I got into an accident on Saturday while I was going home from dinner with my friend Charles. I had to brake when an apparent crazy ass driver suddenly pulled a ‘no reason brake’ in front of me. I managed to brake in time – probably thanks to my ABS – and stopped just a couple inches short of touching that car. But the car behind mine wasn’t as lucky (or should I say, I wasn’t as lucky as I thought…). It crashed into Lorraine from behind (Lorraine is my car’s name, numb nut) and that was it. I then got down to inspect the damage, utterly pissed and expecting the worst… but was surprised, that the bumper only sustained some minor scratches. There was a porcine Malay girl standing behind me… She was the driver’s friend. The driver was too shaken from the accident… so she sent her plus sized friend for a parley (probably because the driver thought her friend could take more beatings in case I go apeshit or something).

The whole conversation was quite lengthy and was in Malay (that was because the Malay chick kept repeating the same shit), but for convenience’s sake, I summarized it into English to cut the crap short…

fat malay chick : “We’re sorry brother! We’re really really sorry! We didn’t mean for this to happen…”

If she actually meant for this to happen, I would have punched her in the face…

me : “I know you’re sorry, but sorry is not going to solve my problem here. You see that nasty scratch there? It’s gonna cost me some money to spray paint the damn thing.”

fat malay chick : “We’re really sorry about that. But it wasn’t our fault… you braked too sudden and our car’s brake was not working well… ” (she actually quoted ‘brake tak makan‘)

What she didn’t know is that her friend’s brake wasn’t defective, but it was because the car’s wheels were locked when her friend braked too hard.

me : “Do you know why I suddenly braked? That’s because the car in front of mine suddenly braked… and did you see me crash into that car? No, because I kept my distance and managed to brake in time. Your friend was tailing too close and she’s doing too fast. That’s why she couldn’t brake in time.”

fat malay chick : “Alright, I understand. So how much do you want us to compensate for this damage? Please don’t quote us too much… our car sustained some damage as well…”

me : “Well, I might need to spray paint the whole bumper you know… and… ”

I was about to quote my whole bumper, until I glanced over and saw the damage her friend’s car sustained. The bumper was folded about a few centimeters in, and I could see the hood popped up like a deformed metal trash can. When I compared all that to that ‘nasty scratch’ Lorraine sustained, it was compelling for me to feel sorry for them… so, I got soft…

me : “…alright alright, I’m going to leave it to you. How much are you willing to pay?”

fat malay chick : [procrastinates for a while] “I think we can afford about fifty bucks? We don’t have much. I really hope that it is ok for you…”

me : “Well, alright… it wasn’t really enough, but I accept it. It was an accident and it’s none of your friend’s fault. Just keep your distance next time, and slow down.”

She then immediately bounced towards the car, dug out 50 bucks in small crumpled notes for me and bade a few more apologies to seal the deal.

That 50 bucks was probably not enough to pay for a round of beer, let alone to spray paint my bumper, but it was necessary as a customary lucky red packet for breaking my Lorraine’s virginity… and also to make that clumsy girl learn a thing or two about responsibility…

just a small scratch…