will never forget. Here is how it happened:

disclaimer: I do not intend to make this sound like a story but, more as an eye opener to you people out there - on how a seemingly harmless evening can turn into a nightmare

I was waiting at the toll in my car with Emily as usual (we were on our way home from work), when I was bumped from behind by this Beemer (yes, for the second time in less than 2 weeks). Wasn’t a hard bump but, the impact was hard enough to shake my entire car. I got down and checked my bumper. It was unscathed (2 accidents, and yet the bumper is still intact. Lorraine is a badass), and so was that Beemer. The driver was still behind his wheels, and quite oddly, and he did not even bother to get down to check if there was any damage on his car. A Chinese in his mid to late thirties, he has a strong aura of stinking Ah Beng in him, with heavily pockmarked face, stained buckteeth and slovenly attire (surprisingly, I wasn’t expecting someone driving a Beemer to be like this…). Anyway, he was wearing this stupefied expression behind the steering and appeared stunned… as if the he was just being awakened from a trance or something.

The first thing I said to him was “What the fuck were you doing man??”. I shouldn’t have said that but, I was pissed, you see. But it was a mistake. A mistake because I should have best guessed that uneducated lout like him won’t take confrontation like this well, and probably couldn’t understand English anyway but, the car he was driving actually made me thought otherwise. Sure enough, Ah Beng couldn’t understand a word I said, but he knew what the word ‘fuck’ means. The next thing I know was, this Ah Beng went ballistic and began to hurl a tirade of insults at me…

[conveniently translated to English from Hokkien]
“WHY DID YOU ‘FUCK’ ME!? WHY DID YOU ‘FUCK’ ME!? I SAID I WAS SORRY BUT WHY DID YOU ‘FUCK’ ME!? YOU WANT TO FIGHT IS IT!? HAA!? @#$%^&** HUARRGGGHHH!”

…something like that. It was followed by a bunch of unintelligible yellings and shoutings. He was stark mad at the mention of the word ‘fuck’ and I could see stress veins popping up from his forehead. The guy was obviously a terminal stage nut case (though I also kinda suspected that he was probably on the influence of drugs or something). But being pissed myself, I got into a shouting match with Ah Beng… and that was the second mistake I did - I provoked someone who was off in the head. That was when he got even madder and started to scream things that doesn’t seem to make any sense at all. At one point of the altercation, Ah Beng got down from his car in what seemed to be an attempt to get medieval. I was a bit worried… but got myself ready just in case. Fortunately, he didn’t do anything rash but to scream louder. But I didn’t plan to stay long, because I knew, that it was just a matter of time before he boils over and punch me in the face… and things would probably get uglier. And right about the same time, a concerned thought suddenly loomed over me, that things weren’t the same as it was 15 years ago…

a) I am not as tough as before… thanks to the cholesterol laden diet, long hours in front of the computer and natural aging. I’m a middle aged fart now. He’s probably as middle age as I am but that wasn’t the point. I could nail that Ah Beng (I was taller and bigger than him), but I’d probably have to trade that with sleepless nights of aching joints, bruised limbs and the worry of him getting back at me the dirty way…

b) I have a future to be reckoned with and a good life not worth losing. Whacking the guy could get me into a shit load of trouble (both legal and illegal), and I’ll probably lose my fucking job in the process and lose everything in a flash of sheer rage.

c) I have a family now. My wife and daughter are looking up to me being a role model (of some sort). I could have gotten them into trouble just by messing with the wrong company. I mean, that lunatic could be some drug dealer of some shit… My family’s safety is the utmost importance in my life.

I reckoned that I could have creamed this guy’s ass if I’m in my 20’s, back when I was brash, bold and mindless. But now, I’m just another corporate drone and law abiding family man. I have little to gain and high stakes to lose… so it would be stupid for me to get too involved with some losers like Ah Beng here… Just like Emily said “It’s not worth messing with this loser here…”

So I chose not to confront the guy anyway. I hurled a few more insults and decided to call it off. I got back into my car… and drove off. When I was driving off, Ah Beng was still screaming like a madman, flailing his hands all over. But that was not the last we saw of him… it was just a ‘warm up’ for Ah Beng…

[to be continued...]